Stories | Self-improvement | Mental Health
How a Dopamine Detox Made Me Depressed
But it might have been one of the best decisions I’ve made
Earlier this week I saw a kingfisher perched on the edge of a branch, its yellow-streaked stomach shimmering with an incandescence similar to the currently rising sun, illuminating the river below it.
A moment later, it leapt from the branch and divebombed towards the river, crashing into the sparkling current and emerging a second later with its breakfast — a small fish — and flying off into the distance.
And I knew, at that moment, that I made the right decision.
Two weeks earlier I deleted nearly every app on my phone and computer, embarking on a dopamine detox. Had I not done that then I’d have seen that kingfisher.
Instead, my brain would have been on loan, enslaved to some shitty app as I stand unbeknownst to the gift and beauty of nature that surrounds me.
Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it
~ Ferris Bueller
But seriously — how fucking awesome was that!
Seeing a kingfisher swoop down, catch its meal and gloriously swoop off. I bet he felt like a… nah, I’m not using that pun; I’m better than that.
But what a way to start the morning, with a smile brought by the joy of nature.
My phone, as complex as it is, could never compare to the simplicity of nature.
Do you think that the roulette wheel of:
- Scantily clad girls showing their breasts for clout,
- People flexing their rented Rolexs and Ferraris, and
- News stories detailing death, wars and disease
could come close to giving me as much joy as that kingfisher did?
No. Of course not.
Is that me saying kingfishers are greater than breasts?
That might be a bit of a stretch.
Although this story sounds super cool (objectively) and I seem to be living my best life, quitting highly addictive dopaminergic activities suddenly isn’t as romantic as it sounds.
It sucks. A lot.
The reality of quitting all the good stuff
All at once I quit:
- Gaming,
- Social media,
- Binge-watching YouTube,
- Almost every app on my phone (except essential ones),
and some other stuff.
From the outside looking in, it seemed like I was making strides and taking care of myself.
Internally, for the first few weeks, I was in a constant bad mood, overwhelmed by feelings of boredom that would attack me each day.
It was a struggle.
My brain was desperately craving a screen, algorithm or cheap dopamine, like a starving baby to a teet. It’s a sad simile, but true; most of us feel a slight tinge of boredom, so our brains kick up a fuss until they get what they want — like a child.
But I didn’t concede. I wanted to stick to the experiment I promised I’d see to the end: to quit all non-work screen time from my life.
After the initial deprivation phase, things started to get a lot better.
I saw joy in smaller things, felt more energetic, and did more difficult work with a new level of willingness.
It turns out it’s piss-easy to do work when there is nothing else to distract you.
Why I did it
There is one word for why I decided to remove all things so extremely.
Intolerance.
I was sick of how I was living: shackled to the tumultuous whims of my desires and distractions.
I was sick of the promises I failed to keep to myself: to finally commit to change, to take real action, to use the day effectively, etc.
No longer did I want to be tossed around like some plaything.
I thought, if I removed everything from my life other than the stuff that would benefit me, I’d have no other choice than to improve my life — either that or be eternally bored to shit.
So I started policing myself… within reason, of course; I wasn’t a complete tyrant.
I was fair and patient with my progress, reminding myself that I am human; I will make mistakes; I will falter.
And that is okay.
There is no effort without error, as Roosevelt said, so I knew that the struggle and hardship were a sign I was on the right path.
Why doing a dopamine detox ended up being awesome
I call it a “dopamine detox”, but idk.
I just used it as a flash phrase to denote that I’m getting my shit together and aggressively eliminating anything extraneous.
Whatever works, I'll take it.
But an inadvertent side-effect of this detox is that it’s made me reinforce good habits and go all-in on being in the moment.
I’ve become more grounded, aware and mindful of my actions, especially when in nature.\
Being bored has made me open my eyes. It’s coerced me into seeking joy in reality and the world around me, instead of a screen that’s optimised to act like a casino.
In every walk with Nature one receives far more than he seeks
~ John Muir
So although this whole purging-everything-until-I-actually-do-good-shit phase was initially miserable, it was worth the struggle.
Once I reached the escape velocity needed to overcome the urges and gain momentum it was smooth sailing.
Conclusion
You might be wondering: should I do this?
Maybe. Have you got anything to lose?
I think it’s worth the try, even if you hate it and end up returning to your dopaminergic activities; it will highlight how dependent you are to the small things that you crave.
I hope you enjoyed my little story.
If not, then that’s okay. Nobody reads this (yet) anyway.
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