THE SECRETS OF WRITING ON MEDIUM, PART 14

How to Get Showered with [Fill in the Blank] as a Writer on Medium!

Why waste time mastering your writing skills when you have this easy-to-use guide, chock-full of boilerplate text?

As we all hunker down in our sanitized bunkers, it’s time to devote yourself to full-time writing success!

Folks, you know as well as I do that it takes years to develop your craft as a writer. With the end of the world approaching, who has time for all that?

Nothing is more annoying than being self-quarantined and pondering the end as this unstoppable pandemic sweeps over the country.

But nothing can pick up your spirits like an inspirational post from your favorite content marketer or a caring email notification from all those companies who are scared to death you will realize you don’t need their product or service after the lockdown is over.

The other day, I read an article that trumpeted the secret of how to become the best writer on Medium — based on how much money you earn, the only metric in the universe that can measure if your writing, and, by extension, your life, is worth anything.

Here’s the big secret that totally blew my mind:

Since headlines determine more than half the battle of getting people to read your story, you should spend half your time thinking of a clickbait title.

The author explained that after analyzing winning headlines from top Medium stories, there are a limited number of popular topics.

The approach was to use a few combinations to create clickbait headlines:

Category 3 + Category 4 + Category 8 => Headline 1 (rank #14)

Category 1 + Category 9 => Headline 2 (rank #4).

Now since the writer seemed sincere this had to be a serious article, right?

But it did raise a small question in my mind.

If you spend half your time creating the perfect headline, and half your time promoting your work — as advocated by many successful authors and writing coaches — where do you find time for the third half, where you actually write something?

Hey, nobody said we writers were that good at math.

Don’t worry, I’ve got the solution for you!!

Because I’m a caring member of the community, the designer in me asked “why can’t we use this formula to build a template for an entire article?”

Think about it and get your calculator app ready, cuz this shizznit gets complicated.

If you spend half the time spending half your time on writing the headline, and another half the time spending the other half of your time on writing the article, that’s a 50% savings in time.

This should allow you to exponentially increase the number of times you can refresh your Medium Partner Program earnings, so you can watch the money flow like a golden river to fill up the infinite emptiness in your soul.

And what could be better than that, right?

Are you ready? Let’s have some fun becoming the best writer on Medium!

All you need to do is remove my explanations, (shown in the brackets), and fill in the blanks, just like a Mad Lib.

Here’s one of my clickbait headline templates:

(Choose from one of the five W’s or one H) (subject) (verb) (article) (object), (modifier).

Now, I’ll fill it in to show you how easy this is.

How Brad Pitt ditched the chicken suit, Coca Cola.

(Note: if I chose one of the W’s, the verb might require a modifier such as “did.”)

Wasn’t that easy?

[Main subhead — a universal equation to hook the reader]

(__________________) + (________________) = (________________)

[First paragraph, an attention-grabbing question that sets up your intro.]

I’m often asked by ________ “can you _______ a _______ and sell _______ to _______?”

Well, I’m _______, a _______ who _______, so that’s what we’re going to find out!

[Second paragraph, set up your story’s premise. Make it personal, because you believe this with your heart and soul!]

You see, I believe_______ to _______.

_______, when we_______, no matter how _______they _______.

That’s why _________________________________!

[Third paragraph to establish how you’ve suffered, just like your readers]

I want to __________, because I’m ___________.

My _______ is _______, and my _______ is _______.

I know how it feels to _______, because I _______ and _______.

I’m not ashamed to say I even _______ a _______.

I’ve been a _______ my entire life.

I used to say _______, but now I say _______.

And you can too.

[First big statement. Say the exact opposite of what you said in the previous paragraph. You can even throw in an insult. It gets readers’ adrenaline pumping, then you calm them down just before they close your story and vow to never read your shit again. Live dangerously — the reader will feel it when you fly too close to the flame and almost burn.]

Don’t be a _______, you _______.

That’s what they want you to do.

[Fourth paragraph to establish how you overcame whatever random problem you want to talk about that will prove to your readers, for some totally inexplicable reason, that they can, too. After all, they’re not as smart, talented, good looking, rich, or well connected as you, but you don’t care, as long as they keep reading. Because your audience will eventually subscribe to your newsletter, buy your books, attend your seminars, and buy your merch.]

Here’s the thing. The most __________________ about ___________________ is _________________ who have told me _____________. This is why I want to ___________________________ and ________________________. I want to help _________________ as possible _______________ the _______________ you were meant to _____________.

[Magnificent quote to blow your readers away here! Notice how many times they will highlight this.]

(Insert TRIUMPHANT QUOTE here) — (Someone famous, preferably a tech bro-entrepreneur-startup billionaire, or just a regular guy like Shakespeare, Hemingway, or one of those other writer dudes)

[First of _____ number of paragraphs to justify and substantiate your premise. Repeat and fill in as much as needed.]

I’ll never forget the day when ____________ was _____________ with me at _____________________.

(He/she) ________________, then looked me in the eye and said ________________________.

Well, if I could _____________, why can’t you __________________?

Think about it.

__________ a ________ is no different from ________ a ____________.

It’s as simple as __________________________.

[Significant quote from you, taken from within the body of the story. This shocking statement will keep readers awake.]

_________________ your _____________ and __________________ it… to the ENTIRE F*CKING WORLD!!!!

[First of _____ number of paragraphs to show you overcame __________, giving readers the hope that they can, too. Repeat and fill in as much as needed.]

Here’s how I _________________ that ____________ and ________________ it like it was a mother f*cking ______________________.

And don’t let anyone tell you _______________________.

I’ve heard the word no, all my life.

No means __________________, but it doesn’t mean ________________.

When they say ______________, you say _______________.

When they say __________________, you say __________________.

And when they say _______________, you say ____________________.

Say it with fire.

Now stand up and say it again louder.

Open your window and shout it… to the ENTIRE F*CKING WORLD!!!!

[Quiet time. Let that profound sh*t you are laying down breathe a little, so it can seep into your readers. They will thank you for the rest, because your wisdom is blowing a hole the size a Cooper Mini in their minds.]

[Mind blowing picture or video goes here. After the requisite number of ooohs and aaahs, you readers will be ready for the big finale.]

[Conclusion. You have pulled it all together, going from the general down to the very very personal and specific and back out to infinity.]

Showing your _________________ is better than ___________________.

Every day, ______________ becomes more ________________ and you will need to ______________ the _____________ in order to________________.

For all the ______________ and ___________ in the world, _____________ is the ________________ that will let you ________________ the ___________ and prove _______________.

Never has it been easier to ________________ so many ______________ with your _____________________.

You might think _________________, but don’t.

______________ is more ____________.

It _______________.

It _______________.

It even __________________.

And so can you.

[These are universal lessons for the reader to take with them and apply for the rest of their lives… until you publish your next post tomorrow.]

[Call to action here, just change the links after you read ALL of them. The lesson here is to leave Easter Eggs for your readers in many places. It will make them read everything you write that much more carefully, like they’re Pavlovian Easter Rabbits.]

Check out my other work here. You’ll want to subscribe to my email newsletter for critical updates and bonus content here, my online webinar here, the seminar coming to your town soon here, and the series of books I’ve written here, here, here and here.