I Lost Another Medium Friend Today

I set boundaries to safeguard my well-being, not to manage someone else’s actions

When I started writing online, I was looking for a haven to pen my thoughts without the worry of anyone I know reading it and taking it upon themselves to be judge and jury of how I chose to live my life.

That is why I set firm boundaries early on in my writing life as to what goes and what is a no-no for me. It not only helps safeguard my privacy, and mental health but also makes for smoother interactions in my opinion.

To be honest, this worked better when I was a newbie. However, as my writing journey took an unexpected turn when some of my articles about my dating experiences went viral, it became increasingly challenging to uphold.

There are moments when I wonder if this image of an enigmatic character with a touch of sensuality that my writing persona seems to embody has anything to do with the real me. At other times, I find it quite amusing that my dating adventures, spanning from the hilariously absurd to the cringeworthy, entertain many readers.

Really, it’s all part and parcel of effective storytelling.

Given that, I won’t deny that I get a lot of requests from people who want to get to know me better.

However, that is not the reason why I am here.

And anyway, who says how you are perceived online has anything to do with real life?

But I digress.

Writing can be a lonely endeavor and it is great when you find like-minded people to talk shop with who are not keen on prying into your personal life. I acknowledge that their unwavering support proved priceless when I faced online trolling.

It was during one of those challenging times that I connected with someone I’m going to refer to only as “Z.” Let me start by saying that I am grateful to have made their acquaintance for the short time we interacted with each other. Z was not only a great supporter of my writing but also had my back through several rounds of relentless trolling I endured.

He even introduced me to Gary Hoover’s (founder of BookStop) Matrix of Feedback which demonstrates how to handle the ‘haters’ described as follows: A hater is against you because of who you are or what you represent. They are motivated by internal emotional insecurities. They may feel guilty about the topic you’re discussing, or they may be jealous of your audience. Sadly, the larger your audience, the more haters you’ll attract.

In other words “Z” helped build back my self-confidence when it was faltering and even helped me with valuable tips on how to use social media more effectively to enhance my writing journey.

We never spoke about anything personal or at least I didn’t beyond the scope of writing.

I am not sure if it is the familiarity that did it for them or maybe it could be attributed to the affinity that developed through our conversations which made “Z” open up to me about themself with the hope that I’d do the same.

Well….

If I had not been forthright from the beginning about keeping my writing life separate from my personal life, it’s understandable that getting to know more about one another would be part of the natural progression of events.

However, I have always been transparent about this boundary so I don’t think I’m at fault here if “Z” chose to take umbrage at my closed-offness.

Nevertheless, it’s painful to lose yet another friend on Medium who struggles to grasp the concept of respecting boundaries.

I find solace in the fact that I can only control myself, not manage someone else’s actions.

🎈I’m curious, do you think it is important to have boundaries in your online writing life? Do share!

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