Hoovering Narcissists And How They Will Haunt You
Prepare yourself for all the stops
Hoovering is a manipulative tactic that a narcissist will use as a means of entering back into your life. Usually, it’s done after a break-up or a long period of going “no contact.” Hoovering is a way to try to manipulate you into falling back into the abusive cycle you’ve tried to escape.
Hoovering is typically done after a long period of no contact between the victim and the abuser. In an attempt to regain control over their victims, hoovering abusers will use manipulation tactics that target their victim’s soft spots and emotional vulnerabilities. — Aletheia Luna
The narcissist wants to regain their control over you because they have lost their supply. They are hoovering because they have something that they can gain from you. It could be sex, it could be money, or it could simply be attention but they won’t stop easily.
Perhaps they got bored with their new victim. Perhaps they can’t find someone who supplied them as you did, so they’re going to give it another shot with you.
They knew that they were able to pull you under their spell before, why not again?
Why is hoovering a successful manipulative tactic?
The narcissist knows how to push your buttons. They may send you communication that says how much they have changed, how much they love you, and that they need you. If you are empathetic or still have feelings for them, it’s going to be extremely difficult to not play into their game.
Narcissists know that they will usually find success when they reach back out because they know that their victim still loves them and they can use that in their favor. Even if the first attempt doesn’t work they know that they can keep trying to wear you down emotionally with all the tricks that worked before.
How do they sneak back in?
I ended the relationship with my narcissist the first time that we broke up. We didn’t talk for a few weeks and then I got a text from him saying “Hey, I have a few of your things.”
He wanted us to meet for him to give them to me and I let the gates of communication open back up. We met at a restaurant and ended up hanging out, making out, and I ended up falling back into our abusive cycle for several more months before I cut final ties.
Another example is that the Narcissist may begin liking things that you post on social media or commenting on your friend’s posts. He/she wants you to notice them again and everything they are doing is a way to get your attention.
They will say everything you want to hear.
It’s almost like the person you fell in love with at the beginning of your relationship is back. Suddenly you are being bombarded with love, affection, promises of a bright future… everything seems perfect.
The person who couldn’t even say sorry the entire time that you dated them is suddenly showing remorse and is apologizing for everything that they did to hurt you.
They will tell you that you are their person and they’ve been waiting their whole lives for you. They will tell you that they want to spend their remaining days on this earth with you and only you.
It’s all a lie.
They will try to hurt you.
If they don’t get their way with gifts and words they will most likely resort to hurting you. They may shame you for ending the relationship, use your insecurities against you, and start trying to tell lies about you to the people in your life.
My ex sent me a picture of a bracelet I had given him. He had cut it in half and included a caption on the photo that said, “Cheap and broken, just like you.”
I asked him why he continued to try to hurt me and he acted upset that I had the nerve to accuse him of such a thing.
He had tried to get me back and ended up discarded me and continuing to try to jab the knife. Even though he had left me he was never really gone.
You have to recognize hoovering.
The reason why you have to recognize these traits is so that you can protect yourself against the manipulation being used against you. If you don’t have self-confidence and self-worth you’re going to be more prone to let your guard down and to let this person back into your life.
If the hoovering is happening because you ended the relationship you have to have the confidence to know that this person isn’t right for you and it’s time to move on. If there are no children involved you need to block them from every single outlet. The only way to truly be rid of their influence is to cut them out of every single part of your life.
Then you can finally begin to feel truly free.
