I Forgot How to Leave the House

It’s going on how many months of quarantine? I can’t keep track of time anymore.
Gotta run to the store. Okay, I need my wallet, keys, phone, mask, and hand sanitizer.
I know where my mask and hand sanitizer are, cool.
Where was the last place I saw my keys? I went to the store two weeks ago and left them where… in the ignition?
I’ll check my pants pockets. I wore my Adidas lounge pants last week, maybe they’re in there. Not there, okay, what pants did I wear the week before that, my Spongebob pants? No, those don’t have pockets. What hoodie did I wear that week?
Ah! They’re hanging up on my towel rack. Of course! From my decontamination shower after the last grocery trip.
Okay, now I have keys, mask, and sanitizer.
My phone and wallet usually are together, since the wallet is the magnetic flippy part of the phone case. But I took them apart because I only use the phone now…
Check the bathroom–the phone is by the toilet, nice.
Now for the wallet, check the desk, fridge, freezer, couch cushions…
Aha! It’s on my nightstand, because bed and phone. Right.
I’m ready!
Start car, adjust seat, check mirrors.
Oh! Grocery bags. Go back in house, find bags, back to car.
Oh! Shopping list. I wrote on the fridge with dry-erase. Go back, snap a pic.
Finally, exasperated but ready, I pull out of the driveway and head down the block.
The pedals feel funny…
I get to a stoplight and look down.
Slippers.
