How to Have Great Phone Sex (Even if You Hate the Phone)

Your complete guide to getting off at a distance

The first time I heard someone have an orgasm over the phone, I made myself come harder than I ever had.

Just an hour before that, I had no idea I would be getting on the phone with this guy.

Having phone sex isn’t the kind of thing that ever occurred to me. And when I did think of it, it scared me.

I have a very distant relationship with the phone. I keep it on hand at all times, but I let every call go to voicemail and then reply by email or text.

When I was young and wild, I was too shy to ever do or say anything dirty while cradling a phone to my ear.

Then I got settled in a relationship and I was relieved that I’d never have to even think about phone sex again. There would probably never be any opportunities to have it. I was in the clear.

But then I got a crush on someone who lived 4,000 kilometers away from me and that changed my whole attitude to it.

Phone sex was still scary and intimidating. But it was that or cybersex.

And as much as I liked cybersex, I know how turned on I get when I hear people get off or talk dirty.

Just thinking about it made me feel hot. So, with a strong mixture of arousal and panic, I agreed to get on the phone.

I was touching myself but it wasn’t like masturbation. I didn’t feel alone at all. I could focus on all the sounds he was making. I got to feel vulnerable knowing that he could hear me moan while I was thinking of him.

It was so much more intimate. I wasn’t just rubbing my clit — I was rubbing it for him. I was making myself come so he could hear me come. And he was doing the same for me.

It took me a long time to catch my breath once I was done. As I lied there, still gripping the phone and listening to his heavy breath on the other end, I couldn’t stop asking myself the same question. “Why have I never done this before?”

I fell in love with phone sex that night. I’m still the girl who lets every call go to voicemail, but that’s the one exception I’ll make.

I haven’t done it in a while, though. I don’t currently have a long-distance crush I’d want to do it with. And even though I’m having sex regularly, I miss fucking over the phone.

Having physical, in-person sex is better. Mutual masturbation can be hotter. But there’s just something about phone sex that makes it a unique experience.

I’ve been thinking a lot about phone sex lately. Not just because I’m kind of jonesing for it at times, but because a lot of people are socially isolating and feeling really pent up and horny.

There are couples still in their honeymoon phases who now have to stay apart. There are fuck friends who can’t meet up to take care of each other’s needs. And I know a lot of you are hitting people up because they’re kind of cute and you just want that connection.

But a lot of that is happening over text — or not happening at all.

I know sexting can be fun. But if you’re not phone fucking, you’re seriously missing out.

It can be intimidating and I get that. Most of us barely ever actually use our phones as phones and just the thought of using it for sex probably makes you blush.

But as a phone-hating Millennial, let me assure you that there’s nothing to be scared of. With the right approach, you will just get lost in the experience and have an amazing time.

I was thrown into it pretty abruptly, but you can take a smarter approach. These are my tips to help you prepare for your first phone fuck, or to improve your next one.

You Don’t Have to Say a Word

I might have warmed up to the idea of phone sex more quickly if I realized that I didn’t have to say a thing.

When I pictured phone sex, I always imagined people talking dirty or creating some kind of erotic story together.

I basically thought of it as cybersex but over the phone.

But the best part of phone sex is just hearing your partner get themselves off. And that can be the only part.

If you’re too nervous to talk dirty over the phone (I know I still am), you can still have phone sex. Just agree to call each other up and get off without saying a word.

It’s Okay if It’s One-Sided

You might be the shy one, and that’s fine. If your partner is more confident with their dirty talking skills, they can take the lead and do most (or all) of the verbal work.

All you need to do is listen to them, touch yourself, and make all the noises that come naturally when you’re getting off.

That’s where I am with phone sex. I’m way too shy to talk dirty, and for some reason it’s even worse over the phone. But I fucking love hearing it.

A guy who’ll just talk dirty to me while I moan into the phone? Sign me the fuck up.

Some of my phone sex experiences were me listening to a guy tell me dirty stories while we both masturbated to them, and it was damn good.

Start with Sexting

I think one of the reasons I was so quick to agree to phone sex the first time I did it is because we were already having cybersex.

It helped me ease into it. I could work my way up to it instead of just starting on the phone.

Plus, all that sexting made me really horny, and I’m a lot bolder when I’m horny.

Starting with sexting is a great option if you’re still a little hesitant about having phone sex. It also works really well when you don’t want to be verbal but you still want all the filthy talk. You can get the best of both worlds by having those dirty exchanges on your screens and only getting on the phone when you’re both hot and ready to make yourselves come for each other.

Use Toys

I have a recurring fantasy about falling for someone who lives really far away and using sex toys that sync up so we can get off together.

We would get on the phone and use our toys and allow them to do their long-distance connected magic so it’s like we’re getting similar sensations.

Or we get a toy he can control from an app on his phone. I love the power dynamic involved in letting someone else decide how I get off. He could edge me, he could turn up the vibrations without warning me, he could reward me by deciding to let me come — and I could reward him with the sounds of my pleasure.

I love that fantasy, not just because it’s hot but because interactive toys can help you feel closer. It can make phone sex even more intimate than it already is.

But you can still use toys to enhance your phone sex experience, even if they’re not synced up with each other.

Ladies, use your favorite vibrator and describe the way it feels. Fuck yourself with a dildo and describe the experience while saying you wish it was his cock inside you instead.

Guys, get yourself a good stroker and tell her how wet and soft it feels. Describe the sensations on your cock. Fuck your pocket pussy but describe it in the second person, like it’s her pussy you’re fucking.

