How A Man Can Maintain Frame In A Relationship.

Keep genuine desire alive with these key ideas and actions.

I wrote earlier this month about a failed marriage close to me. Many comments seemed to imply that I was blaming the woman, was one-sided, or was “sexist and stupid.”

More insightful comments affirmed the truths I simply highlighted around women’s hypergamous nature. I maintain this is neither a good or bad thing, it just is.

Again, we can examine and accept reality without judging it. I do my best to run my life and personal relationships around what is, not what ought to be.

To the people who thought I was blaming the woman or were angling for more insights into what the man’s role in the divorce was, I got to thinking more about what kinds of attributes an average man can embrace in the interest of keeping his female companion interested and around for the long haul. Many of these ideas are born from my own experiences in my marriage and those of friends and acquaintances close to me. Further, I have affirmed many of these attributes via research I link below.

First, I think it would be helpful to define “frame” in this context, and why I believe it is important for a man to have it.

Since the dawn of man, it has been a man’s job to protect and provide. That puts men in a default leadership state.

Women are conversely conditioned from an evolutionary standpoint to expect protection and provision from a man.

This is why all too often the most stable, healthy relationships I know of involve a strong, charismatic man and a complimentary woman who is loving, supportive, kind, and happy to follow and be proud of her man.

To that end, here are the top things a man can do to maintain frame in a relationship.

1. Be fit physically and strong emotionally.

This is obvious, yet look at most guys. Every man should work on his body. Work out, and pick up heavy things for fun. You should be able to see your johnson when you look down. Labor is a natural aspect of being a man. Capitalize on it.

Numerous polls tell us that women like trim guys. You don’t have to be a bodybuilder, in fact, the majority of women don’t like the Arnold look. But “average” (not fat), and “fit/athletic” were the top vote-getters in this poll. Further, a majority said this was important.

(And of note, 66% of the respondents were between the ages of 18 to 24. In other words, the prime dating age, when most people, women in particular, are their most physically attractive, objectively speaking.)

“Muscular arms” rank very high in physical features desired of men by women. Dad-bods are not good, guys. Got it?

I personally have been a practitioner of CrossFit since 2010 and could not recommend the discipline more. Even just 3 intense, cardio-metabolic, strength-oriented workouts a week can keep you more fit and capable than 95% of people.

What you eat is paramount. 90% of your body composition will be determined by what you stuff in your pie-hole.

Eat mostly real food; meat and plants. This isn’t hard and pays serious dividends for not just how you look naked, but how you feel on a daily basis.

Regarding being strong emotionally.

Be available for your woman. Learn to listen and understand that women think and lead with emotion. Reasoning your way into and out of things isn’t always going to work. You don’t have to be able to fix every problem she has, nor can you.

Perhaps most importantly, don’t bring more problems to the relationship.

No one cares about a man’s struggles other than your brothers. She doesn’t want to hear how hard things are, how rough life can be, and woe is me tales.

A whining man is a big turnoff for women. Weakness in men is not a positive thing, no matter how much our broken, modern culture pushes vulnerability and online therapy sessions on you.

2. Make good money.

In the same poll, women across various cultures and countries ranked “financial security” of a long-term partner as “very important.”

Given that the median US annual income for an individual in 2023 is predicted to be about $57,406, most men are not likely going to hit the “financial security” checkbox for most women.

The reality is that having a home in a safe neighborhood, being able to take vacations, save and invest for the future, and not being up to your eyeballs in debt, requires making more than the median or average person.

This is why I tell younger men in my life to focus on their personal development, fitness, and finances. Get your life and career straightened out before worrying about committing to a woman.

Women wrote a song about “no scrubs” for a reason. But on the other side of that is avoiding certain qualities in women that make the foundation of a relationship less secure.

The more you bring to the table as a man, the better you can expect from a female companion.

3. Be useful and capable of being dangerous.

Can you fix a flat tire? Change the oil in a car? Repair a broken toilet? Hang a photo? Shovel snow? Can you cook? Eliminate pests?

Do you know how to use weapons responsibly and/or fight? Are you capable of being dangerous if necessary to protect your family?

Modern society preaches equality, but what wife or girlfriend expects to be asked to respond to the loud crash downstairs at 2 am?

Seriously, guys, we need to be able to do “man things.” Remember the part about provision and protection?

Too many modern men are incapable of doing things even their fathers, and especially their grandfathers were expected to do.

Be better.

4. Be interesting. Do interesting things.

Productive hobbies and interests pay dividends, not just for yourself, but in the eyes of others.

Being well-read, knowledgable, generally useful, and capable of being surprising is valuable. Wonder is a powerful attraction tool.

Sitting on your ass all weekend playing video games or watching football is not a good look.

An industrious man exhibits purpose, and is noticed.

5. Be someone she cannot imagine living without.

Some of the best men I know exhibit many if not all of the qualities above. This allows them to establish a strong foundation for not just maintaining desire, but keeping a long-term relationship or marriage strong. That is not to say these are the only things a man needs to do, especially in marriage. (I will offer thoughts on that in another story).

But, I believe these qualities also attract other women. I’ve said before that women love a man that other women want to be with. Pre-selection, validation is real. In other words, a man that could cheat but doesn’t.

If your wife or girlfriend isn’t proud of you, and not super happy to be doing life with you, you’ve lost the plot.

The dread of living without you should be real, and how operate, conduct, and present yourself can ensure it.

What do you think? Which of these qualities do you value most? Are there other things men can be doing to ensure long-term interest in a partner?

Thanks for reading!

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