I Never See You Laugh, Srini

You have to live a little

It was 5:30 pm on Friday at my office. Everyone in my office was laughing for no reason except for the fact that they could practically see the weekend. Everyone laughs on Friday. Every normal person laughs on Friday.

I started working at my new job only recently. I was sitting in my cubicle, staring at my computer screen. I was in a different world, which I often am. My boss passed by my side and stopped. He looked at me and paused for a few seconds before he even began.

He said, “I’ve noticed you for a while. Why are you always serious? I never see you laugh, Srini. Don’t you ever laugh? I’m genuinely curious. I know our job is intense. But you have to laugh once in a while. You have to live a little. Did you know? Laughter is the best medicine! Think about what I said.”

He looked at me, probably expecting me to answer. I took his questions as rhetorical questions. I nodded. He left.

I had just written a joke about what happens when Somali pirates take over a flight. I couldn’t believe how I managed to pull it off. I was staring at my computer screen because my joke was shockingly hysterical. My boss caught me at my joke-writing face.

I’m extremely serious while writing jokes. I take jokes very seriously. I’m not going to laugh while writing jokes. I’m not going to laugh at my own jokes. You don’t see a standup comedian telling a joke on stage followed by his laughter. You don’t ever laugh at your own jokes. That’s like comedy 101.

I’d only laugh at my own jokes if they were horrendous. I’m a sucker for a good bad joke, only if they were mine. It’s an insult to my good good joke if I laugh at them. Somali pirates hijacking a flight wasn’t just another joke. These are the jokes you write once in eleven decades. In fact, it was the best joke anyone’s ever written about Somali pirates.

You see, the funnier my joke is, the more serious my face becomes.

Live a little? I live more than most every single hour of the day. My world is a magical world. It’s heaven on earth. Hell doesn’t exist in my world.

Next Monday, it was 5:45 pm. My colleagues nearby were laughing for no reason except for the fact that they could practically see the end of Monday. Everyone laughs on a Monday evening. Every normal person laughs on a Monday evening.

One of my colleagues noticed me staring at my computer screen and said, “You know you can at least fake laugh while we make jokes. Now that I think about it, I never see you laugh, Srini. When was the last time you laughed? Fake or real. I’m genuinely curious.”

As everyone was looking at me, probably expecting me to answer, I took that as a rhetorical question. My colleagues moved on.

I had just written a joke about what happens when Somali pirates attempt to operate a flight on their own. You see, in my joke, one pirate just had to shoot both the captain who was the pilot in command, and the supporting first officer.

Why? The pirate had just made a joke about what happens when a Mexican cartel attempts to study law at Harvard Law School. Both the captain and the supporting first officer genuinely thought his joke was hysterical and they couldn’t stop laughing.

But the pirate thought his joke was horrendous that even the two pilots laughed at him, to make a mockery of him. He felt humiliated. The mad pirate became insecure and instantly shot both of them.

Now nobody knows how to operate a flight. They’re up in the air. This is the first time in history that pirates are hijacking a plane. They didn’t exactly think this through.

My colleagues caught me at my joke-writing face. I was in a different world. All this pirate hijacking a flight business was genuinely hilarious. Of course my face was serious and I was staring at my computer screen. My joke had left me totally flabbergasted.

Hundreds of jokes are running through my head all day. I had to write all of them before they die without serving their purpose. It doesn’t matter where I am and what I’m doing. I can’t let my jokes die. I’m not a monster.

If I were ever in your world, would I laugh at your jokes?

I’d only laugh at your jokes if they were brilliant. You never see me laugh because you haven’t made a single hysterical joke yet.

I’m a sucker for a good bad joke, only if they were mine. Not yours. It’s an insult to your good bad joke if I laugh at them. It’s impolite. I’m not a dick. I can’t be a dick. Dick doesn’t suit me. Besides, you saw what happened to the captain and the supporting first officer when they laughed.

It would be ironic if the same happens to me. Who knows when people become insecure with their jokes and start shooting people who laugh at them?

I don’t want to be shot in your world. Death doesn’t exist in my world.

Next time you see me not laughing even when you’re making jokes, trust me, I’m having fun in my world — more than most.

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