Here Are The More Subtle Signs That You Are Dealing With a Narcissist
They can be easy to miss
After being in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s often easy to look back and berate yourself for not paying attention to the red flags. They seem so obvious, and it’s easy to wonder how you didn’t identify the love-bombing or the gaslighting.
However, there are more subtle signs that people with narcissistic tendencies will show in the beginning. After looking back, I can actually say that my ex exhibited subtle signs of narcissism before he had even begun using his manipulative tactics on me.
Once you have encountered such a person, it’s easier to identify red flags if you are paying attention at the beginning of a relationship.
What are the not so blatant signs that someone could be a narcissist and is hiding their true colors in the beginning?
They can’t be coached.
A narcissist believes that they are above everyone else so they aren’t going to happily accept advice from anyone, even if it’s their boss or superior at work. Don’t tell them how to do their job, because they already know or at least they think that they know.
For example, my ex and I worked together at the same company, and I can’t begin to tell you how many times he thought he knew more than our boss. He would make fun of him after a meeting and belittle his leadership tactics. The funny thing was that he was not even coming close to hitting his numbers and was far from a top performer but still believed he would be able to do the job better.
When he was offered help he would just shake his head and blame his failures on a million other factors.
They can’t be counted on.
Making plans or trying to schedule time with them isn’t going to make a difference. A narcissist will ensure that you are doing what they want to do and following through with their plans.
At the beginning of a romance, it is easy to let someone else have their way because you don’t want to rock the boat.
By doing this you are setting the scene for what is going to happen for the duration of your relationship. If you realize that you never do what you want to do, listen to the music you like, or eat where you want to eat, you have probably already fallen into the trap.
Their apologies aren’t sincere.
Just because someone is a narcissist doesn’t mean that they aren’t going to ever say sorry.
When they hurt you they are going to say sorry. If they didn’t, then it would be much easier to leave. Instead, their words will seem sincere and will be the exact things that you want to hear.
Don’t be mistaken or fooled. They don’t genuinely mean that they are sorry but they can still muster the strength to say that they are because it will win them favor in your eyes.
They break the rules.
My ex was fantastic at playing people, manipulating the situation so that it played in his favor, and somehow never getting caught. I found out late into our relationship that he didn’t pay his taxes. He would drink and drive extremely drunk and never got a DUI.
He wouldn’t pay his bills because he used the money on drugs but would get his Mom to pay them. He didn’t own a credit card because he had no credit.
All of these things were hidden from me until later on. Authority was the devil in his eyes, and I quickly learned that he would do anything to do things the way that he wanted.
You are bombarded with advice.
They are the expert matter in … everything. Suddenly you are being told how to get a raise at work, how to navigate your relationships better, how you could be a better person.
The person that you are dating seems to have a never-ending cauldron of advice.
Take a step back and look at their lives to see if they practice what they preach. My ex was doing terrible at his job and went for a promotion that he didn’t get. Still, he constantly told me how I should do my job even though I was a better performer than he was.
He also told me how to eat even though his diet consisted mostly of gas-station burritos. I was much healthier and made time for fitness and wellness in my life and he was the opposite. He simply wanted to have a say in every single part of my life.
They have to win.
It could be an innocent game of mini-golf or a poker match. It doesn't matter how simple the game is or if you are just trying to have fun. If you win you are going to be dealing with a very sore loser.
A narcissist thinks they are the best, they want to be the best, and they do not want to lose at anything.
You may find that you lose things on purpose to let them have their way so that you don’t have to deal with the aftermath. There is nothing wrong with being competitive but there is something wrong with not being able to accept any kind of loss.
Not All Signs Will Be Obvious.
Often with narcissism, there is a perception that their traits are going to be easy to identify.
However, normally it can be months or years before you see someone’s true colors. They wouldn’t be able to entice you into a relationship by presenting themselves are being a manipulative monster.
Arm yourself with all the information possible and pay attention to how someone behaves. Our intuition usually tells us exactly what we need to know.
We simply have to pay attention and actually listen to it.