Go Hands-Free

Holding the phone means you don’t get to play with both hands (and it’s more fun when you get to use both). Cradling the phone between your ear and your shoulder works, but it’s a little distracting.

So, go hands-free if you can.

Speaker phone works, but I prefer using earbuds or a headset because I love hearing the sounds up close. It just feels more intimate, like they’re whispering directly into your ear. There’s something very arousing about that.

Give Them Instructions

I would personally love to experience some sensual domination over the phone and be told what to do to myself.

If you have a dominant side, channel it and make your partner edge themselves. Tell them you’re in charge of when they come and that they can only finish themselves off when you let them.

Be their live JOI. Walk them through the entire session.

Or just make it playful and tell each other what you want to happen.

Tell them to take off their clothes. Tell her to spread her legs and finger herself. Tell him to stroke his cock slowly. Ask them to describe how it feels and give them more instructions.

Act Out a Fantasy

Phone sex is a perfect opportunity for a little roleplaying. Because you can only hear each other, it’s perfect for letting the imagination run wild.

Even if you’re both lying in your bedrooms in your pajamas, you can pretend to be anything or anywhere you want to be.

You can act out encountering each other on a train and fucking in one of the private cars. Or you can be caught sunbathing in the nude and get fucked real good. You can meet in a public place and fuck in front of a crowd of people watching. You can act out that threesome you sometimes talk about.

Whatever the hell your fantasy is, indulge in it, with as many details as you can.

Or you can keep it simple and just walk them through what you would do to them if they were with you. From the teasing, to the foreplay, to all the stuff you would do to their body if you could just get your hands on it.

Watch Porn Together

Choose a porn video together and watch it while you’re on the phone.

Comment on it. Talk about the action you see on the screen and what parts of the scene really turn you on.

Start masturbating together while watching. You can mute the video and make your own soundtrack instead.

Send Nudes

An even better way to add a visual element to your phone sex is to send each other nude photos or videos.

They can be nudes you’ve already taken when you were feeling cute and banked up for them. Or they can be candid shots you just took so you could show them and say things like “Look how wet you’re making me” or “This is how hard my cock is right now.”

Nudes also help with creativity. It’s so much better describing what your mouth would do to his cock when you have a visual aid to help you. And it’s a lot more exciting to tell her how your fingers would touch her pussy if you actually get to see it.

Replay Your Best Sex Memories

If you’ve fucked before, use it. Think back to the best sex you’ve had, or the hottest scenario you fucked in, and recount the whole thing.

Describe how amazing your partner looked. How the atmosphere was just perfect. That dirty thing they did that surprised you and felt so fucking incredible.

Be evocative. Bring them back to that moment. Turn that memory into erotica.

If you’ve never had sex, you can each describe the hottest experiences you’ve had with other people. But make sure you’re both really into it before doing this because your partner might consider it a turn off to hear about a time when you fucked someone else.

Get Some Material

One of the big obstacles people have when it comes to phone sex (or dirty talk in general) is just not knowing what to say.

What sorts of things do people say when they’re phone fucking? Where do you even start? How can you say more than two sentences without running out of ideas?

If you’re stuck, it’s okay to prepare by getting material or inspiration from elsewhere.

Reading erotica is a good way to learn how to get really descriptive about your fantasies. So is listening to audio porn.

You can also watch JOI porn videos so you can hear a porn performer walk someone through a masturbation session. Unfortunately, almost all of the JOI out there is specifically geared to men, so if you’re hoping to get help walking your lady through her self-pleasure, you’ll have to dig deep.

If you’re nervous about being put on the spot, you can also write out your fantasies ahead of time and rely on what you wrote down instead of having to come up with something off the top of your head. Or you can just find a really good erotic story and read it over the phone.

Be Loud

Let your partner know just how aroused you are by moaning, groaning, and shouting things like “Fuck yes!” and “I’m gonna come!”

You don’t have visuals (unless you sent nudes, in which case, good for you) so you have to rely on your voice to show them how good everything feels and how hot they’re making you. So, don’t hold back and don’t be timid.

Obviously, that’s only if you can. If you’re self-isolating with your parents and they’re trying to sleep in the next room, maybe don’t climax operatically. But if you’re all alone or have supportive roommates, go ahead and belt it out.

Your instinct might be to stay quieter because it makes you feel self-conscious to have someone focus on your voice when you’re vocalizing your pleasure. But that’s just it. They’re focusing on your voice because that’s what they’re getting off to. So, give them something good to work with.

And you’ll have more fun if you let yourself be loud. It just feels better to come with complete abandon instead of having to muffle yourself.

Don’t Skip the Aftercare

You shouldn’t hang up the phone after you come. Or if you do agree to hang up after you finish, make sure you’re texting a lot afterwards.

Spend some time talking. Go over what you loved about the phone sex, what you want to try next time, and rehash all the fun little details (“I can’t believe I came that quickly!”)

Or just talk about whatever. Say sweet little things to each other. Be silly or joke around for a little while.

Aftercare matters even when you’re just jerking and jilling off over the phone. You’re both humans with needs, and that doesn’t change just because there’s no proximity.

In fact, you might need aftercare even more because you’re so far apart. When you can’t be together, you need things that help you feel closer. But rushing through the aftercare will make you feel more distant and lonely.

Call Them Up

If you’ve never had phone sex, you might not realize how much fun it can be.

Don’t stick to being flirty over text or sending nudes. Those are great, but if that’s all you’re getting, you’ll be coming out of this social distancing feeling pent up and frustrated.

These days, most of us are masturbating more than we normally do. But you don’t have to do it alone. Call up your partner or your flirty friend and get off to the sound of their voice.

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