The Daily Write

I Am Afraid of Things I Can’t See

The list is long…

So Much Is Scary

Let’s get the ordinary fears out of the way: pandemics, mass shootings, war, cataclysmic natural disasters.

You know all the things that are not normal but are becoming normalized and make our little hearts squeeze up.

These worldwide crises are paradoxically far away and right in front of us. It’s a load for the heart to carry.

Personal Fears

I’m also terrified of flying and have made a handful of friends by distracting myself mid-air by starting memorable conversations.

I’m scared of wolves and wild cats because they are predatory and will follow you unseen.

Once, in the middle of the night, I became afraid that something was capable of walking away with my daughter’s soul. It was imprecise and probably impossible, but I tiptoed into her room to ensure she was still there. And, as far as I can tell, her soul is still intact.

I’m scared of boating in open water without land in sight.

I’m scared of a stranger coming to my door on a pitch-black night.

Do you see the thread here?

My deepest fears revolve around the unseen world, the elements I can’t predict or control. My fears also have something to do with this place where the known world is disrupted, where the science meets our hubris. But also, I’m terrified of calculated cruelty and forces, both human and more-than-human, that thrive on our pain.

The Big, Big Universe

When I was three years old, my dad played outside with me on a winter night. It was cold and clear, and he threw me up in the air and caught me.

I giggled, and he did it again and again. I still remember the black sky and the endless spread of stars. I told him to stop and said, “Don’t throw me up into the stars; I might get lost.”

The moment became part of our family lore: a small child recognizing the immense universe. He loved re-telling that story, an indicator, he would later say, that he was raising a poet.

But it is scary to consider our smallness in the deep, sacred wideness and wildness of everything.

My dad caught me each time.

And so we encounter our fears and catch each other: a friend, a child, a parent, a stranger…

So often, love shows up when we least expect it — when we feel alone or in free fall — we tether one another. Our fears are disbanded by connection: a conversation, an affirmation, an acknowledgment, or hug can be validating and lifesaving.

If there is any running theme that challenges all my deepest fears, it is this:

Love abides.

Key Message: There are many valid fears — especially of things we can’t see or control. However, we save and tether each other with acts of love.

This is in response to day four of Midform’s June writing challenge, “Write about what you’re most afraid of.” For a complete list of prompts, click here.

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