avatarMichelle Brown

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Abstract

couples grow apart sexually, and yet they still maintain a great intellectual relationship. Some partners may not want to lose that connection so they cheat in order to meet other needs. There are couples who experience the effects of an illness within the relationship, which can prevent sexual intimacy, so one partner may seek that fulfillment elsewhere.</p><blockquote id="587f"><p>Many people cheat because they don’t want to ‘hurt’ their partner with the truth of their unhappiness. Ironically, it’s usually the betrayal of an affair that ends up hurting a partner more.</p></blockquote><p id="c1a8">Cheating to stay and cheating to leave both come from a place of fear — a fear of dealing with the truth and a fear of facing consequences. Either way, if your partner doesn’t know you’re sleeping with someone else, it’s a betrayal — no matter what your reasoning is.</p><p id="ab06">If you’re cheating to stay because you’re afraid of being honest with your partner that deception will eventually hurt them on a much greater scale when they find out down the line.</p><p id="9859">If you’re cheating to leave, hoping that your betrayed partner will do the dirty work of ending a relationship that you didn’t have enough respect for to end yourself — it’s going to be a hell of a lot messier than just telling them the truth.</p><p id="ca97">In the end, being honest with your partner about why you want to stay with them even though you may not be entirely fulfilled — and why you might also want to leave them — is probably the best decision.</p><p id="a45e"><b><i>You can show your love for my writing by leaving me a tip of your choosing at my <a href="https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/TipMichelle">PayPal</a>, or by contributing on my <a href="https://ko-fi.com/michellebrown">Ko-fi page</a>! Thank you!</i></b></p><p id="4eda"><b><i>Want more juicy reads from me? Keep scrolling…</i></b></p><div id="302a" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/i-met-my-ex-husband-for-breakfast-and-learned-this-valuable-lesson-b4339dcc8ff6"> <div> <div> <h2>I Met My Ex-Husband For Breakfast — And Learned This Valuable lesson</h2> <div><h3>Time tells.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*YMHlinVefcmPudhuV7I-0g.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="fc55" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/my-husbands-friend-cheated-on-his-wife-and-it-s-affecting-our-marriage-fbd65766a277"> <div> <div> <h2>My Husband’s Friend Cheated On His Wife And It’s Affecting Our Marriage</h2> <div><h3>No one knows what goes on behind closed doors.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div>

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Relationships/Infidelity

Why Some People Cheat Instead of Just Leaving

The dirty work of consequences.

Photo by Crazy Cake on Unsplash

I’ve heard plenty of reasons as to why people cheat on their partners.

‘I’m not attracted to them anymore.’

‘I’m staying for the kids.’

‘I’m not in love with them anymore.’

‘She got pregnant so I married her.’

‘Our parents made us get married.’

‘She won’t divorce me.’

‘He won’t divorce me.’

You can view these statements as reasons or as excuses — whichever suits your fancy.

When someone cheats on their partner, you might ponder one out of two possibilities as to why. Either that person is telling themselves that cheating is the only way to make staying in that relationship tolerable OR they want out of the relationship but they don’t have the will to confront their partner head-on, so they just hope that their partner finds out about the affair and breaks up with them.

Both of those scenarios sound like massively complicated and roundabout ways of expressing discontent within a relationship. Regardless, this is the way many people operate in relationships. Human beings are exceedingly capable of creating problems where none exist.

Many people will decide to engage in affairs rather than tell their partner they don’t love them anymore. Other people will try to sabotage their relationships (consciously or subconsciously) by getting caught having an affair.

For some people, blowing up a relationship with an exposed infidelity might be easier than ending it with an honest explanation.

To admit that you are no longer happy in a relationship implies some sort of accountability. It means confronting a problem. It will probably break your partner’s heart. This is simply too difficult for some people to navigate. Therefore, they engage in risky, frowned-upon behavior such as having affairs.

Sometimes, it’s easier for people to be the ‘bad guy’ than it is to be an honest partner, unfortunately.

Then there are the people who truly don’t want to leave their partner but are extremely unsatisfied in the relationship — so they take a lover — or lovers. There could be varying circumstances for a partner deciding to stray but, most frequently, it has to do with sexual or emotional needs that a person feels are not being met within the current relationship.

Sometimes, couples grow apart sexually, and yet they still maintain a great intellectual relationship. Some partners may not want to lose that connection so they cheat in order to meet other needs. There are couples who experience the effects of an illness within the relationship, which can prevent sexual intimacy, so one partner may seek that fulfillment elsewhere.

Many people cheat because they don’t want to ‘hurt’ their partner with the truth of their unhappiness. Ironically, it’s usually the betrayal of an affair that ends up hurting a partner more.

Cheating to stay and cheating to leave both come from a place of fear — a fear of dealing with the truth and a fear of facing consequences. Either way, if your partner doesn’t know you’re sleeping with someone else, it’s a betrayal — no matter what your reasoning is.

If you’re cheating to stay because you’re afraid of being honest with your partner that deception will eventually hurt them on a much greater scale when they find out down the line.

If you’re cheating to leave, hoping that your betrayed partner will do the dirty work of ending a relationship that you didn’t have enough respect for to end yourself — it’s going to be a hell of a lot messier than just telling them the truth.

In the end, being honest with your partner about why you want to stay with them even though you may not be entirely fulfilled — and why you might also want to leave them — is probably the best decision.

You can show your love for my writing by leaving me a tip of your choosing at my PayPal, or by contributing on my Ko-fi page! Thank you!

Want more juicy reads from me? Keep scrolling…

Still here? I also have a podcast about being a stepmom. Check it out if you’re interested.

Relationships
Infidelity
Life
Life Lessons
Love
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