Bouncin’ and Behavin’ Fuckery

How Listening to Voices and Playing Fictional Characters Transformed My Life

It Ain’t All Work and No Play

Before we begin, let’s make some things clear here. As I mentioned previously, I’m working on a 3-part manuscript. “The Power of the Ellipsis: How Listening to Voices and Playing Fictional Characters Transformed My Life.” Two different genres: Self-improvement-advancement-growth and erotica/sex. I’m not quite sure how this is going to play out but I’m pretty sure that each genre still likes the other’s, too. With that assumption in mind, here we go.

I’m cramming a bunch of info in here so I can get to the fun parts faster. Stay with me.

What’s It About?

Well, the overall book is about Jack and me. We are both middle-aged, he being a decade older than I. We have been married for 13 years. What had begun as the rule-breaking Bonnie and Clyde, adventurous, all-about-one-another couple insanely in love had morphed into two separate individual people.

We had grown apart. Typical story. No novel novel. But there’s an approach I took that led to this amazing transformation, not only saving our marriage, but saving me. And I want to tell the story.

The Dark Before the Light

The first part of the book talks about the hardest thing I’ve ever done. There was nothing fun about it. I was miserable. For many years. He resented me for things I hadn’t done. He accused me of child abuse. Said my expectations were unreasonable. Withheld affection from me. He was reckless with our finances and careless with his own business. Never followed through on things. He forced my hand. Made me out to be the bad guy. Didn’t support me around his kids. I talked, begged, cried, yelled, screamed for him to listen to me! To hear me! To talk to me! I was answered with brooding silence. Or slamming doors, stomping around like a child. This went on for at least half of our marriage.

He was full of advice on how I should raise my child when she needed a father but didn’t take any of his own advice nor my suggestions for his kids who didn’t need a mother. We had resorted to a pillow between us.

I felt dismissed. Disrespected. Ignored. A nuisance. Invisible. Unloved. Hurt. Meaningless. Alone. A ghost in my own home. I had no say in him nor his kids. I was forced to let them walk all over me. Ignore me. And he supported that behavior with some belief that he was doing things right while I was wrong. He made underhanded comments that there was really something more wrong with me than my diagnosed mental illness. There was much more going on. And his unprofessional evaluation recognized the traits. Because he always knew everything. Case studies. YouTube videos.

I was dealing with a teenage girl who is now transitioning to a boy, being bullied, covered in acne, gossiped about, promiscuous, suicidal, cutting herself, starving herself, not following through on school commitments, overdosing on her medications, failing all her classes, admitted for mental health treatment in- and out-patient six times, molested by her older brother, calling the cops and CPS on me.

And he was never there.

There was a massive blowup with his daughter and me over cleaning her room one night that he just allowed to happen. Just watched. Wouldn’t step in. Silent.

I didn’t know it, but she was recording me.

Voices

Suddenly, seeing myself through someone’s else’s eyes changed things. That was probably the pivotal point in this book’s genesis. I gave him my rings and told him if this was how it was going to be, I didn’t want any part of it. I was through. I was answered with silence. No attempt to talk to me about any of it. Merely accepted that if that’s what I wanted, so be it. He wasn’t going to fight it. He had fought so hard to be with me a decade prior, but he wasn’t going to fight to keep me now.

This was my fourth marriage. I had walked out on the other three. I was perfectly capable of doing so again and I was sure as hell hurt and pissed enough.

Why did I stay? Why didn’t I just take my kid and go?

Sometime around 2019, I heard this voice telling me that I had to step up to the plate. Nobody else was. Obviously. Open my mind and consider some things. I had more control than I was giving myself credit for here. To let go of so many things and just listen. Follow the trail. So, I embarked on a quest. I chose to approach life differently. Not only did it save my marriage, but it transformed me.

The first part of the book is about my journey to self-discovery. Listening to these voices that have guided me in the right direction.

I’ve been advised not to give “it all” away. Given that at this point, I’m not even sure what “it all” is, I’m just gonna put “some” of “it” out there and hope to keep you interested.

Related Stories

I ’ve published some supporting articles on the platform that refer to this part of the transformation. I realize it’s probably frowned upon to litter my story here with other stories there, but I’m not sure what other way to fill you in on some important information. You should take a few moments to read through them since I can’t republish them.

Moving On

A s writers, storytellers, our characters are real. Not only do we own them, but we feel for them. We love for them, hate for them, succeed, and fail for them. We live vicariously through them. We can see them in our heads and only hope to be successful in getting those images, emotions, and empathy across to our readers. But have you considered actually bringing them to life? Hmmm.

First, let me make it clear here — I am crazy. (He says I’m his kinda crazy.) Secondly, I‘m pretty fucking hilarious. I keep myself highly entertained.

Part 2 of the book is primarily a transition from tears to a lifetime of sex and laughs. (If I can successfully pull it off.)

After the events that transpired in the first part of the book, changes began to become evident between the two of us. Then, something happened in March 2022.

See the story below for exactly how it happened:

— -> Our Real-Life Live Action Role Play — Time to Reclaim My Kink?

Strategy

I had worn lingerie once in the 12 years we had been married. As most men would, he liked it, but I wasn’t comfortable in it, despite his like for it. 21 months ago, I got an idea. A wonderfully awful idea. What if…?

I don’t like games. I lose at virtually everything, so I choose not to play. Had I been using that same approach with life? He loves games and he will always rise to a challenge. Perhaps we had something in common. Hmmm. I had a strategic advantage over my genius husband.

Our Wicked Games

Thus, a phoenix arose from the ashes, and our own little Wicked Games emerged. When I first stepped out onto the stage, I had no idea what I was doing. Nor did he. No idea what to expect. From him or me. WTH was I doing? Why? Whose idea was this again?? (Read more about that in another story.)

Originally, we thought maybe our scenarios could be used as “templates” for other couples to use to take things up a notch. Given that I’m a pretty vivid storyteller, perhaps some of the scenarios are a little more detailed than the average couple would want. And they go well beyond the cliche roles. Personally, I require a little more out of my fellow player than to merely sit back and enjoy the show. He’s got to work for it.

Summary

Part of this story is work. The other part is fun. We couldn’t have one without the other. And in this book, you are being given permission to mix the two.

That’s where the trail has taken me. I have followed the dot dot. I hope you do, too.

Much, much more to come. Stay with me.

To be continued…

Please read my related articles below (things may make more sense if you do…)

Perpetuity — Breaking the Vicious Cycle of My Insidious Cancer

Loving the Unlovely — Can You Love Someone You Hate? My Own Experiment

When Enough is Enough — How Much More of Her Did She Need to Change to Fix Them?

The Three of Us — Me, Silence, and Him

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I also have a website: www.thepoweroftheellipsis.com