How to Overcome Perfectionism: Stop Being So Hard on Yourself

7 Ways to Overcome Perfectionism and Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy

Is it even possible to overcome perfectionism when you are in the habit of being hard on yourself?

I used to wonder how it can be possible to stop self-criticism due to the harsh voice that keeps going on internally.

It is as if it ran on auto-pilot. The critical voice had a way of judging a mistake, a flaw or an imperfection relentlessly. I don’t consider myself a 100% perfectionist but there was a time when my critical voice would obsess over the tiniest of details on many aspects.

Well, it took me quite some time to undo the habit that was clearly not serving my growth and well-being. I’d like to share about some of the negative outcomes that used to affect me. They could be the same reasons on why you would want to let go of perfectionism too.

Consequences of the Need for Perfection

1. Procrastination Or Not Getting Things Done

The fear of not being able to create great work can stop you in your tracks from producing anything at all. It can cause you to procrastinate or to trigger imposter syndrome. Thus, you end up taking a long time or not even get started. Some examples include…

• You can’t seem to put yourself out there because you believe that you are “not good enough”.
• You cannot seem to launch a finished product such as a book or your online course, because it is not perfect.
• You can’t bring yourself to hit “publish” even after editing your article for the 20th time, thinking that people are just going to criticise it.
• You spend hours obsessing over some minor detail that only you would notice.

2. Becoming Indecisive

Making a decision can be challenging for the perfectionist. Nothing seems to be good enough. Since it is hard to make up your mind, you go from one idea to another. As a result, you become ungrounded.

What could be worse is that the longer that you take in deciding, the more you shame yourself for being indecisive. According to Napoleon Hill in Think and Grow Rich, an analysis from several hundred people with vast fortunes disclosed the fact that every one of them had the habit of reaching decisions promptly. Hence, if you are indecisive, your harsh inner critic has no qualms about letting you know that you don’t have what it takes to be successful.

3. Obsession over Appearance

The need for perfection can also affect you if you are constantly bombarded by negative messages from the media about what “good looking” means. You may even believe that you need to look picture-perfect, in order to be liked. Well, this can cause problems like body-shaming and an inability to love and embrace yourself.

If your dream is to be an influencer, you may feel the need to shore up the false image about having it all together — one that can introduce tremendous stress. You are constantly trying to keep up! It is as if your life depends on your Instagram profile!

4. Never Feeling Satisfied and Often Unhappy

You are highly critical of your own mistakes or if you fail to meet certain expectations. If you are not mindful, the sense of dissatisfaction can hijack your day and in every thing that you do. Thus, you are constantly unhappy.

It’s also possible to miss the big picture of things. You downgrade your assessment of a product or service because you believe that your whole experience is compromised by a spelling error, a grammar mistake or an extra spacing. Your mind becomes focused on what is going wrong, than what is going right.

“If you look for perfection, you’ll never be content.” ― Leo Tolstoy

Even though you feel unhappy, it’s highly possible for the sense of dissatisfaction to be subtle. That you want things perfect can escape you. Just like how it was for me for years. As I have found, overcoming perfectionism starts with first creating awareness that you have perfectionistic tendencies.

Roots of Perfectionism

Could it be that you’ve been taught that it is worthy to strive for perfection since young? From the time you were born, you might have learnt that you need to be and look perfect. It’s how you can get love and attention from your parents and caregivers.

In your growing years, you could have also learnt that getting perfect scores is how you gain approval. It may be expected of you to do well in school. So if you get 9 out of 10 in a spelling test, you wouldn’t have met expectations. I’ve had clients telling me how they would get caned or punished for not doing well too. Worse yet, their scores were often compared to their smarter sibling.

Note that there is nothing wrong with wanting to produce your best work or hoping to present yourself in the best light. However, as mentioned, having a perfectionistic streak can have negative consequences. You become your own worst enemy. Shaming yourself for your imperfections can erode your spirit!

Tips to Overcome Perfectionism

Fortunately, as we bring the problems associated with perfectionism to light, we are better able to address it.

Tip #1 to Overcome Perfectionism: Work on your self esteem.

Behind the need for perfectionism could be the thought of “I am not good enough”. Hence, work on improving your self-esteem and confidence. Address your issues at the root cause by releasing any childhood trauma.

Realise that you are already whole, despite the imperfections that you see. Embrace who you are — faults, warts and all — totally. Silence your inner critic with the light of awareness. Use energy releasing methods such as Emotional Freedom Technique to work on shame, if you have identified it as a root emotion.

Tip #2 to Overcome Perfectionism: Set Reasonable Expectations

While you recognise your efforts in wanting to be the best you can be, it’s also important to set reasonable expectations. Acknowledge your limitations. Setting excessively high standards adds unnecessary stress and reduces your overall well-being.

Ask yourself “good enough for whom?” There is no need to exert undue pressure. No one is born superhuman. If everyone around you thinks that your work is wonderful as it is, consider taking their opinions seriously.

“When nobody around you seems to measure up, it’s time to check your yardstick.” — Bill Lemley

Tip #3 to Overcome Perfectionism: Look at the Big Picture

It will help to take a few steps backwards to gain a better perspective. Ask yourself if the detail that you are obsessing over is really that critical. Does it truly affect your overall assessment of something that is actually already good?

Changing your perspective allows you to know that it is up to you to perceive meaning. There can be perfection even within the folds of imperfection. Having a couple of flaws makes you authentic, rather than fake.

Tip #4 to Overcome Perfectionism: Understand that You are a Work-in-Progress

You are on a learning journey, just like everyone is. Avoid confusing excellence for perfection. Hence, don’t allow allow perfectionism to hold you back from producing, delivering or publishing your work. You can always go back to revise, make corrections or amendments after collecting feedback.

“When you aim for perfection, you discover it’s a moving target.” — George Fisher

Overcome Perfectionism by Embracing Your Imperfection

Realise this truth: you are already perfect at the soul even though you could have human imperfections.

“You see, when weaving a blanket, an Indian woman leaves a flaw in the weaving of that blanket to let the soul out.” — Martha Graham

Stop holding yourself to impossible standards of perfection. Instead of aiming for perfection, work on being real instead. Embrace yourself for who you are and take comfort in the universal truth: You are perfectly imperfect!

“One of the basic rules of the universe is that nothing is perfect. Perfection simply doesn’t exist…..Without imperfection, neither you nor I would exist” — Stephen Hawking

Recommended Reading

Follow me on Medium to read more of my articles on self-love and creating the life & business that you’d love.