STRATEGIES TO QUIT

Don’t Let Addiction Whisper These Sweet Nothings In Your Ear: The 11 Lies That Are Stopping You From Living The Sober Life You Deserve

If you're trying to quit but can’t, you’re probably believing one of these lies. Or all of them.

Like most people with an alcohol problem, I had many false starts before I finally quit, a dry January here, a no sugar diet there.

I even did a solid 3 months before slowly reintroducing alcohol into my life. Every time I would be all, ‘I’m just gonna have one drink’, and I might do that night.

But then two nights later, I would be drinking a bottle of wine, then the next night another, and then at some point in the near future would come the blackout.

Then, the oh-so-familiar cycle of shame and drinking began again. It was so familiar to me that I didn’t even know how damaging it was or that other people didn’t go through it.

I honestly thought everyone was the hot mess I was, shaking with fear when someone rang the phone because I’d have to (gasp) speak to someone.

Addiction is incredibly powerful.

As you start your sober journey, you will hear these lies daily. Probably hourly. As you begin to develop your unique recovery toolkit, these lies begin to become less frequent, until you realize you have gone a week without hearing them.

Every time I call bulls**t on these lies is a win for me.

Lie 1: It’s honestly just gonna be 1 glass.

Let’s face it, it’s never just gonna be 1 glass.

I hate all those materials that say all addicts are the same. We aren’t. But in recovery, I’ve found that one thing that the majority of addicts have in common is the ability to overindulge in whatever it is that is our current obsession.

If you’re like me, you don't have hobbies you have obsessions, you eat the whole bag of chips and you walk out of the store with your new yoga pants in all the colors.

There is no stop button, there is no middle ground. We’re always looking for something, anything to make us feel better.

That my friend is why you will never just have 1 drink. 1 is never enough.

Lie 2: People won't like me if I’m sober.

People like me more now I’m sober because I’m not the train wreck I was before. I’m not a liability, vomiting in their car, showing up late or not at all. They can trust me with their kids, their pets and their home.

If your friends don’t like you when you’re sober then it might be time to re-evaluate that friendship. A lot of friends I had when I was a problem drinker become problem friends when I stopped drinking.

They either encouraged me to drink or I found that we were only friends because we drank together. As soon as I stopped, we lost that shared activity and unless they started to hang out with me doing another non-drinking activity, the friendship wilted and eventually died.

Plus there's only so long you can listen to hilarious stories of their weekend’s drunkenness without being bored s**tless. Stories of lost keys and pissing in random places soon become tiresome when you're not involved.

Lie 3: I have learned from my mistakes and I can drink in moderation now.

This one is a tough one, there’s research indicating that some people can re-introduce alcohol.

Some people. There are no guarantees. Is it worth it? Are you willing to take that risk? I’m not.

I do not ever want to even potentially go back to how I felt when I drank. Every year that goes by sober is better and better.

This kind of research as useful as it is also has the potential to be incredibly damaging to those who abuse alcohol.

It reminds me of all that research saying that a glass of red wine has health benefits, remember that? I for one know that that research encouraged me to get drunk at least twenty times.

‘But red wine is so healthy,’ I would say finishing the bottle.

Lie 4: It’s honestly just going to be tonight, and then I’m back on the wagon.

You will put yourself back to square 1. I’m not giving a s**t here about if you’re into collecting time as if you own it, I mean you will have to go through much stronger cravings again.

The first month is always the hardest. The first week is even harder. Do you really want to do that again just for one night of drinking?

Every problem drinker thinks this at some point. Common triggers are birthdays/ Christmas/ New Year/ weddings/ flights/ holidays/ the weekend.

I’ll admit, I totally allowed myself to think this last Christmas. It’s Christmas, I thought, I can totally just have one glass of champagne.

I'm so glad I didn't. And, conquering that lie is something I can return to when addiction whispers its sweet nothings to me next time.

Lie 5: Other people can drink sensibly, I’m pretty sure I can do that now.

You are not other people. We are all different.

Some of us can eat a ton of ice cream and never gain weight. Some of us can work out mathematical puzzles in our head. We all have strengths in different areas.

Your strength is not in drinking alcohol sensibly. Fact.

You have to accept that you can’t drink one drink and be content. You’re just not that person.

If it’s hard to be around people drinking, and for me, it was impossible in the beginning, then put some boundaries in place.

Only hang out with people if it's clear it's a non-drinking activity. Or make some new friends who aren't thinking about drinking at every opportunity. It’s crazy I know- but they are out there.

Lie 6: I’m really boring if I don’t drink.

Have you ever actually been around drunk people when you’re sober?

Lie 7: I was only drinking heavily to deal with my work/ my partner/ my family/ other stress. Things have improved now and my life is back on track.

It’s great that you have made your life more manageable and you might not think you have any problems now, but we all have bad s**t that happens.

Someone lets you down, your boss is a dick to you or your car breaks down. If you reintroduce alcohol, will you then have a couple of beers to take the edge off those problems again?

Once I had used alcohol as a coping mechanism, that was it. Even without the same life stressors, I found that I couldn’t drink moderately. I was not just drinking the same but more than I had before.

It was like a switch had been flicked in my brain and I just couldn't switch it off.

Lie 8: I have changed my lifestyle, this is my reason to drink moderately. I’ve got something to get up for.

Lifestyle changes are a fantastic first step into sobriety, but unfortunately, addiction is stronger than that.

I did all of that. I had a solid fitness habit supported by subscriptions to multiple apps. I would get up at 5.30 to do yoga. Did that help me drink moderately?

Nope.

As soon as I reintroduced alcohol, my brain welcomed the return of this super easy dopamine route. And it quickly realized that all the positive lifestyle changes I had introduced, like yoga and running were just not as effective.

I would quickly ditch all my good new routines. I needed that dopamine hit and alcohol was the quickest way to do it.

Somedays I wake up with my alarm and I’m super tired. On those days, I. Need. Coffee. Now. My brain knows there’s a jar of instant up there on the shelf. And that’s way easier than grinding some fresh. Guess what I do?

The body takes the path of least resistance.

Lie 9: I can control my addiction.

No one can control an addiction. You can develop tools to manage it.

But no one is immune to its power.

As soon as you begin minimizing the power of addiction, you are minimizing your addiction and red flags should be waving.

Respect the power of addiction. Never ever think that you are stronger. The minute you relax is when addiction comes back and says…I think you could totally just have one. But we never know where that one takes us. It could be the one that leads us into a binge that permanently damages you or people around you.

Lie 10: I’m not strong enough, I can’t do this.

I was that person. People still do not believe that I am sober or ever could be. I was sure I was not strong enough.

So when I was at the bottom and someone told me they did it and I could do it too, I had no choice but to believe them. Don’t wait until the only option is death or believing you’re strong enough.

No one believes that they can stop. Until they do and then they take it one day at a time.

Lie 11: I’m cured. I don't have to worry anymore as I will never drink a drop ever again.

There was a woman I once met in the rooms, she was 20 years clean and she picked up again. She thought she was fixed.

She said she thought it would be different, but she said she was right back where she had left off 20 years ago.

That still sends shivers down my spine. That you can have 20 years sober and just like that you take a drink and you feel the same rush, the same power from the dopamine hit and you know that that's you.

If you’re reading this and you're worried about your drinking, you are never alone. Reach out.

Doran Lamb is a freelance writer on addiction and mental health. She writes to challenge the stigma that exists as a result of mental health and through her writing wants the world to know that individual difference makes the world dynamic, sexy and beautiful. She is proudly an addict in recovery, a mother, and an opinionated woman, who has learned not to give a f**k what anyone thinks.