How to Love an Independent Woman

Did you fall for an independent woman? Congratulations! Here’s an instruction manual to deal with her

An independent woman can be intimidating. She is confident and self-minded, and she often can come across as inaccessible.

The woman who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The woman who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has ever been before. — Albert Einstein

It’s easy to fall for an independent woman: her self-confidence is hard to resist; her “I don’t take shit from no one” attitude, impossible to ignore. She’s a magnet; you want to learn more about her, listen to her talking about her projects, achievements and passions. You want to see her talking about what moves her and what she’s into — she’ll do it passionately, you’ll be dragged into her tells.

An independent woman expresses herself freely; she won’t hide the traits of her personality; she doesn’t fear people’s reactions. She lives on her own rules. This is one of the reasons this woman will have a bunch of acquaintances but only a few intimate friends: she’ll only relate with those who accept her the way she is. She won’t tolerate people who don’t respect her.

She built an incredible life for herself, she has no time to lose with what others think, nor she will consider their opinions or judgements. It’s her life: those who watch it from the outside don’t have a word to say. In her mind, they might have a lot to learn with her.

An independent woman is strong and bold. If you fall for her irresistible personality, you’ll never regret it. Yet, it’s good to have a clear idea of what you’re going to deal with. Don’t be afraid, it will be the challenging relationship of your life, but it will be the one — the one you’ll never forget.

Buckle up your seat belt and let’s go for a ride into an independent woman’s mind.

(Disclosure: I am a damn warrior, an independent, strong-minded woman, so this article is based on research and my experience. Any doubts about dealing with your super-cool independent woman, feel free to drop me a line).

Don’t tell an independent woman what to do

This woman is used to do everything on her own. If she has a goal, she’ll draft a plan, detail actions, resources, and schedules to achieve it. If she needs help, she’ll find the right people for it and she’ll negotiate it. Hardly she’ll accept freebies.

If you’re in a relationship with an independent woman, don’t expect this to change (or anything else, for what matters). She might ask for your opinion and suggestions, but the last word will be hers. She already had her mind settled when she asked you; she wouldn’t share an idea that’s not her best version.

If you’re the type of person who likes a woman to need you to do things or to make the final decision, here’s some advice: leave. An independent woman is not for you (nor you for her).

Independent women are self-sufficient.

She will be making her own money, have her own support system and be responsible for her well-being. This doesn’t mean she won’t lean on you for things — she will. What this means is that she doesn’t need you to cover her needs. She wants you by her side, to live with her, to witness her successes and, sometimes, her failures (that she sees as lessons for the future). But not to solve problems for her or pat her back when things go south.

So, resist the temptation of telling an independent woman what to do. Instead, watch her doing her magic: solving her problems, fighting her battles, turning tables upside down. She might win, she might lose. But in the end, she’ll be proud of trying and standing up for her beliefs. Be there to celebrate it with her; she’ll offer you a damn good celebration.

An independent woman doesn’t need you: she wants you

This woman is already fulfilled; she needs no one to please her needs. She has nothing missing in her life. If she does, she goes and gets it, by herself.

An independent woman doesn’t need a relationship to complete her or make her happy. She already is.

As long as you understand and respect her independence, this woman will be a loyal and close partner. If you threaten her independence, watch her walk away.

Just because she’s in a relationship, she won’t change her personality or take a step back in what she achieved. Don’t fantasize that now you’re a couple, you’re going to “take care of her” or be her “saviour”. She will always be self-sufficient.

She doesn’t need you, but she wants you by her side.

Obviously, she will appreciate your help, but only when she requests it. Which won’t be often, as most of the time she knows exactly what she wants and how to get it.

Don’t feel threatened by an independent woman

Usually, she manages her life with an immensity of rules, and she has a strong opinion (and voice) about everything, she’s a problem-solver by nature.

Eventually, you’ll feel she takes your right to make decisions away from you. An independent woman occupies a lot of space in a relationship. Still, she is fair: if you feel fading away, or needing more presence in the relationship, be open about it and tell her. In the same way she wants to be heard and respected, she wants it for you as well. She knows how much it matters! In fact, if you are in her life, it's because she saw in you a similar strong-minded person.

She wants a strong and confident partner by her side.

In your relationship, each one of you will have a personal and interesting personal life that, in the evening and days off will share with the other. You’ll do things together, of course, but one won’t depend on the other to do the things you love. So, if she tells you she’s going to hike or roller skate on her own, don’t take it personally: she prefers to do it alone and have a great time than knowing that you only accepted her invitation to please her.

This woman will never try to change you; she will love you for what you are.

An independent woman rules her life, but she’s not infallible

Her independence and strength didn’t come from thin air: this woman earned her position, lots of times due to tragedies and disappointments, abuses or people letting her down constantly.

An independent woman crawled her way to where she is. But don’t expect her to share her sad stories with you, she lives in the present, not hostage in the past.

An independent woman isn’t immune to being hurt (even if she acts like she’s above hurting). She’s emotionally strong, but she’s human; she has emotions, feelings and desires, like any other person, of course.

Being by her side, you’ll be the person she trusts the most, so she will be open to you, and she’ll be vulnerable near you; she’ll be vulnerable to you. If you take advantage of that and hurt her, be prepared for a fight you can’t win.

An independent woman is not infallible, but she certainly knows what she wants. More importantly: she knows what she’s worth and won’t settle for less.

Her self-preservation instinct is stronger than anything else.

She will celebrate your achievements as her own

For an independent woman, her goals and ambitions are crucial. Sometimes more important than you. She’s ambitious — she had to be, to get where she is now. Don’t be demotivated by her occasional absence; support her on her path. When the time comes, and it’s you pursuing a dream, she will be there for you and use her strengths to push you forward.

She wants you to be as successful as your potential, and she will celebrate your achievements with genuine pride.

Final thoughts:

Loving an independent woman is different from loving a woman with a different personality type. Yes, it will be challenging, but absolutely worth it.

This woman is continually learning, changing and growing, looking at ways to improve herself and her life. She’s always looking to reach her full potential. And if you’re together, she will help you to reach yours.

If you decide to share your life with her, accepting and embracing her independence and bravery, your life will be equally fulfilled: she will inspire you; she will push you forward in your personal growth. She wants you to be as happy as she is.

She wants to be happy with you — side by side. Together, independently.

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