How We Self-Sabotage

Honestly, I made this journey more difficult for myself than it needed to be.

It’s funny how my childhood experiences impacted my belief and ability to seek medical help.

Let me explain — I’ve written about my digestive struggles and how I’ve dealt with the most health challenges this year (peep the blog below).

As I wrote this blog, I began writing about my poor self-image and how it impacted my ability to seek medical help when my symptoms started.

I removed those paragraphs and saved them to a draft, which led to this blog.

I wanted to give it its own space because too many of us do what I did — we talk ourselves out of doing what’s good for us because we dumb down our importance.

— Thinking back, I believed I shouldn’t need to ask the doctor to look me over again (after my appendectomy), even though it was part of his job.

I believed I needed to deal with the symptoms and tough it out.

My thought process was so twisted it got in the way of treating whatever is causing my digestive problems.

I didn’t know how to advocate for myself then, and now I’m left to deal with possibly a bigger mess.

Ugh! The frustration I feel towards my younger self. But also pity and compassion.

I didn’t believe I deserved the help. I didn’t think I was worthy of it. Since I wasn’t dying, I should be happy with that.

What a poor way to think about my health and myself!

Sometimes we talk ourselves out of advocating for our health and other things we’d like or need to do.

We’re doing ourselves a huge disservice by doing this.

As adults, we’re our number one advocate in every area of our lives.

Unfortunately, our beliefs (and sometimes resources) get in the way of properly caring for ourselves.

For many, seeking the best medical help is difficult because, like me, if you live in the United States, our for-profit healthcare system makes access to good care extremely expensive.

I pray for you and your family if you're dealing with chronic illness. I pray you can access the necessary resources and receive the care needed to improve your quality of life.

If you’re like me and what you’re dealing with stems most likely from what you’re consuming, I encourage you to take a higher level of responsibility and care for yourself.

To do this, first, we must hold ourselves in high regard. To think of ourselves as deserving of good health.

Everything started when I had to get my appendix removed. After the surgery, I developed severe gas and bloating, but I didn’t bother to seek further medical help.

My poor self-image prevented me from advocating for my health in the short and long term.

Many of us do this in other areas of our lives.

We have traumas and wounds that convince us we’re unworthy of better.

We try to do better but end up self-sabotaging — it looks something like this:

We begin making good decisions, like going to the gym or changing our diets, but not long after, we give up and go back to what’s making us sick and tired.

We’re unable to maintain the habits that have the power to turn around our health, our mentality, and our lives.

We let our subconscious mind sabotage us when we don’t address these traumas and wounds.

Have you ever done something you knew wasn’t good, and when someone asked you why you did it, you couldn’t answer the question?

This is precisely what I’m talking about.

Our subconscious mind recollects all those events and moments that hurt us, stuck with us, and made us feel less than.

When we don’t address the hurt and pain, it’s released in other ways, and if we don’t pay attention, we end up doing things like what I did — not seeking medical help when I needed it.

Let’s not allow our hurt and pain to cause further hurt and pain.

As I said, we’re our number one advocate so let’s take a high degree of responsibility for ourselves.

Now, I look at myself and my health as an investment. For it to grow, I need to keep working on myself and investing in my mental and physical health.

This will lead to the outcome I want: a long, functional, and fulfilling life.

Let’s start looking at ourselves for what we are — the best investment and asset we have.

When we look at ourselves as this precious thing that needs the utmost care, we begin making decisions and acting according to this belief.