13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do
Empower your mental strength with these strategies
We all struggle in life, and we all go through hard times. Obstacles sometimes seem to pile up in our way.
In these situations, you can either give up, change your route, or you can take control of the situation and not be defeated. That’s what mentally strong people do. It doesn’t have to be a hard or complex self-development process — you can empower your mental strengths.
The strongest people aren’t always the people who win, but the people who don’t give up when they lose ~ Liam Payne ¬ Ashley Hodgeson
In her book “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do,” Amy Morin writes about how mentally strong people manage their emotions, thoughts and behaviours: what they don’t do.
Mentally strong people will evidence their strengths not in what they do, but in what they don’t do.
Let me guide you through the mindset Morin states as being the essence of mentally strong people.
13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do
1. They don’t waste time feeling sorry for themselves
Feeling sorry for themselves is something mentally strong people simply don't do. Instead, they understand and accept that life isn’t always easy or fair.
It’s a waste of time and energy to be focused on something you can’t do anything about. Think about it: being focused on how bad your job interview went will change the outcomes? Are you investing in improving your future results? No, because you’re stuck on the negativity of the situation instead of doing the opposite: how can you do better next time.
Engaging in negative emotions impacts negatively on yourself and your relationships. The solution is to focus on the positive elements of your life, most importantly: on yourself. Use those skills and work towards a better outcome.
Let self-pity die alone and embrace gratitude.
2. They don’t give away their power
Mentally strong people won’t be controlled by others, they will protect their power: it belongs to them and they will not give it away, to anyone. They are in control of their emotions, they choose how to react to others, to events and triggers.
If you put your power in the hands of others, you’re opening a door for hurt and disappointment. If you lose control of your issues, the results won’t be as you designed but will be dependent/influenced by others.
Not giving away your power is not the same as being vulnerable: when you’re in an intimate relationship, you should be vulnerable, to allow the other person to truly reach you. In love, you should find a balance of power.
3. They don’t shy away from change
It’s normal to feel intimidated by change: the unknown, the stepping out of a comfortable and predictable zone. But mentally strong people see opportunities in change: they know it’s inevitable.
Instead of fighting change, they embrace it and even welcome it. They trust their skills to adapt and overcome any obstacles.
For mentally strong people, change is another opportunity for self-development.
4. They don’t waste energy on things they can’t control
If you try to control everything that happens to you, you’ll be exhausted. It’s too much energy to allocate to ineffective things. It’s impossible to control everything that happens around you and with you. You will burnout.
Some things go beyond your control. However, there’s something you’ll always have full control over: your attitude; your reaction to events.
Mentally strong people won’t focus their energies on what they can’t control but in what they can.
By investing your attention and energies in things you can control you’ll decrease your anxiety and stress levels, giving space to new opportunities and positive emotions.
5. They don’t worry about pleasing everyone
Mentally strong people consider other people’s opinions, but they aren’t affected by them. They aren’t people-pleasers; they are self-pleasers.
You can’t please everybody — this is something mentally strong people take for granted. There’s only one person you should please: yourself.
Self-confidence is the key to personal success, not people-pleasing.
6. They don’t fear to take calculated risks
It’s part of human nature to fear risk-taking. But as Morin says, “a lack of knowledge about how to calculate risk leads to increased fear.”
As long as you ask the right questions and analyze realistically the risk, you’ll have all the information you need. You won’t be paralysed by fear or doubts.
When mentally strong people have to make a big decision, they’ll analyse the risks involved and predict the positive and negative outcomes of their decision. They will be prepared to deal with both.
7. They don’t dwell on the past
You live in the present. You live with the consequences of your past decisions, but it’s all behind you, in the past. There’s nothing you can do or say to change it, so why be stuck there? Why waste time daydreaming about how it would be if you said or did things differently? It won’t ever change what already happened.
Mentally strong people acknowledge the past as it happened and take lessons for their future. But they’ll live in the present, not regretting past actions nor fantasizing about the future. None of them exists, only the present time does.
Mentally strong people live in the present moment.
8. They don’t make the same mistakes over and over
By analysing your actions and identifying what went wrong, you prevent repeating your mistakes.
That’s why mentally strong people have the habit of self-reflection. They learn exactly what went wrong and what they could have done better. Next time they’ll do it differently, using a new approach, adopting new strategies. Besides that, they accept full responsibility for their mistakes, not assigning blame to others.
9. They don’t resent other people’s success
Mentally strong people will celebrate other people's accomplishments, they don’t resent or get jealous about someone else’s success. Even if that success means their defeat. Instead, they’ll assess their performance and identify what should be improved. They want to win, but fairly, with their own merit.
Mentally strong people will always have the main focus on themselves, not on others. They won’t be distracted from their path and self-development.
10. They don’t give up after the first failure
For mentally strong people, failure isn’t the last step of the way. Failure is part of the path, an obstacle to overcome. They know there are lessons to be learned from failure and they’ll find how they can improve. They will not give up.
Failure is an opportunity to grow.
11. They don’t fear alone time
Alone time is a powerful resource for mentally strong people. They enjoy their own company and don’t feel the need to be always surrounded by people.
They’ll make the best of their alone time, planning their next project and ways to improve themselves.
12. They don’t feel the world owes them anything
Mentally strong people don’t feel entitled to anything: they work hard towards their goals. Failures are on them, they will not put guilt on others or get angry about how “unfair the world is.”
They will not compare themselves with others or claim other’s success as their own. They will dive into new challenges and opportunities with an open mind, provided with a strong risk assessment. They will be ready either to win or to not win. They will never lose.
13. They don’t expect immediate results
Success doesn’t happen overnight: you have to work for it. Patience is a trait of mentally strong people, they know their abilities and they understand the timeline of things.
Success takes time and is a result of personal investment; it’s made of achievements and failures; it’s a long-term path to walk. Mentally strong people embrace this reality and will build up their way to success.
Reading Morin’s 13 traits of mentally strong people, you might recognize yourself in all of them or a few. Either way, the important is to recognize and define your own traits.
Start by investing in your self-knowledge and, from there, work in building a more resilient and mentally strong self.
Feeling disappointed, frustrated or angry are natural emotions, you shouldn’t feel bad about it. But you shouldn't embrace or give them the power to hold you back from being the person you should be: the one functioning at your full potential.
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