Why Appreciate and Not Criticize Distinguish You As a Writer
When someone criticizes you, they lack the capacity to appreciate the difference
If you became a writer and received that particular message from one of your followers criticizing your work, welcome to the club.
That’s something we must get used to. Most recently, I wrote an article about haters. And the hard truth is that haters hate. That’s what they do. Generally, haters start with jealousy, loneliness, or envy, before they became what they are.
Some followers criticize with good and juice arguments, and that’s my kind of follower. They make you reflect on your opinion. And sometimes you have to thank them because your follower’s point of view made you realize your belief is not as well-grounded as you thought.
Unfortunately, most messages aren’t from healthy followers, but from haters. They try to argue with empty argumentations, to wait for the perfect moment to free all the hate about you or your opinion. In those cases, I do nothing.
Even people who criticize me with containment usually start the argument right there. No “Hi” or “Hello, Nuno.” You feel the coldness and the urgency to start arguing. It seems that they are afraid that ideas will run away. And they reach the middle of the text without words to continue the irrefutable proof that my point of view is wrong.
Is it possible to give criticism with kindness? Is it possible to provide thoughtful criticism and avoid being critical?
Be an encourager. The world is plenty of critics already.
You should internalize some significant reasons. Only then can you be more generous, polite, and encouraging. Even when the argument is otherwise.
1) Giving you a fresh perspective on a specific subject
Some of the criticisms I received made me change my opinion about a particular subject. You’re not master Yoda. You’re a human being that sometimes is wrong. Being open to other views means you dominate your ego and show maturity toughness.
2) To see your favorite writer improve.
I’m a non-native writer. And often, I had followers who kindly corrected my grammar. They liked my content but realized that I was just starting with my writing journey. So, they helped me in grammar or structure. And that’s something remarkable.
3) To start a good conversation.
I have three friends on this platform. We frequently comment on each other’s work. Fair, honest, and respectful conversations make us see things from different perspectives. But also strengthen our connection increasing the curiosity to know each other personally. And who knows, one day a great friendship will be born.
4) To hurt someone
Haters hate; that’s what they do. My advice? Don’t waste a second with them. They just want you to feel bad about yourself. Why? Because they are sick people. Haters hate themselves. Whether it’s because they are jealous of you or are very lonely people. You deserve respect. So, the best thing to do is do nothing. Move on and read exclusively fair criticism.
5) To empower their ego.
Some of my haters write an extended argumentation. So long that it could entirely be an article. But usually, they don’t write articles. It’s ironic but true. Usually, haters don’t have one single piece written. But they write a lot — long essays explaining how extraordinary their brain is. The truth is they haven’t got what it takes- courage. They use the platform to show the world how wonderful they are. They are a kind of top model that strolls by the seafront, but then, it gives them a bellyache on the day of the real passerelle.
Why criticism always hurts?
Do you remember your parents yelling at you because you spend too much time playing in your back-yard? Do you remember your oldest brother breaking your mind saying your ears are too big? Do you remember being made fun of by your classmates for bringing your new ultra prescription glasses?
Since we’re born, we’re criticized in the severest ways. Life is hard when we’re young. Kids don’t have filters; they mock each other 24/7. That’s what innocence does.
Since early times, we get critics. From our parents, grand-parents, classroom mates, friends, almost everyone.
Usually, they are harmful. That’s why we don’t react every time we face critics. Let’s see some reasons why we aggressively respond to critics:
1) Criticize with your heart in your mouth
When we don’t control our emotions we respond with profanity, insults, and anger. Generally without having time to reflect on the complaint itself. It’s a defensive reflex of decades to be criticized, mostly in a negative, derogatory, and often insulting way.
2) You focus on the person, not on the content.
Our prejudices influence us more than we think. Most of the time, we criticize people because we don’t like them; we don’t know why. Mostly we don’t even know the person very well. Our prejudices dominate most of our perspectives on others. So, we should focus on the content, not on the person. And we usually do the opposite. Sometimes just by looking at someone’s face, we induce they have some kind of profile. The majority of the time, we’re wrong.
3) They assume you’re in the offense all the time.
There is certain kind of people who have such a defensive position. Even when you’re kind and share your opposite ideas, they build a wall to protect themselves from you. Usually, these people suffered hard times when they were young. You can’t do anything with them, so don’t lose time. Some people don’t admit any critics, period.
4) They’re proud obfuscates their clarity
Many writers assume they are always right. So, their brains work in a way they justify everything, sometimes with strange arguments, to be correct. Those people also don’t need our attention and our time.
Final Thought
If you start a critic with a “Hello, dear friend”, things start smooth.
I’m a teacher, and professors taught us that we should give feedback to our students with positive, negative, and positive reviews. Meaning, we would give them a good critic, then talk about what is wrong, and finish with good feedback again.
That way, we lower our students’ defenses by giving them good critic at first. Then, finding them more relaxed, we would explain what went wrong. But right after that, we would return to a positive critic.
When we’re criticizing another person, we have to realize we’re entering on delicate ground. So, it’s better for us to start with a good vibe.
Another essential thing to keep is being specific in the critics. If you’re vague in your argument, people will realize you’re not sincere.
Focus on the action, not on the person. What you’re criticizing is one idea. If you’ll be kind, specific, and only describe your thoughts, the probabilities for you to win a friend and be respected will increase.
You don’t have to be a moron or share your frustrations with other writers.
Do it with a box bag, or yell at an inanimate object, but don’t do it with another human being. Don’t be a real hater. Haters are depressed, isolated, and idiotic people.
If you want to elevate your uniqueness, and develop your mental toughness, reread this article and practice.
Being a nice person or a real imbecile is in your hands. Do not think that you are a victim of your genes. This is the most blatant lie. You are responsible for the type of person you are: just you and nobody else.
The world needs more love and dispenses everything else that doesn’t matter.
Be kind.
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