How to Strengthen Relationships With Your Mentors in Order to Create Total Empathy

Building a pleasant personality must be the lever to eliminate your biggest obstacles

My grandfather was the first photographer from my hometown. So, as you can imagine, everybody knew him. He passed away in 2017 at 96 years old and had an extraordinary life.

Even today, people come to me talking about my grandfather. One of the last times, a woman from her 50s came to me and said that my grandfather was a true gentleman. Each time they saw each other, he was kind enough to gently lift his hat as a sign of respect and good manners.

My grandfather José always said to me: “Son, for you to be respected, you have to respect everyone.” In my hometown, before I start being known as a good basketball player, I was always associated with the great photographer.

José was not only the father of my father but also one of my best friends. He worked his ass and made a respectful career. The Mayer gave him the most prestigious award in the city. And the minister of culture from Portugal also came to my hometown to honor him.

We don’t use to see these kinds of gentlemen these days. Things today are much more impersonal. Cities get bigger and bigger and lose that small-town identity, where everyone knows each other. Many principles dissolve. Many labels are unique to a specific era that spans a few generations and then disappears.

I insist on telling all the details of the past to my daughters. Having the notion of the past makes us respect the future. It’s an endless fight against ignorance.

Regardless of your primary goal in life, you will achieve it with much less difficulty after learning to cultivate a pleasant personality and the delicate art of allying yourself with others in a particular initiative without friction or envy.- Napoleon Hill in The Law of Sucess

My grandfather didn’t believe any success can be achieved without two critical things:

Having the courage to look at a mirror and find the actual causes of our errors;
Respecting everyone for you to be respected.

As a child, I attended regularly the famous café Santana. Only the most prestigious men in town could enter. Inside the café, my grandfather frequently whispered in my ear don’t be afraid to ask anything when you don’t know the answer. These men seem to be untouchable, but if you show interest in one thing, go there and ask. It’s better for you to know the truth rather than assume facts that you later perceive to be wrong.

My grandfather was my first mentor. And since an early age, I inherited precious advice that guided me in life. And that, at certain times, supported me to make courageous and tough decisions.

Since then, I never stop finding new and refreshing mentors. They were the pillars of my personality — people who knew much more than I did and helped me to grow and finding my purpose in life.

How can we build relationships with a narrow group of mentors with whom we should create total empathy?

Everything is negotiable.

One of the hardest things to do in life is to negotiate. Without realizing it, we negotiate since we were born. The first deal we closed was with our mother when we cried because we wanted to keep breastfeeding.

We can call it another name, but it seems negotiation is the right term if you think about it.

When you’re a kid, you spend all your time negotiating with your friends. Whether it be about riding a bike, playing soccer, exchange cards, or even give the first kiss to the beautiful girl from the building.

When you went to school, negotiate with your best classmates to exchange home works.

Yet, when you work you negotiate in prime time. You do it daily. You even do it in your dreams. Your ambition makes you think about negotiations 24/7, without realizing it.

And that’s where things get hard.

There’s a time where your personality and your posture have to come to the top. And it’s precisely at these periods that things usually fall apart.

I see so many people being everything but respectful and generous, changing their behavior to get what they wanted when the time comes.

This is the elevation of the human being to the extreme of hypocrisy. Until the need arises, some kinds of people are arrogant, boastful, and false. When the time comes to ask for favors, they wear a mask and pretend to be what they are not.

I get pissed when that happens. I prefer to turn my back and avoid these kinds of people. They only survive according to their interests, without worrying about those around them.

Society does not need these people. And I run away from them whenever I can. Yet, you can identify a generous person. They have unforgettable energy and a unique sparkle in their eyes. The way they talk and act makes you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and fears.

These kinds of people are always willing to help, as long as they identify in you the willpower to use their time efficiently.

Empathy in mentoring relationships.

If you want to create some kind of empathy with someone you admire, you must put yourself in the shoes of others. This is a crucial aspect. Without it, it is very hard to have anyone able to spend their time mentoring you.

A good mentor identifies quickly if the disciple is mature enough to receive new teachings. If you are not a pleasant, tolerant, and flexible person, hardly anyone will invest their time trying to mentor you.

Empathy is a complex attribute. It’s beyond simple compassion. For the mentor to create empathy with the mentee, several connections have to happen simultaneously.

First, the mentor has to have tools to provide the mentees with all the right approaches, identifying the pains and frustrations among all disciples. Mentors must determine what are their expectations and concerns. But also being responsive.

“Mentoring is a long-term relationship that meets a developmental need, helps develop full potential, and benefits all partners, mentor, mentee and the organization.” Suzanne Faure

Second, the mentees have to be open to change. The mentor can be a very free mind teacher. Still, if the mentee didn’t build throughout his life a flexible attitude, open to dialogue, with the capacity to assume the error, the energy between the sender and the receiver will always be intermittent.

A personal case

I started writing on Medium in May 2020. One of the first things I did was find mentoring. After a month, I found [arlie] PEYTON with his 6-figure freelance writer course.

Fortunately, this online course gave me a broader view of writing. It gave me the base pillars to write on Medium. But also showed me the incredible world of brand journalism, full of new opportunities and growing demand.

Then I found Sinem Günel with her Medium Writing Academy. Her Coaching and Mastermind gave me an inside perspective about Medium.

[arlie] PEYTON’s course made me have a long-term perspective on becoming a full-time writer. Sinem Günel is a top writer on Medium, and her practice was the ultimate kick for my recent improvements on this platform.

I frequently change emails with [arlie] PEYTON. He shares some deep thinking and new ideas. He’s a very experienced teacher and has been around this industry for a long time. Sinem Günel is a hard worker. She and her boyfriend have an extraordinary dynamic. They are always helping young writers to improve their skills. You can see a recent interview between Sinem and Dayana Sabatin, a young and promising young writer.

Right now, I’m watching for the second time every lesson from both courses to confirm if nothing is missing.

For someone who’s starting as a full-time writer, having these two mentors is outstanding support. With my next month’s income, I will pay for both courses. So, believe me when I strongly suggest everyone invest in knowledge all the time.

I’m preparing to reinvest, this time in an email marketing course. But I’m keeping my eyes open to the new Tim Denning online course. I recently watched an interview between Sinem and Tim. And this course is going to put my writing on another level.

Having an appealing personality and always being ready to learn more are the perfect ingredients for your financial independence.

Final Thoughts

If you’re one of those people who always do things alone, you’ll have tough times ahead.

Even examples as Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, or Bill Gates prove that nobody gets there on their own. They usually get surrounded by excellent partners. And they frequently find mentoring with experienced and knowledgeable technicians.

You only do that by building a pleasant personality. No one will have an idiot on their side who is always questioning what the mentor says. These people end up being alone in their corner, depending only on their ego, envy, and stupidity.

Mentors can help you with their experience. But also with their capacity to exponentiate human ability and inborn skills.

Create within you a constant desire to learn new things. Thinking that you already know everything will only delay you before your competition.

Pay to learn. It’s probably the most critical investment we can make.

We save time and more quickly reach our financial and personal goals.

Besides, creating a friendly relationship with our mentors means you will always have people with whom you can share the latest information.

Don’t forget that your next mentor has already been in your place. The only difference between you and your mentor is experience and an uncontrollable desire to learn.

Being a pleasant person with a little bit of restlessness and curiosity will make you the next mentor.