No Excuse for Abuse
How Mothers Harm Their Children to Gain Sympathy for Themselves
Mother’s don’t always know what’s best for the child.
I know single mothers who are emotionally abusive towards their children. Their speciality is to use the children as weapons against the men who have left them. These women manipulate, emotionally blackmail and project their issues onto their children.
Why?
So they can get back at their ex-partner.
Yes, we don’t talk about this — not all women are caring, nurturing and loving mothers.
There is a rare type of narcissistic woman that is ready to portray their children as sick just to stop the contact between the child and the father.
Unfortunately, mothers who fake children’s illnesses are common in our society. It takes a very covert, manipulative and dedicated woman to fake an illness or diagnosis. But it’s not that hard actually nowadays.
So how do they do it?
“My child is feeling an overwhelming anxiety, and I am sure it’s because of her/his father…”
First, this covert narcissistic woman will target the school. She will send systematic, repeated emails to the headteacher and other teachers at the school, claiming that the child suffers severe anxiety. Quite often she will send this email just before the child is scheduled to see the father.
This type of mother will phone in school multiple times a week to keep the school up to date with the children’s emotions. Often she would speak about the ex-partner, she would mention how controlling and abusive the man is. She would even speak about the details of the legal battle, she might even discuss the paternal family or the ex-partner’s new partner.
The more details she gives the school — the more believable the story becomes.
The child will have more absences and the mother would tell the child that it’s okay to stay home because the child is experiencing severe emotional stress. The child would get confused and scared. But the nurturing mother will nurture the child and promise that the stress will go away, “mummy will make sure of it”.
She will find and eliminate the source of the child’s stress:
The present, devoted, loving and caring father.
This way the covert, malicious, narcissistic woman will gain sympathy at school. The teachers will be understanding whenever the child doesn’t handle homework, they will take a special approach towards the child because after all, the child is “vulnerable ”as the mother says and the child will soon become excluded from others.
The child will receive “special treatment ”.
I know too many fathers that have gone through this.
Their children were far from what the mothers portrayed them to be — they had no anxiety issues. They barely understood the meaning of the word “stress ” instead they got severely frustrated when missing school.
It turns out that the real reason why the children missed school and received special treatments were:
- The mother was feeling sick and was unable to take the child to school;
- The mother woke up late and didn’t want to drop the child late to school;
- The mother didn’t assist the child with the homework, so the child was unprepared;
- The mother repeatedly has issues attending to the child so it’s easier to portray the child as someone with special needs rather than assisting them;
- The mother wishes to receive a special diagnosis for the child to put them into a different school which demands less from the child and therefore from the mother;
- The mother wants to portray the father as the source of problems so the teachers don’t question the mother’s integrity.
Don’t get me wrong, there are good mothers and bad mothers. But the fact is that children are more likely to suffer covert emotional abuse at the hands of their mothers. I have seen this happen on more than one occasion.
The problem is that the public schools don’t have the capacity and funds to follow up on red flags.
“I know what will help you, Mummy has the same issues…”
A malicious mother would project her own issues and hostility towards her ex-partner onto the child. This is a typical form of parental alienation. But a truly malicious mother would go a few steps further, she will:
- Medicate the child with painkillers without consulting with the doctor;
- She would make multiple calls to the doctor and exaggerate the child’s symptoms;
- She would use phrases like “I know it’s anxiety” or “I’ve had the same issues when I was her/his age”;
- She would exaggerate the symptoms on various doctors forms claiming that the child’s issues are unmanageable and stop the child from living a fulfilling life;
- She would tell the doctors lies about the ex-partner, exaggerate to the point that the child breaks down in tears whenever the ex-partner is around;
- She would not inform the father of these doctors visits or emails;
- She would withhold the child’s medical record’s from the father but she would share them with teachers;
- She would use her friends who work in the medical industry to make an assessment of the child so it fits her narrative;
- She would not agree for the child to see an independent therapist or psychologist;
- She would make it her agenda to make the child “disabled ”so she can claim benefits and ultimately control the child’s life.
My friend’s toxic ex is doing all in her power to make the child sick. She is adamant that the child will receive a diagnosis. Neither my friend nor school can see the symptoms that the mother allegedly sees on a daily basis.
The child's headbangs, screams, shouts, runs in circles, is uncontrollable and is unable to use cutlery at times — that’s what the mother claims.
I have spent significant time with this child — he is a healthy, creative, perceptive and well-behaved child, when in care of his father.
My friend’s ex is not only a narcissist but she also suffers from a factitious disorder that she imposes on her child.
The factitious disorder imposed on another is when a person lies about a loved one’s health. She falsifies symptoms of her child but she often lies about her own health.
His ex ended up in an emergency room on 6 occasions, every time when he wanted to leave her. Now, when the child is growing up and is realizing how toxic the mother is and wishes to spend more time with the father, the mother is doing the same — to control the child she will make the child sick.
And if that doesn’t work she will tell the child “you are making me sick…you don’t want to kill your Mummy do you?”
When covert narcissists start losing supply and feel that the control that they’ve had on other people weakens, they resort to the most drastic measures.
As a last resort, the ex resorted to faking illnesses to gain care, sympathy and love from the child and others.
If the mother is repeatedly sick the child would feel guilty leaving her side.
They will start a “weakness campaign” complaining about different symptoms such as headache, muscle pain, fever and even psoriasis. Anything that would make the child drop the phone when texting the father to attend to the mum’s needs.
Symptoms would immediately disappear after receiving any form of care or attention from the child. My friend used to fall for these tricks as well a long time ago and often he suggested visiting doctors but any and all suggestions were refused by:
- “Doctors just don’t know what’s wrong with me, babe…”
- “The tests must be wrong, I know I am sick!”
- “Why is this happening to me? Thankfully, I have you to help me!”
When my friend started realizing that the ex is faking it and confronted her, she tried to commit suicide — again. Now his child is suffering at the hands of the narcissistic mother and unfortunately, even after bringing this all to the courts, he was given only shared custody.
The courts prefer mothers over fathers.
His child is now at the hands of an abusive woman and is getting sick every day. My friend’s hands are tied and he can only wish that his child will come to the realization that he has come to. Other things that he can do are:
- Request medical records and contact the doctors letting them know of his suspicion;
- Keep an eye on school absences and keep in touch with teachers;
- Wait, reassure and love his child every single day.
In the past 4 months, the child has been absent from school for 17 days, each time it was because “mummy was feeling under the weather”. These were some of her made-up symptoms:
- Diarrhoea (from all the shit food);
- Unable to get up from bed “due to weakness” (painkillers);
- Back pain (going up and down the stairs too often);
- Vomiting (after drinking a large amount of alcohol);
- Claims to have irritable bowel syndrome;
- Headaches and migraines (especially when the child is talking about the father).
All child abusers are narcissistic. As long as the abuser does not get psychiatric help, the child abuse will continue and the family and the child will suffer. Just last week my friend's child called him to let him know that he is also feeling sick.
“What is it, my dear?”
“I think I have psoriasis…Mummy got me the cream and she says we have the same condition…so I didn’t go to school again.”
“Is the Mummy doctor?”
“No… But she knows best!”
No — not all mothers know what’s best for their children.
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