How to Get What You Want Without Arguing

Free AI web copilot to create summaries, insights and extended knowledge, download it at here

2176

Abstract

nd an equilibrium between establishing your needs and respecting the boundaries of the other person.</p><p id="fd90">R – Reinforce: Check a second time with the other person that they understand exactly <i>why </i>they should acknowledge your request. Now would also be a good time to remind the other person of the potential positive outcomes that would come if they accepted your request. Be careful not to sound coercive. Make sure your request is 1. Reasonable and 2. Polite.</p><p id="b650">M – Stay mindful. When we want something, we tend to forget how the other person feels. Don’t allow yourself to get carried away with intense thoughts and emotions. Both of your feelings are just as valid as each other. On the other hand, if the other person becomes defensive or hostile, try to be the bigger person and don’t divert course from your wants and needs. By responding to hostility, you can almost guarantee that you will <i>not </i>Get what you want.</p><p id="1230">A – Appear confident: If you aren’t confident in yourself. Who will be? Use visualisation skills to picture yourself after the conversation, where things have gone well because you have followed the DEAR MAN skill. Be kind to yourself. You know you don’t look after yourself enough. Take that shower that you’ve been putting off, and have a shave and a haircut. Keep the positivity flowing through your body. You are one. You are whole. You are special.</p><p id="3895">N – Negotiate: Now is the time to meet the other person halfway. Let’s face it, there is no <i>real</i> way to get <i>everything </i>you want. But you’ve done pretty well so far! Now remember, the single biggest part of negotiations is making sure that both sides are heard. You wouldn’t expect a judge to sign a contract on a life sentence without at least reading the fine print once.</p><figure id="742d"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*[email protected]"><figcaption>Photo by Jared Rice on Unsplash</figcaption></figure><p id="d034">It can feel nigh on impossible to stand up for ourselves sometimes. At the end of the day, somebody can’t be 100% happy. However, by using the DE

Options

AR MAN skill, I hope you feel more comfortable approaching conflict after reading my article and <i>check out my profile for more posts similar to this. </i>Be kind to yourself.</p><div id="5fb2" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/my-suicide-attempt-the-first-step-b5728ceac6fc"> <div> <div> <h2>My suicide attempt: The First Step</h2> <div><h3>Photo by Stormseeker on Unsplash</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*[email protected])"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="d324" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-to-set-goals-and-hit-them-7f5bbd5eab39"> <div> <div> <h2>How To Set Goals and Hit Them</h2> <div><h3>Regardless of the stage of life you are in, goals (big and small) can unlock the key to a more fulfilling lifestyle. However, setting…</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*[email protected])"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="8622" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-to-protect-and-clean-your-self-harm-wounds-7ce1b6e38b3c"> <div> <div> <h2>How to Protect and Clean Your Self-Harm Wounds</h2> <div><h3>First of all I must clearly state that I do not recommend self-harm to anybody and I will strongly urge anybody with those thoughts to…</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*[email protected])"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

DEAR MAN

Photo by Javardh on Unsplash

Now, you may be clicking on this post and thinking, “What is this young man going on about?” and you would be valid to think that way. But stick with me. What if I told you there was a way to get what you want (within reason) and you don’t even need to raise your voice?

“What on earth is DEAR MAN?”

DEAR MAN is a skill used in DBT (Dialectical Behavioural Therapy) to help people who struggle to get their point across. I’m sure as you are reading this, you can think of at least one person who you struggle to communicate with. You may feel like they talk over you, that you don’t appreciate their tone of voice, mannerisms, etc. Come with me as we learn how to get what we want out of our relationships in a reliable and healthy manner.

Photo by Deniz Altindas on Unsplash

DEAR MAN

D – Describe: Make sure to be specific in your language, use specific terminology to describe to the other person what you want, and remember to explain yourself through your language as clearly as possible. If you have to, practice the conversation with yourself before you have the conversation. Practice being precise in your wishes so you can provide clarity and respond to any questions the other person may have in response to your wants and needs.

E – Express: If you feel passionate about this, don’t hold back! Now is the time to express your emotions, be aware of your facial expressions, mindful of your tone of voice, and make sure to use gestures in order for the other person to clearly understand your desires.

A – Assert: Stay away from becoming passive-aggressive. Make sure that you are trying to find an equilibrium between establishing your needs and respecting the boundaries of the other person.

R – Reinforce: Check a second time with the other person that they understand exactly why they should acknowledge your request. Now would also be a good time to remind the other person of the potential positive outcomes that would come if they accepted your request. Be careful not to sound coercive. Make sure your request is 1. Reasonable and 2. Polite.

M – Stay mindful. When we want something, we tend to forget how the other person feels. Don’t allow yourself to get carried away with intense thoughts and emotions. Both of your feelings are just as valid as each other. On the other hand, if the other person becomes defensive or hostile, try to be the bigger person and don’t divert course from your wants and needs. By responding to hostility, you can almost guarantee that you will not Get what you want.

A – Appear confident: If you aren’t confident in yourself. Who will be? Use visualisation skills to picture yourself after the conversation, where things have gone well because you have followed the DEAR MAN skill. Be kind to yourself. You know you don’t look after yourself enough. Take that shower that you’ve been putting off, and have a shave and a haircut. Keep the positivity flowing through your body. You are one. You are whole. You are special.

N – Negotiate: Now is the time to meet the other person halfway. Let’s face it, there is no real way to get everything you want. But you’ve done pretty well so far! Now remember, the single biggest part of negotiations is making sure that both sides are heard. You wouldn’t expect a judge to sign a contract on a life sentence without at least reading the fine print once.

Photo by Jared Rice on Unsplash

It can feel nigh on impossible to stand up for ourselves sometimes. At the end of the day, somebody can’t be 100% happy. However, by using the DEAR MAN skill, I hope you feel more comfortable approaching conflict after reading my article and check out my profile for more posts similar to this. Be kind to yourself.