PSYCHOLOGY
How to Embody and Portray More Confidence
Pro Tip: Maximize the space between your earlobe and the top of your shoulder
“Believe in your infinite potential. Your only limitations are those you set upon yourself.” ― Roy T. Bennett
The level of confidence I have reached at this point in my life has not always been there. It took me many years to get where I am now and I am constantly improving in this area of my life. Precisely because of that I now feel like I can better help my clients who struggle with their confidence levels and self-worth. Because I know what it means to have to learn certain skills to boost your confidence. And more so, I know it’s doable.
For the longest time, I have thought that confidence is something innate that people are born with. But about ten years ago I realized that was not the case. Yes, it might come easier to people who are more naturally extraverted, but that doesn’t mean that with a little practice, you can’t do it as well.
For me, becoming more confident isn’t necessarily about gaining more opportunities, but also about the way I feel about myself which is reflected out into the world. It’s about the way I perceive myself, a feeling of expansion in my own body which I subconsciously project on the outside. When I feel good about myself and in my own skin, challenges are much easier to handle, days become brighter and more enjoyable. I am in a relaxed and receiving state.
I believe the mindset plays a huge role in developing and embodying a more confident persona. Self-care, self-compassion, setting healthy boundaries, healing your inner child, all lead to a change in perception you have of yourself. People will be able to see that about you and your relationships will definitely improve as well.
Apart from inner work, the non-verbal cues you send out into the world can definitely help you as well. Did you know that non-verbal communication makes up approximately 60% of the overall communication?
That being said, how do you use non-verbal cues to embody and portray more confidence?
Easy. By getting bigger in your body. By taking up more space.
A research conducted by the University of British Columbia titled “The spontaneous expression of pride and shame: Evidence for biologically innate nonverbal displays” whose participants were sighted, blind, and congenitally blind (blind since birth) athletes and partook in various events of the Olympic and Paralympic Games showed that expressions of pride (when an athlete won an event) and defeat (when an athlete lost an event) were the same across all three groups.
We innately get bigger in our bodies when we feel prideful, but get smaller in our bodies when we feel defeated or ashamed.
I personally learned that a few years ago whilst first starting my yoga journey when I felt how my muscles were elongating during stretching time and how I felt much better in my own body by taking more space on my yoga mat and then into the world.
4 Practical Tips on How to Embody and Portray More Confidence:
1. Maximize the space between your earlobe and the top of your shoulder
Make sure that when you talk to someone, you keep your shoulders relaxed, your neck long and your jaw relaxed. According to Vanessa Van Edwards, if you maximize the space between your earlobe and the top of your shoulder, you will create more space and opening and thus appear and feel more confident.
Confident people exude power and relaxation.
2. Make eye contact
Make sure to look people in the eye as you are speaking AND as they are speaking. Don’t glance at your phone or around the room whilst someone is engaged in a conversation with you.
It can be quite uncomfortable and even intimidating to look someone in the eyes but with time, it will become a natural thing.
3. Take up space
Do you remember Wonder Woman? Her pose as a warrior always exudes strength and confidence.
Stand up feet slightly apart, hands on your hips. Yes, that’s it. It really is that simple. Make space between your arms and your body.
According to Dr. Amy Cuddy, apparently, your testosterone levels will INCREASE on average by 20% male or female — which means you will be more assertive and ready to take action.
And your cortisol — your stress hormone DECREASES on average by 15% — making you able to cope more.
Just by standing in this pose for a minute or two at a time.
4. Use fronting when talking to someone
Fronting is when you aim your torso and toes toward the person you are speaking with. When you do this, you look incredibly focused, confident, put together, and charismatic.
It is a sign of respect and you show your interlocutor you are interested in what they have to say and that they have your full attention.
“I believe people skills are the missing ingredient to your success. When you know how to pitch yourself, make memorable conversation and build relationships everything becomes easier.”
Vanessa Van Edwards
You can also pump yourself up by listening to a motivational speech, music, a podcast, an audiobook, or by reading something inspirational or even a book.
One of my favorite books on developing my confidence has been Captivate by Vanessa Van Edwards.
And whenever I feel like doing some cleaning or I am on the go and need a confidence boost, I pump myself up by listening to The Confidence Podcast by Trish Blackwell.
Final thoughts
- Working on your mindset is crucial if you want to embody and portray more confidence.
- After doing so and incorporating more self-love in your life, you can start working on your body language to become aware of the cues you actually send out to others.
- 4 easy tips to do so:
a. Maximize the space between your earlobe and the top of your shoulder
b. Make eye contact
c. Take up space
d. Use fronting when talking to someone
4. Pump yourself up by watching or listening to something motivational or by reading a book.
Let me know if you have any other tips on confidence and if you have any books, podcasts, or songs you listen to to increase your confidence levels.
Thank you very much for reading! I appreciate you!
If you enjoyed reading this article, you might also want to read:
I would like to give a shoutout to the wonderful, amazing, and beautiful editor of the brilliant publication Clear Yo Mind, Elizabeth Kasujja- whom I also see as a mentor and to whom I am very grateful for all the tips she has given me along my journey as a writer on Medium; for the incredible article, she wrote, titled 5 Unexpected Ways You Can Build Your Confidence in which she masterfully talks about 5 practical tips to help you increase your confidence levels. I highly recommend you to read her article, you can find it here:
I would also like to give a shoutout to the amazing and talented author, Victoria Valentine for a brilliantly well-written article titled 7 Effective Nonverbal Strategies That Will Positively Change How People Look at You which inspired me to finish this article that had been sitting in my drafts for a while. You can find Victoria’s great and very useful article here:
