How I Discerned My Mark of Cain

Summary

The website content recounts the author's personal journey of self-discovery and healing, marked by a series of coincidences and revelations that lead to the realization of a childhood trauma.

Abstract

The author shares a deeply personal narrative about how a series of seemingly unrelated events and relationships over a decade culminated in the profound realization of having been molested by his father. This epiphany is described as a convergence of "directional coincidences," including a girlfriend's theory, therapeutic discussions about Hermann Hesse's works, and intuitive connections to past life experiences. The author's exploration of these events is chronicled through several essays and self-portraits, which reflect a soul-searching journey and the eventual acceptance of a painful past. The narrative is punctuated by the author's interpretation of the Mark of Cain, spiritual guidance, and the synchronicity of life events that led to this transformative self-awareness.

Opinions

The author initially dismissed a girlfriend's theory about childhood molestation but later found it to be a significant piece of a larger puzzle.
Therapy and discussions about Hermann Hesse's literature, particularly the book "Demian," provided alternate interpretations of the Mark of Cain and were seen as meaningful arrows pointing towards self-discovery.
The author's delayed loss of virginity and the tragic passing of a lover were considered part of the series of events that led to a soul awakening.
The author entertained the idea of past lives, believing they might have been Hermann Hesse and even Vincent van Gogh, based on the depth of their writing and self-portraits.
Intuition and spiritual guidance, including communications with a spirit guide believed to be the Hindu deity Rama, played a crucial role in the author's realizations.
The author, raised Jewish, identifies as a Syncretist, embracing a blend of religious and spiritual beliefs.
The revelation of childhood trauma was a profound moment of clarity, symbolized by the synchronistic appearance of Hesse-related imagery that mirrored a physical mark on the author's body.

A Lesson in Comprehending Coincidences

Image by Mirage3 licensed from depositphotos.com

This is a story of directional coincidences that I published to my profile page almost 4 months ago.

I had written in an earlier essay:

Which as you will learn in another yet-to-be-streamed essay, was the last of several arrows aimed by The Hunter from various places, times and distances converging on a fixed point in time and space; that being my Heart, barely if at all starting to heal from the loss, now a new and unknown cluster of pain pockets hiding deep within, where only Love should reside.

Here is that full essay:

Orion’s a Great Revelation Tracker:

Arrow 1: From-2010-through-2012-borderline-personality-disorder girlfriend theorized that I had been molested by my father. I had no memory of any such event, nor did I think I was that damaged, so didn’t give it much thought. I do recall once her theory triggering an image in my mind of a dark silhouette standing over my bed.

Arrow 2: in 2013 or so upon discussing with my therapist that Hermann Hesse is my favorite author, he suggested I read Demian. Demian contains the alternate interpretation of the Mark of Cain story.

Arrow 3: in 2017 another damaged girlfriend insists that I should explore with therapy how someone with my looks and endowment did not lose his virginity until the age of 24.

Arrows 4, 5, 6 et seq.: My 2020 self-portrait discusses the tragic passing of my lover and my resultant soul awakening.

I had forgotten about my 2013 portrait and when I shared it again many people remarked that I must have been a writer in a past life as I had no prior writing of such style and depth.

I mistakenly decide it’s very likely that I was Hesse in a prior life, and I start studying his self-portraits (which also lead me to the false belief that if I was Hesse I was also Van Gogh).

In early May I was researching Adam and Eve and came across a YouTube video by Modernplatonist (that’s his Medium name) that discussed the Hesse interpretation of the Mark. As I was watching it, I intuited that I was supposed to find this video and wondered whether I have the Mark.

Then two Hesse images I had been viewing among hundreds popped into my head; one is the iconic image of him on the cover of Der Spiegel giving the world the Middle Finger; the other is the Warhol painting of Hesse blowing a puff of pink cigar smoke. It all clicked in an instant. The pink cigar smoke which resembled a Hindu Deity was the same color and shape as the mark on my middle finger, and the image of the silhouette popped back into my head and I knew I had indeed been molested by my father in some way, shape or form, and I also instantly knew what my lead spirit guide meant when he said he was concerned that I would learn too much too quickly.

Incidentally, it takes the form of an elephant and calls itself Rama (and I firmly believe it to be the Hindu Deity Rama (I was raised Jewish by the way and have discovered I am a Syncretist (a term of which I was not aware until reading another piece by Modernplatonist))). Rama is an avatar of Vishnu; in other words, I speak to God.

Home looks synchronously very different from “Kansas”

How I Discerned My Mark of Cain

A Lesson in Comprehending Coincidences

I Have the Mark of Cain

How deep is the Fisher-King wound? Not so deep that it cannot be transcend and repurposed.

Self Portrait 2020

Supersonic transport to self.

Self Portrait Essay (circa 12/2013)

With 12/7/20 Writer’s Note

Why You Should Always Listen to Your Incomplete Intuitions

They can turn out to be the most valuable intuitions of all