How to Build an Unbreakable Bond with Yourself

The #1 threat to having a fulfilling life is fear of loneliness.

You wake up in the morning. Grab your phone. Scroll down; no texts or phone calls from the person who once occupied your heart. You get depression. Snuggle up in your duvet, and wish you never woke up to the emptiness you feel.

You are in a relationship where your boundaries are constantly infringed. You want to get out. You know you should. Instead of getting out, you settle.

You push your needs aside to please others. You talk yourself into believing that connecting with others is what makes you happy. You worry about others more than yourself.

You do everything you can to save other people. You make sure everybody around is ok. Like it’s your responsibility to carry everyone’s baggage. Why?

Why are we so afraid of loneliness? Why do we fight to keep things that aren’t right for us?

One of the problems holding us back from living the life that we deserve is the fear of being alone.

A friend of mine confided in me about her four-year-old marriage. Her husband stays in South Africa but doesn’t send a dime home.

He hardly calls unless she does. Most times, their call will end with an argument, and she will be the one to apologize before they make up. When he visits home, he spends most of his time in the hotel she pays for. Her 3-year-old son doesn’t know what it feels like to have a dad.

She’s lucky her family is well off. They gave her an apartment and set her up with a business. Sometimes her mother-in-law comes asking for money. She’s doing well financially, but mentally she’s a mess.

When I asked her why she chose to stay in that marriage, seeing how depressed she was, her reply was, “What will I do if I leave my husband?”

I don’t know what’s worse, that she’s married to an ass who cares less about her or that she’s too weak to see she’s losing her values in that marriage.

Most people are holding on to a broken relationship for fear of being alone. We fear that we may end up not meeting someone who will love us if we quit the current relationship.

Loneliness is a subjective feeling determined by the amount and type of connection you need in your life. If there is one good thing I learned from Covid-19, it will be getting comfortable with spending time alone.

Still, in the midst of a global crisis, the fear of being alone can feel especially real. Humans crave closeness — we’re tribal beings. We like to connect with others. This mindset encouraged us to seek comfort and protection in the arms of others.

According to a 2017 study, 42% of millennial women are more afraid of loneliness than a cancer diagnosis. Another study shows that chronic loneliness can have the health effects of smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Based on these facts, one may worry if loneliness is actually a good thing.

Well, I will tell you what’s not good, clinging on people. The problem with depending on someone for your happiness is that you will always be afraid of being by yourself.

If your life revolves around others, you lose your self-worth. You end up seeking other people’s approval to justify your actions.

Because your identity is wrapped around people, you attract manipulators, narcissists, and other energy vampires who like to suck out life from you. They will become entitled, expecting you to give and give until you have nothing more to offer. At some point you will crash.

How to love yourself and enjoy your own company

Despite our excessive use of social media, TV shows, and self-help books that distracts our attention from reality, we still allow that fear of being alone to creep in.

Harboring such fear can keep you from succeeding in many professions, as you may have to work alone to perform well or make progress. Your fear can also keep you from doing the things you want to just because you’re doing them alone.

In romantic relationships, you can compromise and settle for someone who mistreats you because you’d rather be with them than be alone.

Most importantly, it jeopardizes your relationship with yourself. You start letting negative thoughts about yourself pile up in your head.

If you are currently alone or afraid of ending up alone forever, here are some steps to help you overcome your fears and get comfortable in your own company.

Stop living in someone else’s world

When the basics of our inner work and lifestyle change, we can take a closer look at our conception of ​​a relationship.

Some people feel like they are living someone else’s life. You think that your decision to marry and start a family was from pressure by society.

Now that you live alone and spend a lot of time by yourself, you may want to reflect on what motivates you in a relationship.

Therefore, when you’re rebuilding your life after a divorce or breakup, you should never criticize or punish yourself. Instead, worship yourself.

Get to know yourself better and be kind to yourself. To help you accept yourself, compliment yourself, and acknowledge the things you’ve accomplished.

Praise yourself on little things like brewing your coffee, taking out your trash, or picking out your outfit. The point is to saturate your consciousness with a positive attitude towards yourself.

Respect your gut instinct

If you’re used to getting people’s approval, it’s hard to trust your instincts without getting a second opinion.

Therefore, to overcome the fear of being alone, you must work on the most important relationship you will have in your life: the relationship you have with yourself.

You know that feeling in your stomach that makes you think twice before making a decision? Those are your instincts.

You can often feel exactly what your instincts are. In some situations, there is obvious fear or suspicion. Sometimes you may be confused about what your best option is.

Your instincts are like a red flag warning or a green light that gives you the green light to make the decision you are considering because you trust yourself to know what’s best for you.

You learn to accept people when they show you who they really are. But at the same time, remember that you can’t change them.

Stick with who you are and be willing to really listen to your instincts without relying solely on the story from your past you tell yourself.

Honor your divine body

Even if you believe the romantic myth that you only become whole in a relationship with your soulmate, being single is a great time to develop a deeper and more meaningful relationship with yourself.

Human beings are mentally and neurologically programmed to maintain homeostasis, a state of balance. For this reason, it is very difficult to change your habits, replace new diets or exercises.

Exercise is a great way to energize your body and distract your mind from the delicate subject of abandonment and loneliness. All these movements distract you from your negative thoughts and also release hormones that improve your mood and make you feel good. The more you workout, the happier you will be.

Get comfortable with loneliness

Ignoring your fear is quite dangerous because then you are more likely to sabotage yourself and engage in unhealthy behaviors like clinging to someone you recently started dating.

Confront your fear by answering some tough questions like, “Does my fear indicate that I’m not good enough to attract someone?” “Am I afraid of choosing the wrong person?” “Am I afraid of getting hurt if I trust someone?”

Distraction can be another good coping strategy. Take the time to do the things you personally enjoy, especially things you can do alone.

You can also try meditation and/or yoga to learn some ways to stay calm when you’re afraid. Practice being alone for 15 minutes every day.

Do this every day for a week, then increase the goal to 30 minutes. Gradually increase the time each week. Showing yourself that you can be alone should help you overcome your fear.

Trust anxiety as an identity dictator

If you are worried about becoming an old hag or a helpless old man who dies alone and no one cares. I can bet that this fear is not directly related to your idea of love or relationships. It’s more about family and connecting with the people around you.

Ask yourself, “So what if you die alone?” You have been alone before. Also, you are not alone if you have children and loved ones. But, if you don’t have any family or friends, this is a problem to work on now. You should connect with people instead of looking for romantic connections.

Learning to be alone is an important part of emotional well-being. We must all understand that our true sense of security comes from within.

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