How to Shift Your Brain from Anger to Compassion

Attention is like a bright light; whatever it shines on becomes the focus of the mind

Why is compassion important?

We need compassion because life is full of challenges and trials, and in general we are all learning and doing the best that we can with the tools available to us. And the fragility of the human species means that we are all vulnerable to injuries and disease. We each have a lifespan, whether short or long, with both a beginning and an end.

When we really start to think about it, anything can happen to us at any time, both good and bad. Life is so full of promises and camouflaged perils. As the human species, we are in this gauntlet of life together. And the more that we work together, the more that we are able to ease the suffering of others and in turn reduce our own internal suffering.

We all want to be at peace, happy, and free — this is our commonality and common language, the language of compassion. And it is this awareness that serves as the fundamental building blocks of compassion.

Although compassion is important, it isn’t always a straightforward, linear process (but what is?).

I view compassion as a sensitivity to suffering with a steadfast drive to try to smooth and diminish the suffering of others and ourselves.

Compassion isn’t used interchangeably with other emotions such as fear, love, and hate, because it’s hardest to have compassion for those that have wronged us or others. It’s perhaps just as difficult to find compassion for people that do not share our values and views. But this doesn’t mean that we should stop trying.

Compassion toward all takes practice and a cultivated awareness of our commonality.

The hurdles and traumas of life can also influence our ability to show and receive compassion. Think of someone you know who is stuck in a psychological cycle that prevents them from showing compassion to themselves and others.

In my experience, we can break free from this cycle by understanding how and why we think what we do, by becoming aware of our own awareness. Then we can mindfully cultivate compassion in its multitude of forms, including compassionate feelings, compassionate behavior, compassion decisions, and compassionate thinking.

This teaches us to be receptive to our own suffering and the suffering of others, because it is then that we can start to diminish suffering through consciously compassionate acts.

What do our brains have to do with compassion?

We are all uniquely created.

But our brains are formed by our genes, which means that the way that our brains work can actually give us a lot of problems. One major source of trouble comes from the fact that we have two brains.

First, we have a primitive, older brain with a lot of the same functionality as many other animals. Just like the family pet, we are naturally motivated to steer clear of harmful situations. We can also be possessive and jealous, territorial, anxious, happy, and excited, just like our animal counterparts.

But there are also differences, which come from our ancient primate ancestors (about two million years ago) who started using language, symbols, and conscious reasoning to create their culture systems (although animals do this, too). This was where the new brain entered the picture, and which provides many benefits as long as the two brains interact in a positive way.

Here’s an example: a gazelle sees a tiger and flees, identifying and countering threats, which is what our older primitive brain excels at. If the gazelle gets away safely, it will rejoin its herd and start joyfully grazing again. But as humans, we tend to think, “That was terrifying. What would have happened if I was caught? What if this happens tomorrow? What if I am never safe again? This is horrible!” Hours later, the fear and apprehension are still present.

So even though the danger is no longer present, our new brain can’t let it go. We think, ponder, ruminate, and create scene after scene in our mind, imagining the worst that could happen. This traps us in a needless cycle of fear and anxiety.

Here’s another example: consider a child who is beaten by their mother every evening after school. The child will begin to associate the memory of coming home with fear and then becomes terrified every time they arrive home. Home is no longer a safe place. This happened to me, and it took years of conscious rewiring of my brain to rationally separate the memory from the present.

So how does mindfulness help this situation?

It helps because mindfulness fuses the primitive and new brain so that they understand each other.

Using mindfulness helps us to be aware of our own awareness, to understand, observe, and heal from these negative interactions and situations. It is much like fish that live their entire lives in a cave; no light may be present, but light still exists.

Give this fun activity a try: purposely imagine your enthusiasm and elation about a dream trip, or the possibility of getting your dream job.

Concentrate and focus for a minute, observing how your body reacts. Then purposely change your focus to a worry or disagreement in the present.

Observe your body’s reaction. It was more than likely a very different sensation.

This works the opposite way as well, being that nine positive things can happen to us but we tend to dwell on the negative one. For example, if nine people compliment your work, but one is very angry and critical, try recalling and dwelling on the positive nine. Spend a little bit of time letting the positive compliments wash over you, bathing you in joy, contentment, and elation.

That’s what it takes to break out of the anger cycle — conscious awareness and intent. And it is that awareness and intention that is the secret to unlocking and cultivating compassion.

The important thing to remember is that we have the capability to purposely choose compassion and also make the choice to cultivate it. This will rewire our brain and put us back in control of our thoughts and consequently our lives.

Our minds are like gardens; they will extend and grow spontaneously. But if untended, they are affected and influenced by the nuances of their environment and whatever happens to be nearby.

Some things will multiply and grow naturally, while others will become desiccated. When we lose control over our internal garden, we may not like the results, even if unintended.

On the other hand, if we foster compassion within us, which has the ability to heal and reorient our minds, we can create our ideal internal garden. It requires fortitude and courage, because compassion means getting up close and personal with our fears and anxieties.

We must be ready to confront our internal pain and then soothe that pain with compassion for ourselves and others.

This is not easy, but it is entirely possible. And it all starts with conscious awareness, and the intention to make decisions about what we want to have in our mind.