5 Ways to Be a Better Partner During Quarantine
It can be challenging to be a supportive partner when you’re locked in together. Here are a few tips to get you through it. These can also apply to sharing space with parents, kids, siblings, and roommates.
Many of us are quarantined with a significant other during the pandemic-that-shall-not-be-named. These are helpful things I’ve learned during this time (with trial and error) that have helped me keep my relationship in good shape. Writing this article is also an exercise for myself to think critically about things I’m doing to be a good partner and to make sure to do them.
During lockdown, my wife and I have gone through waves of being annoyed at each other, getting along really well, spending all day together, and going all day without seeing each other. Here are the lessons I’ve learned:
1. Give your partner more space than usual.
We’re naturally together all of the time now, so make a point to give a little separation. All of that time we normally spend out of the house at work, school, or the gym is time they now have to look at our ugly mug. Try to compensate by carving out a space you can go away from them for chunks of the day. My wife and I took some time to dedicate office spaces and fun spaces where we can be alone. If you’re in a place that’s not big enough to be in a completely different room, try creating the illusion of separation with room dividers or sheets, or setting up stations that face away from each other. Your partner won’t feel like you’re avoiding them (because that’s impossible), and will be excited when they see you for together time.
2. Headphones Headphones Headphones.
We all have things we listen to that are quirky. Perhaps we like podcasts about obscure topics, loud video games, silly reality shows, or god-forbid: polka music. If our partner has to listen to those things they will eventually get annoyed (if they aren’t already). Headphones for both parties can be a lifesaver by preventing little annoyances from building up over lockdown time. It can be uncomfortable to wear them for a long time, so understand when your partner needs a break.
3. Schedule time together.
Okay, we’ve talked a lot about being intentional about time apart, but what about time together? Make some dedicated time together by scheduling a movie night, a walk, or a dinner. Why schedule time together when we are already together all the time? This will help both parties feel justified about that alone time, and appreciate the scheduled time together more.
4. Indulge.
In stressful lockdown time it’s easy to lean on comforts. Embrace this. Fall in a rut of over-eating, over-drinking, and over-indulging in any and all ways possible. Binge Netflix until it asks you “Are you still there?”, hit YES, and go back to mowing down a box of Taco Bell and a 6-pack of IPA. Stay in bed all day. It’s important for us to not feel guilty and give ourselves permission to indulge in whatever comforts we find comforting during this time.
Some of these things might normally raise red flags and make us wonder if our partner is okay. We know why things aren’t okay. Let’s cut them and ourselves a little slack right now, huh? Saying to your partner, “good for you, enjoy yourself,” goes a long way. We can go for a walk if we feel like it, but don’t push too hard if your partner wants to be lazy–it will just make them feel worse.
“The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” –Bertrand Russell
5. Laugh.
It’s too easy to be serious right now. Don’t forget to lighten the mood with a little humor. Watch a stand-up special. Find a funny joke and share it with your partner. Put googly eyes on something and wait for them to find it. Share a funny photo. We have to make the extra effort right now to find the fun in life.
Finally, remember that you love whoever it is you were thinking about while you read this article. Things will go back to normal and you’ll be able to say, “we made it through quarantine together,” and you’ll be stronger for it.