I Like to Record Myself Masturbating

Is it normal? And why do I feel compelled to do it?

I like some visual stimulation when I masturbate. Often, I use porn to accompany my self-pleasure. But occasionally, I’ll use myself.

I love watching other people masturbate (just check my search history), but at 18, I started watching myself do it, too.

It started out of curiosity. My boyfriend was working yet another late shift and I was lonely, bored of watching reruns, and horny. I was getting myself off and started to wonder what it looked like, so I grabbed my makeup mirror and had a look.

My curiosity was satisfied, but I realized that there was a bit of a sexy edge to what I was doing. There was something about watching my fingers touch my pussy that just felt good.

I did it a few more times. Then, my sex drive went in a major decline and stayed that way for years. I had trouble getting aroused, and when I did masturbate I wasn’t horny enough to grab the mirror and give myself a one woman show.

This year, my sex drive made a comeback. I’m fucking a lot more often. I’m masturbating often. And sometimes, I’ll watch myself do it.

I don’t use a mirror anymore. My phone is a lot more convenient. I’ll turn on the camera and angle it so I can get a clear view of what I’m doing to myself.

I don’t do it very often, but when I do it enhances the experience.

I tried to understand why I do it, what’s behind this impulse, but no matter how deep I go into Google, I mostly find people confessing to it, not explaining the appeal. So, I decided to lay out all the things I enjoy about watching and recording myself while I masturbate.

It’s Visually Appealing

I like the aesthetics of watching myself masturbating. There’s just something really nice about watching my fingers stroke and touch different parts of myself.

I also use a lot of lube — enough to need a towel nearby to wipe my hands after. That makes everything extra wet and glistening, which I find so visually appealing.

It’s also really fun to watch the way sex toys interact with my pussy.

When I got my first G-spot vibrator, I took it for a ride the same day. But there’s no way I was going to fuck myself with it and not have a peek. The way the toy stimulated my clit and G-spot at the same time felt great, but watching it slide in and out of my pussy was also very satisfying and definitely a highlight of using it.

It Intensifies the Physical Sensations

There’s something about watching myself masturbating that makes it feel even better.

I have no complaints about the way touching my pussy feels. But actually seeing the way my fingers glide over my clit turns it up a bit and makes the sensation more vivid.

I have no idea why watching makes it feel better, other than it engages more of my senses. That’s got to count for something, right?

It Feels Extra Naughty

Watching myself when I get off also seems a little taboo to me, and I really like that about it.

I started watching porn when I was only 12. That meant keeping the volume low or on mute, always being on edge and listening out in case anyone was coming, and having an overwhelming feeling that I was doing something I wasn’t supposed to.

I was being a very, very naughty girl.

Now, I get really excited by the thought of doing something I’m not supposed to. And even though I know other people like watching themselves get off, it still has that extra thrill to it.

It Fuels My Exhibitionist Fantasies

Even though I’m highly self-conscious, I find the idea of being watched by someone who wants to watch highly arousing. I get shy and embarrassed easily, but in a controlled setting, showing my body or having someone watch me doing something dirty is a turn on.

For the most part, that controlled setting is either fucking my husband in a dimly lit room or just fantasizing about scenarios where I’m exposed or at risk of being exposed.

Pressing the record button while I’m masturbating makes those fantasies feel more real. I can pretend that I’m making a video to share with Mr. Austin or maybe even to post on Reddit or Pornhub.

I never end up doing it. I always delete the file without watching it, let alone uploading it. But knowing my phone is recording is enough to push my arousal a little higher.

It Helps Me Get Comfortable with My Body

I have a love-hate relationship with my body.

I love the things it can do. I just wish I could love the way it looks a bit more.

These days, I try to hide my body less. I want to get comfortable with it and I’ve been getting more comfortable letting my husband see it.

But there’s one part of me I’m struggling to love: my labia.

It looks off to me. It’s a little too tucked away. And, since I’ve been through the body-altering miracle of childbirth x4 , it’s a smidge crooked.

I figure there’s only one way I’ll learn to like my labia, and that’s by looking at it more often, especially with a positive mindset. And it’s hard to think of a more positive mindset than the one I have when I’m jilling off.

We Don’t Need an Explanation

I suspect it’s a common thing for men to do, too. I’ve watched Mr. Austin masturbate, and I know he will occasionally look down at what he’s doing to himself. But somehow, that seemed so much more ordinary.

Maybe because all men have to do is crane their necks a bit to get a look — I have to grab a mirror or a camera to get a good view of the action.

So, I’m far from alone in doing this. But it’s a topic I’ve almost never seen discussed, except deep into some online forums.

Hopefully we can all change that and normalize masturbation as a multi-sensory experience.

I don’t know if I’ll ever follow through on my exhibitionist fantasies. The videos I record of myself might never see the light of day.

Instead, my next step will be to turn this into a couple’s activity. Someday, when Mr. Austin is fucking me, I want to grab my phone, turn on the camera, and aim it so I can watch his cock pump in and out of me. I’m sure I’ll delete that one, too, but I can’t wait to see it in real-time.

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