Housewife Is Not a Dirty Word

A Housewife and a womanist can exist in one body

Many people hold negative views of marriage, with some condemning it as an archaic and doomed institution. Some people may roll their eyes at the very thought of the topic, while others feel overjoyed. Women’s roles are ever-changing. They are encouraged to work outside of the home and climb the corporate ladder while simultaneously managing a household. In particular, feminists debate the role of a housewife in modern society, with some accusing these women of lacking intelligence, motivation, and work ethic.

While rejecting traditional roles for women sprung from a desire to be unbound by social expectations, the unintended result is that the term “housewife,” has become a dirty word. Even well-meaning feminists have belittled these women and the institution of marriage.

Not everyone wants to get married, and that is okay. Nevertheless, we need to engage in a conversation about what a modern housewife does, her responsibilities, her value to herself, her family, home, and community. In the fight for women in the workplace, let’s not disregard women who work from home.

Modern feminists say that a woman should make her own decisions that personally empower her and that nobody should tell her otherwise. But when a woman makes a choice that doesn’t seem to fit a modern feminist agenda — like choosing to be a traditional wife — they will say that she’s not a real woman and Block that she’s a victim of the dreaded “patriarchy (Dotson, 2020).

A housewife is not property, and her decision to enter into union with a man is not a capitulation of her power, but rather a mutually beneficial alliance. Unless a woman says she is unhappy in her marriage and her role as a housewife, isn’t it time for society to stop telling her she should be?

Being a housewife in the 21st century doesn’t mean that we think every woman should be one. Not every woman wants to be a housewife nor should they be (Harris, 2020).

Many norms in society are falling, and for a good reason. For too long, women experienced trauma from the pressure of entering into roles they did not want, essentially knee-capping their potential. However, we can walk and chew gum at the same time. Society can rejoice women’s non-traditional roles while not shaming those women who proudly identify as housewives.

Feminism is meant to give women the right to choose, not dictate or restrict the choices we can make (Harris, 2020).

I use Grammarly like many writers, and it gave me an interesting suggestion. When I typed the term “housewife,” a purple line underscored it. The application suggested that I change the word “housewife” into “homemaker.” Upon reading the suggestion, I knew what it was insinuating. The insinuation was that my word choice was not inclusive enough because the term housewife does not cover all homemakers. I understand this concept. However, what I aim to talk about is the specific role of a “housewife.” Algorithms should not drown out these roles for the sake of inclusivity. When I say, housewives matter, why is the system telling me, “No. All homemakers matter,”?

Women have unique lived experiences in marriage, and exploring their roles can benefit broader considerations about womanhood. Some modern women seem to feel uncomfortable about the topic as if someone will knock on their front door and say, “Come with me. You will be my wife. Cook, clean and wash these floors”. The modern concept of marriage is consensual, so society should stop viewing this as an inherently oppressive role. While some women experience abuse at the hands of their husbands, to see the entire institution of marriage in this light is defamatory of the institution.

Wives Self-Advocate

If feminism is supposed to facilitate female empowerment, this needs to extend beyond the career, into interpersonal relationships. When pursuing marriage, wives have the power to advocate for themselves. When women consider a proposal, the doors of communication are open, which is good for women’s health and well-being. The engagement offers an ideal scenario to self-advocate. They feel empowered to say what they want from a man because if he wants her to say yes, he must also hear her out.

A woman does not need a man to be powerful. However, if she engages in a relationship with a man, the nature of that relationship matters, defining that relationship can be liberating.

While maintaining a free-agent status can feel exciting, it may not place a woman in the best negotiating stance. Men may be less cooperative or transparent. The casualness of the relationship often makes discussing wants and needs taboo. Men may say, “I told you I did not want anything serious,” and in this way, silence women from expressing their wants and needs, hampering a woman’s ability to self-advocate.

It is worth acknowledging marriage as an effective method for women to obtain power. After all, some of the world’s most powerful women have gained political and financial strength through marriage.

Queens Through Marriage

American feminists often view marriage as limiting women’s power, but that was not true on all continents or throughout time. In Africa, Asia, and Europe, women became regents and Queens, wielding entire armies and nations’ power.

Wu Zetian, the only Chinese empress, obtained complete control over the empire by becoming wife and consort to the emperor, Taizong. Through artful diplomacy, she gained an immense amount of power.

Wu began her life at court taking care of the royal laundry but one day dared to speak to the emperor when they were alone and talked about Chinese history. (Mark, 2020).

Imagine that. Wu Zetian started off doing royal laundry, one of the same chores society mocks modern housewives about but gained the most by advocating for herself and never accepting the circumstances she was born into.

A woman in the most powerful position in government threatened the traditional patriarchy and the court counselors, ministers, and historians claimed Wu had upset the balance of nature by assuming a power which belonged to a man (Mark, 2020).

