Scotland Apologizes After 300 Years To The Witch-Hunt Victims
Do insane witch-spotting techniques exist? Witches and human’s fascination with them are unending.
1962 was a good year for carrying out witch investigations, they had clear-cut rules defining what made qualified someone as a witch. You can use them right now to find out if your child or someone else around is involved in witchcraft!
There were literally signs and things spread out against their defense. Just like Europe, Scotland was in a sheer wrap of witch-craft for a huge chunk of time. This is why no wonder, the country held the highest rate to execute the females it suspected of this act.
It is reported when this activity was at its peak, mothers would kill their daughters so that they won’t have to go through it.
Imagine yourself being a mother in that era. Let’s look at the criteria or rather stereotypes that made your child qualified as a witch by society!
You Have a Daughter
If this is the case, prepare the burning stake ASAP! Witchcraft is definitely a female-dominated career. In the famous Salem Witch trials, 19 people hanged for witchcraft, including five men and 14 women.
Is rich
If you got bank, you will be drowned by the bank! Many of the people put through the drown or sink test for witchcraft were financially independent. This raised suspicion as these people could easily purchase an eye of the newt and the hair of the gazelle!
Is broke
If you got NO bank, you will be drowned by the bank! How dare you be poor and homeless? Where did you spend all your money? Clearly, you’ve been hexing instead of hustling. This was also the case for Sarah Good, who was definitely up to no good begging for food on the street!
Loves Doc McStuffins
If your kids love Doc McStuffins and plan on being part of the healthcare system, they are basically asking for a cauldron for Christmas. Margaret Jones was one of the witches hanged for prescribing medications in 1968, clearly, the woman was evil.
Has female friends
Everyone knows what happens at girl sleepovers, it’s all about that ouija board and chanting charms. If your daughter has female companions, keep a close eye on your salt supply and even a closer eye on your cat, the only thing worse than a woman with friends is a woman with a cat!
Had a fight with her friend
Oh no, you told your daughter to cut off her friends? Well, this only makes matters worse. Now you have two witches beefing because of you, you might as well require a rabbit foot right now because you’re about to be seriously hexed.
Had a fight with…anyone?
Disagreements are a witch’s biggest tell. If your child frequently is beefing with people, they may be involved in witchcraft! There is only ever one explanation for them to not get along with other kids: they smell of cooked frogs!
Is headstrong and opinionated
If the tongue wags too much, it’s definitely fit for singing out spells! If your child has been showing signs of intellect and individuality, they are just seconds away from becoming evil masterminds. Rachel Clinton is a tried and tested case, take them to the court immediately!
Has a birthmark
Sorry, but that mole is where their animal sidekick will be suckling out blood! This kid is definitely cursed.
Is old or likes their grandpa/grandma
If your child looks 80 when they’re 8, they have definitely sold their souls to the devil for some magic. Beware of your ageing parents as well, everyone knows witches are old hags, so if your child happens to enjoy grammy’s sweet pies a little too much, I’m afraid to tell you, that pie has goat intestines frosting. Rachel Clintons, a witch of Salem, was an old woman who was also said to be quite quarrelsome. Grumpy old women are textbook witches!
Is Young!
Well, sorry folks. But Dorothy was only 4 when she was accused of witchcraft, so if your child happens to be younger than 10, off to the stakes they go!
Has no siblings
Well, in this case, YOU are the witch. Of course, you’re jealous you’re not changing 10 diapers instead of the one, you’re basically milliseconds away from hexing everybody.
Neighbors don’t have any children
Again, in this case, you are the evil hag stealing the babies from their fertile sensitive wombs. How could you?
Butter or Milk has been rotting in your fridge
Electricity issues? Very hot weather? We don’t care, if your kid’s favourite choccy milk went bad in the fridge, they are evil and deserve to walk the plank!
Your unmarried teenage daughter has lost her V-card!
Sex out of wedlock? Punishable by death! Martha Corey, one of the witches in Salem was hanged to death for the same crime.
Your daughter has said, “I’m going to marry X when I grow up!”
If your teenage daughter is an avid fan of Harry Styles or Jimin from BTS and has her eyes set on marrying them, she may be a witch. Love potions are the oldest mix for witches, and your ward is definitely brewing some in her room. Tituba of Salem was accused of the craft for this very reason, though the identity of the eye candy she was swooning over is not known.
Your child has broken a Biblical rule
Now I want to hear no “But my child is a Muslim/Jew/Hindu/Sikh/atheist etc.!” IT DOES NOT MATTER! Breaking a biblical rule is basically a pact with Satan!
If your child fits any of the descriptions above, then you have a little witch on your hands. Better ship them off to Hogwarts right now before an unfortunate, bad-mouthed aunt goes flying out at dinner like a hot air balloon!
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