Ditching These Top 5 Sobriety Tips Has Been Essential For My Recovery

#4 Routine is the enemy of addiction.

#1 AA/NA and Sponsor

Some people love AA and the 12 steps and some people don’t. I really don’t.

At rehab, we weren’t forced to attend the bi-weekly AA or NA meetings on offer and they weren’t a part of the program. However, when creating my exit plan, I was told I had to agree to attend 2–3 meetings a week and find a sponsor before I left.

I did all of these things but as much as I enjoyed attending meetings sometimes, I just didn’t want to fully commit to the program. It really didn’t feel right to me. Creating my own sober tribe suited me better than attending AA.

Out of my close friends from the ‘hab, only 2 out of 6 remained committed to AA and NA. This two-thirds rule appears to also be reflected in literature on the topic where it’s cited that approximately a third of addicts find AA useful and the rest don’t.

#2 Cut out old drinking/party buddies

It’s not always that easy to cut out old drinking buddies if they are also good friends. Let’s face it, you still need people and just because they used to get p**sed with you doesn’t automatically make them the devil.

When I said that in rehab, I was shot down for ‘sounding like an addict’. We even had to write speeches that we would deliver to these people when we saw them again in the real world.

Luckily those speeches have never seen the light of day and I have managed to maintain the friends who showed that they were still there for me without the drink.

One of my craziest party friends was also the first friend to invite me over for dinner after I left rehab. Without being prompted, instead of the usual wine fest, he had stocked up on sodas for everyone. He was actually incredibly understanding and supportive and still is. Even though he still likes to drink, it hasn’t made a difference to our friendship that I don’t.

Also when he goes out on wild benders and calls me up the next day, hungover and feeling sorry for himself (which admittedly happens way less now I’m not around), it really is a great reminder of what I am not missing.

#3 Stay away from bars and people drinking

I always remember one of the addiction councilors in rehab asking me rhetorically, ‘would you sit around people smoking if you had cancer?’ I do agree that in some situations keeping away from booze is absolutely necessary for sobriety, particularly when you’re new to recovery.

But, it just hasn't ever felt right for me to 100% remove myself from bars and people drinking.

After a year of sobriety, I began to find that occasionally being in the company of people drinking actually helped me.

Once I found my sobriety legs, I discovered the power of attending a party where people are drinking and you actually manage to make it through the night sober. I genuinely feel like a rock star now that I’m not slurring my words, falling over on my heels, and stumbling home.

It’s a huge boost to my sobriety success when other people leave the party tipsy and exhausted before me and then the next morning I’m not even tired and hungover.

I feel like I’m finally getting the best of both worlds because let’s face it, parties are still fun, why should I have to miss out on weddings and birthdays? I still enjoy getting dressed up and going out. Just not every weekend anymore.

Also, being around people boozing serves as an amazing reminder that very few people actually drank the same as I did. At a birthday party recently, I noticed that I was stood chatting away to a group for two hours and they didn’t rush to get new drinks. If that had been me, I would have been a hot mess at a party with free-flow bubbles.

Then there’s the inevitable casualty (the one that was invariably me before), and seeing that person is honestly one of the best ways to stay sober.

So occasionally being in bars and around people drinking actually serves a purpose for me and helps maintain my sobriety.

#4 Routine is the enemy of addiction

You frequently get told that for a successful recovery, you need to maintain a strict schedule. Otherwise, all those nasty addict behaviors will slip back in. You need to get up early every day to meditate. Schedule in hobbies and interests and maintain early to bed and early rising every day, even on weekends.

I’m sorry but f**k that. I love sleeping. I love being lazy. I also love being spontaneous. On a Saturday I’m not getting up at 6 if I don’t have to.

I also don’t care if watching Netflix and eating pizza in my pj’s and not going out for a hike is addict behavior. You see I like trips away but I also like being at home. I hate planning every minute of my existence. It’s just not me.

Even worse is that personally, I find routine to be the enemy of creativity. Creativity for me is spontaneous, I can’t structure it or put it away until a more suitable time.

Being able to explore my creativity freely is a fundamental part of my recovery. As an addict, I became accustomed to suppressing emotions and putting on a face. Therefore, actually acknowledging how I feel can sometimes be quite challenging. I know that if I don’t have the space to explore my emotions, I’m f**ked. That's when problems build-up and things start to become unmanageable.

Having a creative outlet gives me the opportunity to safely explore my emotions and therefore stay sober.

As much as I hate routine there are obviously some routines that I have to commit to, for example, work and school pickups. But If I had to commit to a self-implemented routine outside of these basics, I would feel like I was putting on a face again and behaving how people expected.

Sobriety for me is about authenticity.

My life was a hot mess when I was an addict, I would miss appointments, forget bills and sleep in.

The truth is I still do all these things now, just not quite as often. I might have my emotions in check but I’m still at heart a disorganized person.

I’m sure my life would be better if I had my s**t together. But I love my life and myself. I’m disorganized as hell but I fully own that part of myself. I’m always trying to be on time for everything but the truth is I’m probably never going to change. I have many other great qualities. Organisation just isn’t one of them. Nowadays, I accept that.

#5 Don’t make any big life changes.

I was told to keep everything as it is for 2–3 years and then when you’re all settled in sobriety and stable you can make those life changes.

Well, I might have followed this if Covid hadn't happened.

But to be honest when I was told that I recoiled. I already had so many changes that I had been desperate to make for so long. I knew that for me to be happy and therefore for my sobriety to be successful I needed to make those changes.

Yes, it’s been incredibly stressful at times, and Covid completely f**ked up everything, but the truth is, I really wasn’t happy with my immediate environment. For me, feeling happier with my job and the city I live in helps me stay sober. It’s much easier to fall back into bad habits if everything around you is wrong.

I know if I had followed the rules and spent 3 years living my old life, I would have found it much harder to stay sober.

I hope this shows you that there is no ‘one size fits all’ recovery and no essential rules. I was told that each of these tips was fundamental to staying sober but the truth of it is, it has been the opposite for me.

Finding your unique path through sobriety is challenging but exciting. It’s all about getting to know the real you. No one can tell you what you need to be successful, only you know. Own your journey whatever it looks like.

If you need help to stop the pain, you’re not alone.

If you’re ready to try something different, read beautiful hangover and discover what I did to get freedom from alcohol. Do whatever it takes to stay sober for 30 days: go to your doctor, try Smart or AA or Hip Sobriety or Soberistas.

Listen to Recovery Elevator and SHAIR podcasts. Read This Naked Mind. Try Moderation Management.

There is a whole community of people waiting to help you. Reach out. Something better is waiting.

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Doran Lamb is a freelance writer on addiction and mental health. She writes to challenge the stigma that exists as a result of mental health and through her writing wants the world to know that individual difference makes the world dynamic, sexy and beautiful. She is proudly an addict in recovery, a mother, and an opinionated woman, who has learned not to give a f**k what anyone thinks.