Summary

The article discusses the potential reactions of a narcissist when their victim begins to grow stronger and more aware of the abuse, leading to a shift in the dynamic of their relationship.

Abstract

The article delves into the transformative journey of a narcissistic abuse victim, detailing the stages they go through as they become aware of the abuse and start to reclaim their sense of self-worth. Initially, the victim may experience a decline in mental and physical health due to the prolonged abuse. However, as they educate themselves and seek support, they begin to recognize the narcissist's manipulative tactics, such as projection, deflection, and blame-shifting. This newfound awareness leads to a pivotal moment where the victim challenges the narcissist, which can result in increased abuse or the narcissist's attempts to regain control through silent treatment or intensified devaluation. Ultimately, the victim's growth and refusal to excuse the narcissist's behavior can lead to the relationship's demise, either through discard by the narcissist or the victim's decision to leave.

Opinions

The author believes that awareness is a critical first step for victims of narcissistic abuse to achieve freedom and begin healing.
Education through books, articles, videos, and therapy is emphasized as a powerful tool for victims to understand their situation and recognize the true nature of their relationship with a covert narcissist.
The article suggests that the victim's growth and resistance to abuse will provoke a narcissist to either retreat or escalate their manipulative behavior, indicating a loss of control for the narcissist.
It is conveyed that the victim's realization of not being at fault for the abuse and their refusal to tolerate it any longer is a significant turning point in their recovery process.
The author warns that the period during which the victim stands up to the narcissist can be particularly perilous, potentially leading to increased danger from the narcissist's perspective.
The article implies that the narcissist's true self becomes increasingly evident to the victim as they gain clarity, making it impossible for the victim to ignore the reality of the relationship.
Dr. Melissa Kalt, MD, is presented as an expert on trauma and covert narcissistic abuse, offering resources and guidance for victims to break free from the cycle of abuse.

How Will a Narcissist React to a Victim that Grows Stronger from the Abuse?

What should the victim expect next?

The victim of the narcissist is repeatedly abused throughout the duration of the relationship. As a result of this abuse, the victim will gradually lose their self-esteem, self-confidence, and sense of self-worth.

They will develop physical, mental, and emotional symptoms they didn’t have prior to the relationship. The victim will get sicker and sicker.

At this point, one of two things will happen. They will either become aware of the abuse and choose to stand up and fight for their life OR they will die.

Awareness is the first step to freedom

As the victim becomes aware of the abuse, they start to do a lot of research — voraciously consuming books, articles, and videos. They may start seeing a therapist, join a support group, either in-person or online, or start asking for feedback from friends.

At some point, the victim realizes they are in a relationship with a covert narcissist. For the first time since the relationship began, things start to make sense. The victim starts to realize they were not the problem.

The pieces start to fall into place

The victim starts to recognize projection, deflection, denial, dismissal, blame-shifting, future-faking, and more. The pieces start to fall into place.

Just like in one of those online puzzles, once enough pieces are in place, it’s easy to recognize the subject of the image. You’re no longer guessing if it’s a gorilla, a sailboat, or a race car.

So too, for the victim. As the pieces fall into place, the victim discovers they are NOT

Too needy
Too controlling
Too sensitive
Too weak
Too insecure
Too overweight
Too full of themselves
Too into their career

They realize they DON’T

Put money before people
Bring on the abuse by being annoying
Own the narcissist’s behavior
Have to feel confused anymore
Have to stay in the relationship

Next comes righteous indignation

At this stage, the victim will start to stand up for themselves and challenge the narcissist. They don’t yet know what they’re dealing with and how dangerous this action really is.

The narcissist may initially get a lot of narcissistic supply from this exchange. Crying, sobbing, yelling, screaming, threatening to leave, but then ultimately choosing to stay gives them a crap ton of supply.

This supply for them comes at great cost, as they also increase their internal shame, fear, and rage. The narcissist will want to put you in your place, to shut this behavior down immediately.

They will either disappear for a period of time, hoping to punish you with a silent treatment until you beg them to come back and stop this behavior, or they will intensify their devaluation of you.

In either case, it’s not pleasant. In some cases, it’s downright dangerous.

The beginning of the end

Over time, if you stay, you will see their mask slip more often. They will be stressed, desperate, and more prone to mistakes. You will be more aware, more able to see what’s happening before your very eyes.

You will stop making excuses for them.

Eventually, you will see them so clearly, it’s impossible to unsee them.

At that point, they will discard you or torture you until you discard them.

Finally, you realize the relationship was over before it started.

Disclaimer: This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.

Dr Melissa Kalt, MD is a trauma and covert narcissistic abuse expert who helps high-impact women break free from the longstanding after effects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free risk-assessment guide, 3 Hidden Financial Risks Every High Income Woman MUST Avoid While Coparenting with a Covert Narcissist and find information on working with her on her website.

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