The Mental Battle of Struggling with Your Health

I write this because I know there are many of you fighting this silent battle.

For the past three months or so, I’ve struggled with my health more than ever. At twenty-seven years young, I thought this would be the last thing I would be dealing with.

Fortunately, my quality of life and ability to do everyday tasks has not been significantly impacted.

But still, there’s a deeper worry these milder symptoms may be the sign of something more serious.

Maybe it’s not, and I’m thinking about it too much.

Either way, there’s something amiss, and not knowing, the limbo I’m in while trying to figure out precisely what’s causing me to feel less than my best is emotionally draining.

I know I’m not the only one who has struggled with this or is struggling.

I write this because I want others to know and remind myself we’re not alone.

We’re all fighting silent battles, whether emotional, physical or both.

Knowing my body is not working optimally, and feeling every day like something is off, has been a draining mental battle.

I’ve been fortunate not to have suffered like this in the past. For that same reason, I’m having a tough time. I’ve never been here before.

I may not have a deadly or incurable disease. Regardless, not feeling healthy and wondering whether this is permanent is terrifying.

My struggle right now is I don’t know exactly what plagues me. It could be digestive issues or allergies of some kind — the point is I don’t know; therefore, I don’t know how to make it better.

This waiting period, this rollercoaster ride of tests and doctor’s appointments, waiting for answers — it’s hard.

Ironically, there are moments of bliss. Since I don’t know what is affecting me, I forget I’m struggling from time to time.

However, it’s a double-edged sword because, other times, I think I’m slowly dying.

I went to a doctor’s appointment recently, and the doctor’s confidence that it’s nothing major has put me at ease for now.

I’m also grateful he’s willing to do more, double-check other things, and do additional exams to be sure.

When I hear stories of people being gaslighted or their worries being cast aside by doctors, when it turns out they were right all along, it’s incredibly disheartening.

I’m glad my doctor is acknowledging my concerns. I’m grateful he’s willing to do more than he believes necessary to put my mind at ease.

I’ve had ongoing digestive issues for the past six years.

At first, I was too stubborn to seek help.

I changed my diet and alleviated most of my symptoms, but a few remained.

These few symptoms have increased in intensity as of late, and that’s when my worries began.

I had been able to manage the discomfort, to function despite it.

But I had to be honest with myself. I needed to admit that I wasn’t completely okay.

I didn’t seek professional help when this started, and I regret it.

I had the resources at my disposal to see various doctors and perform whatever test was necessary, yet, I didn’t use any of them.

I admit I was too stubborn, not wanting to admit and accept that I had health problems.

Eventually, I took a hard look in the mirror and stopped lying to myself. Today, I feel I’m getting closer to a concrete answer.

Perhaps the biggest lesson I’ve learned through this is not to minimize when something does not feel normal.

To not gaslight myself. Convince myself that I’m fine and deny my symptoms.

A lot of times, we self-sabotage. And this is a classic example.

This further worsens the cycle of denial and worry. Going back and forth until I feel you feel you’re losing your mind.

But no more.

If you’re struggling with something significant or not, you’re not alone. As I said, we’re all fighting silent battles no one knows about.

Our health is the most precious thing we have. It allows us to give our time and energy to the people and things we love. Without it, life is not as sweet.

I’m learning to take my health very seriously. Both in terms of going to doctors, ensuring I’m fine and doing what I can at home through diet and exercise.

I’m grateful I’m getting closer to an answer, and I believe it won’t be significant. But it’s still a difficult thing to go through.

What lessons have you learned if you’ve struggled or are struggling with your health?