avatarPhilip Ogley

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Abstract

te for Quora.</li><li>They get married.</li><li>They go insane.</li></ul><p id="1db2">It doesn’t mean they are dead!</p><p id="4d7c">Therefore, I propose a new Medium icon that looks like this.</p><figure id="5dd3"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*OtNg7uwY9ScOzL5L05LybQ.png"><figcaption></figcaption></figure><p id="35f1">Each time a venerated Medium member passes away, a skull and crossbones appears beside their profile.</p><figure id="d84a"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*ncJVl2IJDP7ph7cxxZRjCA.png"><figcaption></figcaption></figure><p id="774e">This indicates to the reader that the person is dead, meaning they don't have to clap or comment or tag any more. And they certainly don’t have to tip!</p><p id="bbaf">Of course, there’s the difficulty of how Medium knows that the person is actually dead. They could simply be writing for Substack.</p><p id="7cc5">This is a problem, I admit.</p><p id="5bc4">Perhaps the algorithm could take a glance at their recent writing output and come to the conclusion they’re already dead.</p><p id="77f6">Or, alternatively, set up a system so that at the moment users slump onto the keyboard from that self-inflicted gunshot wound, they nudge a specially designated HOT KEY that automatically activates the DEATH icon.</p><p id="2072">This ensures that readers don’t waste any more time reading their stuff, and so can get on with their own pointless writing. Until they too reach the point when they can’t continue any longer and start greasing the barrel.</p><p id="7e35">Hopefully, if enough people do this, we won’t have to waste any more time on here, and can get on with whatever we were doing before we got sucked into the vacuum of despair that is Medium.</p><p id="22a0">Enjoy your day! And

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New Medium Features

How Will I Know if My Medium Friends Are Dead?

How I plan to mourn my dead followers

Photo by panyawat auitpol on Unsplash

The tragic thing about Medium is that you never know whether someone is dead or not.

How do I know that Scott-Ryan Abt hasn’t tied himself up in an eternal yoga knot, or choked on a bowl of his homemade granola. Or Smillew Rahcuef hasn’t been eaten by his hat. Or Grimsby Hackney hasn’t been mangled up in his cab. Or David Perlmutter hasn’t highlighted himself out of existence?

I say friends. But I use the term loosely. More vague acquaintances. Cybernetically generated avatars that just happen to share the same puerile interests as me.

I’ve got better friends in prison. Violent, emotionally twisted animals who wouldn’t hesitate to pull your spleen out of your chest and use it as a tennis racket.

Saying that, I wouldn’t want any of you to die. No sir! That would be a tragedy. Nothing is worse than waking up in the morning to discover that a half-liked acquaintance has passed away.

But how would I know for sure? People stop writing on here for lots of reasons.

  • They get a job.
  • They write for Quora.
  • They get married.
  • They go insane.

It doesn’t mean they are dead!

Therefore, I propose a new Medium icon that looks like this.

Each time a venerated Medium member passes away, a skull and crossbones appears beside their profile.

This indicates to the reader that the person is dead, meaning they don't have to clap or comment or tag any more. And they certainly don’t have to tip!

Of course, there’s the difficulty of how Medium knows that the person is actually dead. They could simply be writing for Substack.

This is a problem, I admit.

Perhaps the algorithm could take a glance at their recent writing output and come to the conclusion they’re already dead.

Or, alternatively, set up a system so that at the moment users slump onto the keyboard from that self-inflicted gunshot wound, they nudge a specially designated HOT KEY that automatically activates the DEATH icon.

This ensures that readers don’t waste any more time reading their stuff, and so can get on with their own pointless writing. Until they too reach the point when they can’t continue any longer and start greasing the barrel.

Hopefully, if enough people do this, we won’t have to waste any more time on here, and can get on with whatever we were doing before we got sucked into the vacuum of despair that is Medium.

Enjoy your day! And thanks for reading. For more despair, check out

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