How to Deal with Emotions?
If you feel like having issues with them, this is for you
Emotions are a big part of my life. Ever since I was a kid it was hard for me to control them. I don’t mean bad ones only. I’m a sensible person. It’s easy for me to feel moved when watching movies, or listening to music that reminds me of something I feel emotional about.
But there are some bad ones to deal with too. Like anger, somewhere deep down. I can feel it sometimes and it costs me a lot to keep it there. I can become angry by something so stupid like a video game, or when my MacBook crushed over some program. When I accidentally cut my finger or drop a cup with coffee.
I’m an introvert you know. Emotions are my package to deal with in life and I don’t like sharing them. And I know I have got issues with them, but who doesn’t? Thing is to find a solution to get rid of them if there is too much.
Od course seeing a therapist is cool, I mean if you have money and it’s helping you, that’s cool. But what if you don’t? What if you don’t like sharing with strangers, even under oath of physician-patient privilege?
Remember, I am not a psychiatrist. But I can tell you how I got rid of anger, hatred, nostalgia, depression, and other emotions that have been affecting my life in a bad way.
Name your emotions
According to Alan S. Cowen and Dacher Keltner from the University of California, there are 27 types of emotions. I like to treat the subject more simple. Let’s divide emotions into 5 categories: enjoyment, fear, anger, sadness, disgust.
People generally like to feel calm, happy, and good. And that is enjoyment. We feel it when we are with people we care about when we feel safe, relaxed. In other words, enjoyment means happiness, joy, love, relief, peace, compassion.
But it is impossible to feel happy all the time, isn’t it? Sometimes we are sad. And sad means loneliness, heartbroken, hopelessness, miserable, troubled, lost, or simply unhappy.
In response to a thread, fear comes around. Depends on the thread itself fear could be shaped in a different form. Fear is a primal feeling, there is no way of erasing that emotion from memory. It comes when we are worried, anxious, terrified, horrified, stressed, confused.
Next is anger. It comes when we feel unfair, experience some type of injustice. In other ways when we feel annoyed, irritated, cheated, insulted, or vengeful.
You typically experience disgust as a reaction to unpleasant or unwanted situations. Like anger, feelings of disgust can help to protect from things you want to avoid. You might feel dislike, disturbed, disapproving, offended, or uncomfortable.
Find the opposite emotion and examine it
For one week, write down every emotion you will be feeling at the moment. You can use those 5 categories we just named.
When your friend will set you up and you’re sad because you have waited a long time to see him, write down sadness. Or when you fail a test and you feel angry for yourself for not putting more effort into your studying.
When your list is ready, it’s time to find solutions to deal with them. Starting with enjoyment. If you can’t feel the full joy you should, try to examine what stands in your way. Are you worry about something? Are you stressed? Anxious? What is it? Try to analyze what blocks the trigger to feel full happiness.
Let’s think about sadness. How can we deal with it? Usually, there are three activities that might help you with that. Reaching for support for example. Talk to people close to you, friends, family. You can reach a specialist too, but like I said it’s not for everyone.
The next way to deal with sadness is by letting yourself mourn. Whether you’re trying to recover from a loss, breakup, change, or failure to achieve a goal, acknowledging your loss can help you accept and work through it. Remember, everyone grieves is another way, you must find the one that suits you best.
Helping somebody could defeat your sadness too. Doing something meaningful by supporting another person keeps your attention away from your problems, focusing on how to help the other person. Christmas coming, try it.
Fear is a totally normal emotion. And primal, like I said. Fear could motivate but also paralyze us. Psychologists are saying that the best way to defeat fear is to confront it. That’s why they advise people afraid of snakes or spiders to slowly getting used to them, for example in the zoo or by children’s toys.
You can also distract yourself from fear. Listen to a podcast, or go for a run. But it’s not fighting, it’s escaping. And you are a fighter.
I heard recently about other methods to fight fear and it’s called thinking. Think about what could possibly happen to you. Okay, that wasp b*tch can sting, so what? It’s not like she’s going to kill you. Of course, it can somehow if you swallow her and she stinks your throat, and you’re allergic but come on, let’s say you won’t be that unlucky.
There are a lot of ways to deal with anger, many of which can cause problems for you and those around you. You can read about it everywhere. For me? It’s the gym. Whenever I feel the anger I do 300 kcal training. And when I’m too tired to stand from the mat I’m calm as a lamb. Try it, also at home using training apps like Adidas training.
Disgust can happen as a natural response to something you dislike. Well, it sucks because if you hate chicken soup it’s kinda hard to tell it to your girlfriend’s mum. So, what do we do then?
There is some reverse psychological thing to practice compassion. Not everyone likes being around old people. My idea is, try to help your grandparents once a month, then once a week. See if it work for you to see other elderly people with less disgust.
It’s kinda similar to dealing with fear, you need to confront it. Slowly get used to something and notice any change in your behavior. It’s a hard process and I don’t want you to love chicken soup from now on, but maybe eating it will cause you fewer emotions.
It’s okay you are failing
Emotions are complicated and it’s impossible to talk about all of them in one, short article. It is fine if you feel them and fails to control them. We are only humans, after all. Controlling emotions is a process, like building your life using simple habits to make it better.
I just want you to try the way to name your emotions, learn what’s causing them, and how to deal with them in a way that suits you best.