STRATEGIES TO QUIT
How Can You Stay In the 20%?
80% of alcoholics relapse within 2 years
Even in recovery, addiction is a darkness that is always a part of you. Its sole purpose is destruction. Whatever that darkness is and wherever it comes from, it can never be removed, you can only learn to manage it to reduce the chance of relapse.
Relapse pops up everywhere. According to research, 80% of alcoholics relapse within 2 years. Celebrities relapse and die with an alarming frequency. Amy Winehouse, Peaches Geldof, Philip Seymour Hoffman.
In rehab, we were told that every week they received a call from the family of a previous attendee who died following a relapse. Every week.
Call me dumb but I hadn’t realized until that point how many of us would relapse. I thought that we were forever fixed, that rehab was some kind of magic fairy dust.
I remember being at a karaoke party in rehab and looking around the room at all these happy, gorgeous, smiling people and considering the fact some of us will relapse and die. It seemed impossible.
Since that point around 50% of those at that party have indeed relapsed.
There is no pattern or obvious reason that sets apart those that have relapsed. The majority had good support networks made up of friends and family who loved them. They opened up in group shares and seemed to recognize the reasons for their addiction.
The high potential for relapse is something every addict is aware of. The possibility, like a black shadow, hangs over you. At the beginning of sobriety, there’s a fear that if you relax then you could relapse.
Then with time, you become happier in your own skin and more confident of the new sober you. However, there is of course always a risk of relapse.
Like everything in life, there is no magic solution. There is also no one-size suits-all fix for preventing relapse.
But there are steps you can take to protect and prepare yourself. At rehab, we had to prepare a relapse prevention plan, and I recommend that everyone should create one. Here’s how we did it:
Know your external triggers
There will be situations, people, and things that can trigger a desire to drink. Of course, they can and do change depending on life circumstances, so the list is never completed.
I now know from having several sober Christmasses that the festive season is a trigger for me, as is flying.
Music is another significant trigger for me. For my first year of sobriety, there were many songs I just could not listen to, without a wave of emotion and desire to pick up.
Work out your own unique triggers and be honest with yourself. If you don’t want to accept that a trigger is a trigger, ask yourself why you are holding on to something that can encourage you to drink.
Know your internal triggers
There will be memories, emotions, and feelings, unique to you that can trigger a desire to drink. Sometimes they are triggered by external stimuli, sometimes not.
If I’m romanticizing past relationships and thinking about what could have been or creating excuses for people who were abusive then this is a warning sign. Getting myself into these situations has in the past being a significant trigger for abusing alcohol.
In doing so, I’m denying the reality of relationships that hurt me and not being honest with myself. This means I am not recognizing my own value and putting my ability to be authentic at risk. This has to be explored before it becomes dangerous.
Ultimately for me, this can lead to relapse and suicidal feelings. I don't want this to get to that point. This is why some awareness of my negative behavioral traits, and there are many, is super important to protect me from future pain.
Write down your feelings or memories you have that you need to know are you moving into the danger zone.
Know your behavioral triggers
It’s relatively easy to admit the internal and external triggers, however, there is a lot more shame attached to owning your behavioral triggers. You need to be really honest with yourself here.
I know behaviors that for me are a sign of relapse. If I’m wanting to control everything or being incredibly perfectionist, with impossibly high standards and no room for compromise, then I become worried. This cannot end well, and when I don’t get what I want is my disappointment going to trigger a relapse?
The same as other triggers, write that s**t down. Knowledge is power.
Have a plan in place for each trigger
Too many triggers can provoke a slip, a relapse, or a near slip.
For example, now I know Christmas is bad, I plan ahead. I try to be with people who aren’t going to be solely focused on drinking. I wouldn’t spend Christmas with my extended family for instance, if I could choose not to. But I would happily spend it with people who are less interested in drinking or doing an activity that would mean the holiday would not revolve around drinking.
The point here is to protect yourself. Plan ahead and find anything you can do to minimize the trigger and what actions to take if the trigger does happen. Obviously, I can’t cancel Christmas, but I minimize the potential for it to be triggering by reducing stress, reducing contact with people drinking, and reducing contact with anyone who I know triggers me.
A slip, a near slip, or a relapse?
Liam Sturt recently wrote about a situation where he drank a sip of alcohol. For him that was not a relapse, for some, it would be. However you choose to classify this kind of situation, what’s important is the action you take in the aftermath.
How do you learn from this to make sure it doesn’t happen again?
Why did it happen?
For me, a slip, a near slip, or a relapse is the same. It’s about intent. You need to play detective. What was it that caused you to nearly drink? Was it an internal, external or a behavioral situation?
Most importantly: what can you do to prevent that from happening again?
For example, if this happened at a work party or a Sunday lunch in the pub, then it’s likely that it’s an external trigger. There may be some other behaviors and emotions mixed up in there. But the obvious solution is to initially avoid that environment.
Perhaps you feel like drinking when you have stressful conversations with your partner about finances. This is a situation you can’t avoid as easily, but what can you do to make the situation easier?
If you don’t take any action or purposefully ignore a slip or a near slip, it could become a full and deadly relapse.
A slip, a relapse, or a near miss is a gift, it allows you to see where the holes are in your current strategy to manage recovery.
Have someone you can talk to
I can’t count the number of times I have nearly relapsed. I don’t tell people who will worry, like my mum for instance. I have friends who will listen without judgment and give me the space to share.
it’s important to share the situation with someone or at the very least write it in your journal. This will help you explore it. Another person may be able to shed light or offer a different perspective, you likely have a blind spot on your perspective of the situation.
Plan the aftermath of your relapse or slip before it happens
Play the tape through. You go crazy, it’s horrible, you want it to be over, you wake up, you are sick with anxiety. Who do you call? How do you make it through that day and then the next day?
Relapse isn’t the end of the world. But you need to have a plan in place if it happens. Your actions on the day of the relapse and the days following it can save your life and prevent it becoming a serious relapse, one that is more than a slip.
By planning relapse and developing some self-awareness of your unique behaviors that can lead to it, you can protect yourself. Knowledge is power and preparing for relapse can save your life. Stay in the 20%.
Doran Lamb is a freelance writer on addiction and mental health. She writes to challenge the stigma that exists as a result of mental health and through her writing wants the world to know that individual difference makes the world dynamic, sexy and beautiful. She is proudly an addict in recovery, a mother, and an opinionated woman, who has learned not to give a f**k what anyone thinks.
If you liked this, here are some other articles I have written about alcohol and drinking culture:
· Clean Drinking: Why Alcohol Advertising Directed at Millennials Is More Dangerous Than Ever
· Ditching These Top 5 Sobriety Tips Has Been Essential For My Recovery