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so that we can match.”</p><p id="36fc">Are kids the best? No, Twitter is for reminding us that views and reads aren’t all that matters in the world. Potty talk from kids is worth its weight in gold.</p><p id="3b8f">And then, for the grammar nerds, we have <a href="undefined">Jessica Valenti</a> tweeting, “Wake me up when we’re talking about em dashes.”</p><p id="1fe3">If you think that didn’t set my heart afluttering you haven’t seen the books I edit. And my red pen that is worn down to a nub. THEY ARE NOT THE SAME AS PERIODS!!!!!!!!!</p><p id="3fa2">But the comments. CCing Emily Dickenson. Okay, I get it. You don’t get it. But the poets in the house will.</p><p id="3474">I had to leave that thread before a fight between the commas and semicolon geeks broke out.</p><p id="be24">But then I moved on to the more serious discussions. @Megwingerter posted a suggestion for school safety that popped up in her email inbox. “A proposal to protect schools from shooters by installing a sprinkler system that sprays olive oil, so an attacker would fall and not be able to get to the classrooms.”</p><p id="65d7">Of course, it was the comments that made this one retweet-worthy.</p><p id="120e">“@RotoPenguin offered: “Another fine graduate of the Nick-at-nite College of Serious Political Discourse.”</p><p id="be1b">Followed by a list of cheaper oils that would fit into every school’s budget: Canola, etc. Also, suggestions for baskets of balsamic vinegar and baguettes at the end of each corridor for snacking during the attacks.</p><p id="3bce">Some gourmet fiend added, “How about some parmesan cheese?” clearly not taking the problem seriously. Parmesan cheese only goes on top of flatbreads. Not baguettes that you dip in olive oil and fancy vinegars.</p><p id="0be6">But, turning away from school defense, if that’s not your jam (but continuing the food theme).</p><p id="16c0">We turn to, of course, the cat videos.</p><figure id="e334"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*TNJ_yH5hn-P4ZSEg"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@alexischloe?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Alexis Chloe</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><p id="80fd">Paul Brooks is the master as far as my research goes. But since my old computer won’t upload tweets, I suggest you find him yourself. Then sit back and stop worrying about the lengths of your articles for awhile.</p><p id="44fc">@saaamscottt6 posted my final thought for the day. “almost 22 years ago 2 people had sex and now I have to go to work everyday.”</p><p id="3716">Only in my case, it was more like 80 years ago. But same problem. Cue up the music for me to get down to business, thinki

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ng up serious sh*t so I can get those dreaded stats up.</p><p id="0672">And if you’re a reader not a writer, surely you have a worry or two in your life. May these snippits of humor brighten your day as well.</p><p id="6941">In the meantime, pass along the funnies. If you’re as old as I am, it’s what we used for laughs before <a href="undefined">Ev Williams</a> invented the Twitter machine.</p><div id="ad98" class="link-block"> <a href="https://psiloveyou.xyz/im-80-years-old-why-am-i-still-procrastinating-f47774f49064"> <div> <div> <h2>I’m 80 years old. Why Am I Still Procrastinating</h2> <div><h3>Do I Think I’ll Live Forever?</h3></div> <div><p>psiloveyou.xyz</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*toGgcBzHLFDBmHG2)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="bbbe" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/david-and-goliath-in-antarctica-4936981f6b0a"> <div> <div> <h2>David and Goliath in Antarctica</h2> <div><h3>Where size doesn’t matter.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*YULHFsKMP8ddfkJ7HKwAIg.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="0998" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/whats-it-like-to-get-old-df062cfb7da3"> <div> <div> <h2>What’s It Like To Get Old?</h2> <div><h3>Have you ever seen an interview with the oldest person in your town, or the oldest person in an audience, or the oldest…</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*i3y6keItA2-bOsua)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="2648">I’m an editor and writer on Medium with Top Writer status. I’m also an editor for the publication, Rogues Gallery. I’ve published 55 titles on Amazon and edit for private clients. If you’d like to hire me as your editor for fiction, non-fiction, or business writing, <a href="http://dailywritingcoach.weebly.com">please contact me here</a>. If you’d like to read more of my work on Medium, click here to <a href="https://upscri.be/vplxec">sign up for my newsletter</a>. I’ll make sure you don’t miss a word. Thank you for reading.</p></article></body>

How To Use Twitter To Overcome Medium Blues

Life isn’t all about story length. Or is it?