Through her role as a wife, Wu Zetian negotiated better circumstances for her own life and her country. Her role that she gained through marriage challenged the patriarchal system in China. Utilizing her ambition and determination, she showcased a woman’s ability to rule effectively.

Many women throughout history did the same. The infamous Queen Nefertiti initially ruled Egypt as a co-regent to Pharaoh Akhenaten. Throughout their marriage, he never diminished her power or dignity; their union elevated it.

Nefertiti was perhaps one of the most powerful women ever to have ruled. Her husband went to great lengths to display her as an equal. In several reliefs, she is shown wearing the crown of a pharaoh or smiting her enemies in battle (Biography.com Editors).

Her husband, respecting her as his equal, celebrated his wife, Nefertiti, in any way. While Pharaoh Akhenaten did these things out of love, no one should underestimate the Queen’s diplomatic prowess that made her a powerful ruler, even after his death. Her diplomacy applied to her career as co-regent and Queen as well as in her interpersonal life.

Even for women at the lower end of the socioeconomic spectrum, the role of housewife was dynamic. Women pursued a variety of activities outside the home.

Despite producing children in marriage, an Egyptian woman was not only limited to house. Often due to necessity, a married woman employed herself in various occupations and professions (S, 2019).

Egyptian society did not confine women to the household but respected their dynamic skill-sets. Thus, being housewives did not oppress them, nor was it something to be mocked. Through childbirth, women obtain unique responsibilities, and throughout history, were exalted for fulfilling this crucial social contract. In many traditions, women felt unbound by limited roles associated with Western civilization.

The current role of “housewife” fits the Egyptian concept more closely than those found in early Western culture. Housewives are not limited to cooking, cleaning, and caring for children. Many run businesses, attend college, or teach classes,

“The willingness to negotiate issues in good faith with your spouse is so important that I believe it rises to the level of a vow you are willing to make and remake throughout your marriage” (Aponte, 2019).

The Impact of Marriage on Family Ties

The institution of marriage has the potential to strengthen community ties as well by extending family relations. Sure, we all hear stories about the dreaded in-laws. Still, the opposite is something we rarely hear about, mainly because it does not fit into the narrative that marriage, and the relationships developed through it, are unfavorable. Taking on additional family members can provide support for the married couple as well as their children.

An old African Proverb says, “It takes a village to raise a child.” In this way, more community members can ensure each child’s success, health, and welfare. While these same protections can be offered to a child not born of a married couple, the union acts to formalize otherwise informal bonds. It is disingenuous to portray the entire institution as insidious. Instead, marriage reflects the problems of each era, highlighting the inequities and abuses of women.

Throughout American history, women have gained more rights, and through these changes, marriage has also evolved, respecting the independence and dignity of women.

What do Housewives Do?

“Housewives and stay at home moms are professionals, just as much as anyone who works outside the home. Creative problem solving, multi-tasking, advanced project management and diplomacy are only a few of the skills a professional housewife requires” (Harris, 2020).

In Closing:

Marriage is not for everyone, and no one should pressure someone into it. However, housewives get a bad rap. Too often, people portray them in a negative light. Just because many women choose not to be housewives should not justify diminishing their decisions. If feminism is about fighting for equal opportunities for women, shouldn’t each woman’s decisions be respected?

Modern feminists can and should continue to challenge societal expectations. However, in the process, the movement must include housewives. They should not be used as a punch line to justify someone else’s identity.

In an attempt to bring about equal rights for women, we respect each woman’s ability to choose what is right for her (Harris, 2020).

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References:

Aponte, C. (2019, February 15). The Right Way to Negotiate with Your Partner. Retrieved August 30, 2020, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/marriage-equals/201902/the-right-way-negotiate-your-partner

Biography.com Editors (Ed.). (2019, October 18). Nefertiti. Retrieved August 31, 2020, from https://www.biography.com/royalty/nefertiti

Dotson, D. (2020, August 05). Dear Modern Feminists, Mocking Traditional Housewives Isn’t Empowerment, It’s Hypocrisy. Retrieved August 29, 2020, from https://www.theodysseyonline.com/mocking-a-traditional-housewife

Garcia, J. (2013, February). Sexual hook-up culture. Retrieved August 31, 2020, from https://www.apa.org/monitor/2013/02/ce-corner

Harris, A. (2020, January 22). Being a Professional Housewife. Retrieved August 31, 2020, from https://apriljharris.com/are-you-a-professional-housewife/

Harris, A., & Says, P. (2020, January 21). Being a Housewife in the 21st Century. Retrieved August 31, 2020, from https://apriljharris.com/being-a-housewife-in-the-21st-century/

Mark, E. (2020, August 29). Wu Zetian. Retrieved August 31, 2020, from https://www.ancient.eu/Wu_Zetian/