Why Everything Going Wrong In Your Life Is A Good Thing

I sat down to think about my fears. The fears that are always there, in the back of my mind, cause me to doubt and question myself. I finally decided to free myself from these fears, but to do that I had to determine what I was afraid of.

When I sat down I thought about the worst-case scenario and listed all the things that would happen if my fears came true. I listed out 12 things that I was then able to narrow down to three main points I am afraid of.

Once I knew what they were, I went about removing them from my life. The three things I fear the most about becoming successful are:

1. I will lose myself to work, my whole life will be busy and stressful, I won’t enjoy life.

I used to work in restaurants for 16 years. The hours are long and I would work 6 or 7 days a week. I was always working and when I did have time off I was too tired and unhappy to enjoy anything.

My life was consumed by work all day every day and I felt like life was passing me by. I am afraid if I become successful I will have to work all the time and go back to being tired and burnt out all the time.

I want to enjoy life and see what it has to offer, instead of just working all the time.

Solution

This may be true, to do anything meaningful and valuable takes a lot of time and effort. Doing something well takes years of practice and experience.

Part of the reason I was so worn out and unhappy in restaurants was that I didn’t care about the work. I enjoy cooking its fun, but there is no future for me in the restaurant industry.

So every hour of every day I spent in a kitchen was precious time I was wasting.

If we do something with meaning, we are more willing to put in the work needed. When we have something we care about and believe in, the work it takes to get it done seems effortless.

We can’t avoid work altogether. But finding something you love and care about makes the work more enjoyable.

2. People will laugh and make fun of my work and then me.

The friends I grew up with are jerks, I still like them but they can be mean. In the past, I was always looking for something else. I worked in restaurants but knew there was something else for me out there.

Every time I tried something new and put myself out there my friends would make fun of me and mock me. It got to the point where I assumed everyone felt and thought the same things my idiot friends thought.

This caused me to go into a shell to protect myself from the embarrassment and verbal abuse. Which has led to my sad small life.

Solution

This one may also be true. Starting anything new takes time and many mistakes will be made before anyone is good at anything. This is part of the process for everyone and it’s necessary for us to learn and grow.

I fear that people will see the work I put out and make fun of it or me. I am afraid to put myself out there fully because I think people will laugh and mock me, the more honest and venerable I am the more painful the insults feel.

The biggest thing I have to remind myself about this one is, who cares?

Yeah, some people will laugh and make fun of me, it happens to everyone, but I can’t let them hold me back or stop me.

The majority of people aren’t as mean and rude as I think they are in my head, I am projecting my fears and self-hatred onto others and assuming they think the same things.

A lot of the fears we experience in life are created in our heads and exist only in our heads. Being able to distinguish between what is real and what we made up is key to overcoming the fear of mockery.

3. If I become successful people will think I’m greedy and leave me.

This one goes back to my old friends too. I was always hardworking and determined. I worked a full-time job all through college which didn’t leave much time for partying.

They would criticize me for loving money and being too obsessed with work. I thought that me making a lot of money meant I was inherently evil. That everyone would think I’m a bad guy and will say I’m a greedy scumbag.

Solution

I have issues with money, always worried I don’t have enough and I am not good enough. I have always had dreams of being successful and making lots of money.

These two ideas seem to be a contradiction, and they are, that is part of what causes my issues. I want to have more money because I think that will mean I am a worthy person. I don’t want to be rich and hoard money like some green pig.

Do you see the constant back and forth that goes on in my head?

What I have come to realize is money isn’t good or bad, it just is. It all depends on how we make our money and what we do with that money.

I know I am a good person, and I will use my money to help myself and others. I will use my money and resources for good, to help others and the world.

I know who I am, so other people’s opinions don’t matter as much as mine does about myself.

The takeaway

We all have thoughts and fears that control us without us realizing it. The only way to break free from these constraints is to identify them and then eliminate them.

Ask yourself what is my biggest fear?

If everything went wrong what would happen?

It doesn’t matter if your fears are rational or not, just write them all down.

You may notice right away that some of those fears are silly and pointless, just cut them out now.

The ones that are more real and serious you can begin to explore.

Where does this fear come from? Why do I believe this? Is this true at all?

Finding answers or solutions to problems is good, but remember sometimes things are out of our control, there is nothing we can do about it, and that’s ok.

I’m not perfect and this little exercise doesn’t change that fact. But it does allow me to remove some of the blocks I put in front of myself so I can start living a happier more fulfilling life.

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