Okay, Medie buddies. I’m as glum as you are about the changes. Not about my stats per se. Too soon to tell whether I’m permanently underwater, but just, you know. Change. I’m doing the Why should I have to learn something new when I haven’t even mastered the old stuff boogie along with the rest of you.

Believe me, I feel your pain.

So I’ve come up with some balm for the soul and turned to our BFF Twitter. No, not for improving our reach. Not to get new members to fill Medium’s coffers and maybe sink a few Lincolns (or whatever the Brits and Aussies call their pennies) into our bank account.

Just to lift up our spirits. So we can live to write another day.

Because I don’t know about you, but my mojo has left the building, y’alls.

I haven’t had a decent idea since Medium sent out the memo, and I didn’t even get the memo. Nope. I’m not on their Holiday Card list. Had to hear it from a friend. Know what I mean?

But since I’m here for the duration, meaning the rest of my self-designated twelve-month experiment to see if I can win Medium, I have to do something to get my groove back. And that’s why I’ve turned to the geniuses of Twitter.

Operating preposition: Of. Not at.

I still haven’t figured out how to maximize my reads using the platform.

But for laughs? They are the best. Stay with me.

Jennie Dair Berney tweeted “5yo just squished my belly together and told me I have two vaginas, in case you’re wondering how my morning is going. #2vagmorning.

To which I replied: LOL #1/2vagmorning #hystersister (If you get my meaning for you over the hill gals who’ve had your privates yanked)

Scrolling down to the comments we find @RachelKTweets replying, “My 5yo has to be reminded that no, I will not eventually grow a penis so that we can match.”

Are kids the best? No, Twitter is for reminding us that views and reads aren’t all that matters in the world. Potty talk from kids is worth its weight in gold.

And then, for the grammar nerds, we have Jessica Valenti tweeting, “Wake me up when we’re talking about em dashes.”

If you think that didn’t set my heart afluttering you haven’t seen the books I edit. And my red pen that is worn down to a nub. THEY ARE NOT THE SAME AS PERIODS!!!!!!!!!

But the comments. CCing Emily Dickenson. Okay, I get it. You don’t get it. But the poets in the house will.

I had to leave that thread before a fight between the commas and semicolon geeks broke out.

But then I moved on to the more serious discussions. @Megwingerter posted a suggestion for school safety that popped up in her email inbox. “A proposal to protect schools from shooters by installing a sprinkler system that sprays olive oil, so an attacker would fall and not be able to get to the classrooms.”

Of course, it was the comments that made this one retweet-worthy.

“@RotoPenguin offered: “Another fine graduate of the Nick-at-nite College of Serious Political Discourse.”

Followed by a list of cheaper oils that would fit into every school’s budget: Canola, etc. Also, suggestions for baskets of balsamic vinegar and baguettes at the end of each corridor for snacking during the attacks.

Some gourmet fiend added, “How about some parmesan cheese?” clearly not taking the problem seriously. Parmesan cheese only goes on top of flatbreads. Not baguettes that you dip in olive oil and fancy vinegars.

But, turning away from school defense, if that’s not your jam (but continuing the food theme).

We turn to, of course, the cat videos.

Paul Brooks is the master as far as my research goes. But since my old computer won’t upload tweets, I suggest you find him yourself. Then sit back and stop worrying about the lengths of your articles for awhile.

@saaamscottt6 posted my final thought for the day. “almost 22 years ago 2 people had sex and now I have to go to work everyday.”

Only in my case, it was more like 80 years ago. But same problem. Cue up the music for me to get down to business, thinking up serious sh*t so I can get those dreaded stats up.

And if you’re a reader not a writer, surely you have a worry or two in your life. May these snippits of humor brighten your day as well.

In the meantime, pass along the funnies. If you’re as old as I am, it’s what we used for laughs before Ev Williams invented the Twitter machine.

I’m 80 years old. Why Am I Still Procrastinating

Do I Think I’ll Live Forever?

psiloveyou.xyz

David and Goliath in Antarctica

Where size doesn’t matter.

medium.com

What’s It Like To Get Old?

Have you ever seen an interview with the oldest person in your town, or the oldest person in an audience, or the oldest…

medium.com

I’m an editor and writer on Medium with Top Writer status. I’m also an editor for the publication, Rogues Gallery. I’ve published 55 titles on Amazon and edit for private clients. If you’d like to hire me as your editor for fiction, non-fiction, or business writing, please contact me here. If you’d like to read more of my work on Medium, click here to sign up for my newsletter. I’ll make sure you don’t miss a word. Thank you for reading.