I Hate To Break It to You, but Not Everyone Likes You and That’s Okay

Getting over the desire to be liked.

“It’s not your job to like me. It’s mine.” Byron Katie

Day 14/100

The overwhelming feeling I had when I realised someone didn’t like me was fear. One person not liking me meant everyone disliked me. That’s how I grew up.

So today I celebrate having eventually learnt to accept that I do not exist to make people like me. But it is my responsibility to learn to love myself even when they don’t.

It’s an ongoing process. But now if this happens, I get to mentally hand back the burden of someone’s dislike of me. It’s not my feeling to carry. And that feels liberating.

I wish I knew this when I was 15 years old, having been told by a bully and her clique, with smug smiles, that I had no friends, because who I thought were, actually talked about me behind my back. I didn’t believe any of it. But she was, in fact, right. My group of school mates admitted they had previously not liked me and apologised for the gossiping, asking for forgiveness. They did it in writing, ironically. I pretended it didn’t hurt and let them off the hook. But the self doubt was there. Five years later when they betrayed me again, it was more significant. Lesson learnt!

When someone doesn’t like you, you let go, not hold on.

People will sometimes not like you. And it’s ok. It’s not possible for you to be the whole world’s best friend. The least helpful thing you can do is keep trying to figure out why they don’t. Or to try to change what people feel. No matter how unjust it seems. Because it is definitely more complex than just being about you. Judgement is formed by layers of personal experiences and beliefs. That is why, you need to understand, when someone doesn’t like you, it’s none of your business, it’s theirs.

You are not defined by other people’s dislike of you. But you have been gifted with the reason to love yourself more.

There is opportunity here though. When someone seems not to like you, what does it help you understand about what you really want?

My 15 year old self had always felt like a bit of a weirdo. So I felt unworthy of friends. Unlovable. I craved acceptance. Therefore it felt like no surprise to be rejected. And so, my low self esteem led me to hold on to a group of girls who were really not very nice to me.

Remember this, you are a child of the Universe. No one’s opinion of you supersedes that. So, stop trying to find people who like you. Find instead what you like about yourself. After that, your friendships will be about sharing an equal experience and not about validating your self worth.

Thank you for reading this article. If you enjoyed it and would like to read more motivational writing with a focus on self acceptance and becoming more visible, then… follow me on Medium here, subscribe to Medium here or feel free to buy me a coffee here. Grateful for you!

For more on overcoming people pleasing, please check out my other article on the topic here:

And you might like this one too: