Relationships/Love
I Had To Be Reminded To Make Love To My Husband
It was sobering.
I recently wrote about my friend who lost her husband to cancer. Well, the lessons keep coming as far as what I’m taking to heart from her unimaginably painful experience.
Recently, I was involved in a discussion with her and some other women. The other women in the group were commenting on how they often get too tired to desire sexual encounters with their partners. It’s a fairly common issue that often gets brought up among women who might be commiserating about their partners and relationships.
My friend, the one who recently lost her husband, piped up, and said, “You know what, ladies, you should do it even when you’re tired. You should have sex with them whenever you get the chance because the next day everything could change and it will all be gone.”
This was sobering. And, of course, true.
It’s easy to take things for granted when not only are the the people and things you should be grateful for right in front of you, but they are more of an inconvenience than something you are truly savoring in the moment — even though you know you should.
The art of gratitude is generally learned after we experience losing something sacred to us — something we inevitably take for granted on a day-to-day basis.
If only we could learn the lessons and feel the gratitude before the difficult experiences visit us. If only.
That said, I think it’s important to have those people around who have freshly been through the thorns of loss and who can be there to remind you about what you should be thankful for in the present moment — whether you can master that sensation or not.
My grieving friend isn’t saying these things out of spite or jealousy. She is genuinely telling us to hold those we love closer and to take those opportunities we may feel we’re too tired for in case they are gone tomorrow. She is experiencing the loss of not having her longtime lover there to put her arms around. She is haunted by the lack of his presence in her home and bed.
Grief can be a wretched companion to carry. It lingers and it hurts long after the scab of the original wound has healed. Being able to come to terms with the loss of someone you love can be a lifelong journey.
I appreciate the echoing words of my grieving friend. I hear her in my head as I reach over and randomly hold my husband. I hear her in my head when I get angry at my husband for something silly but then decide to make up with him instead of simmering with negativity. I hear her in my head when I feel too tired to make love but I initiate it anyway.
I hear her words. I’m grateful for all of it. Because not only is living life a constant lesson but so is losing it.
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