Honestly, Your Penis Is The Least Important Thing About You

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good time. Not very likely because it means you're cocky … literally! It means you are full of your own self-importance around something that doesn’t even have the cache that you imagine it does, so you’re also self-deluded.</p><p id="cecf">If you think that is the single most important thing about you as a sex partner, you clearly don’t understand how women’s bodies work or what they actually want in bed, which means I’m unlikely to have a very good experience. Sure, I like someone with a bit of stamina who can give me a good pounding, if that’s what I’m in the mood for, but that’s probably more about your ab strength and your lasting power than it is the size or shape of your dick.</p><p id="c414">The only man I ever connected with who had a picture of his cock in his profile picture was a guy who was completely naked in a kind of action pose that conveyed that he had a lot of playfulness and energy about him. That’s what intrigued me. Sure, he had a great body and a larger than average dick, but without the other part, it would have been a turn-off picture, rather than a turn-on one. Sadly, we never did get together for me to find out.</p><p id="2f4c">Even though I told him that my husband and I only see other people together, he kept trying to get me alone, and that too was a turn-off. He wasn’t respecting my boundaries and was trying to sweet-talk and manipulate me into not only breaking them for him but also into breaking the agreements that I’d made with my partner about how we interact with other people. No thanks, dude. Handsome face, great body, big dick, fun energy — none of that counted in the face of that.</p><p id="e066">I’m not a two-dimensional sex doll who wants to find another two-dimensional sex doll to hook up with. Maybe you’ve met some women out there who will fall for that crap, but most of them don’t have any maturity or sense of themselves. They are just buying into the same terrible cultural narrative that leads to sub-par sex for everyone, but especially for women. Once they grow up a bit, they mostly won’t settle for that bullshit.</p><p id="be69">You are not there to <i>do things</i> to each other; you are there to do things with each other. Sex, and everything that goes with it, <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-to-flirt-and-not-harass-1e5386f9bebd">including flirting</a>, is a dialogue, not a monologue. A few years ago a man I know told me that he was in college before he truly understood this. He had grown up thinking that sex was something you talked a woman into allowing you to do to her. It was mostly for the man’s gratification. He was really excited when he realized that it was actually so much more than that.</p><p id="1516">Showing off your <i>wonderfu</i>l dick in your profile image just smacks of more of the same, at least in my mind. You don’t have to try to get to know me as a person. You don’t have to ask me about what turns me on. After all, you’ve got a wonderful magic dick on your person and I should just be grateful for it … I don’t think so!</p><p id="3f22">The <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-orgasm-gap-what-is-it-and-why-does-it-exist-f953ad79d845">orgasm gap</a> is a real thing. Thirty years of the internet ought to have closed it, but this is unfortunately not the case, in part because porn does not prioritize the things that lead to female orgasm. 86% of lesbian women say they always or nearly always orgasm during partnered sex, but only 39% of heterosexual women said the same, in comparison to 96% of men. What we see most often portr

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ayed for us in media of any kind are things that do not actually lead to sexual satisfaction for women. Only <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/200903/the-most-important-sexual-statistic">about 25%</a> of women can reach orgasm through penetration alone, no matter how glorious your cock is.</p><p id="0ff7">This is probably only an issue if you are too invested in your penis as the most important thing about you in a sexual situation. It’s a good thing to have, and it’s a thing that most women really like, but it’s not the only important thing. In fact, when evaluating someone as a potential sex partner, your dick is probably one of the least important aspects for many women.</p><p id="79c9">Do you understand how a woman’s body works and that even if you know where her clit is, it’s not just a machine that can be flipped like a mechanical switch? Do you see the woman as a whole human being that you can connect with on a variety of levels, even in a casual scenario? If not, you probably aren’t a very good lover no matter the dimensions of your dick. It’s not the most interesting thing about you and it’s not the primary thing that you have to offer as a lover. If you believe differently, you’re probably paying too much attention to cultural messaging from other men, rather than what women actually value and want.</p><p id="b01b">Women want to feel <a href="https://readmedium.com/emotional-intimacy-is-more-of-a-safety-net-than-a-requirement-for-female-sexual-desire-3d7f4d074940">safe in sexual situations</a>. They want to have fun. They want to get off and not just service some man. They have their own needs and desires. If you don’t understand that, hear it now. We are not on earth for your pleasure and enjoyment. We have sex lives that take place independent of your <i>magic dick</i>. If you would like to join us for some sexual connection, please keep in mind that we want more than just your cock. Your penis is important, but in many ways, it’s just not the most important thing about you. Don’t rely on its centrality too much. You’ll be a much better lover once you realize that. We want all of you — even in a casual connection. If you can’t show up as more than a disembodied dick, perhaps you shouldn’t show up at all.</p><div id="a621" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/why-arent-straight-people-having-better-sex-afb8bebd2867"> <div> <div> <h2>Why Aren’t Straight People Having Better Sex?</h2> <div><h3>A lot of old-fashioned patterns are still in play</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*kpK59IPchFjllOsMEh52zQ.png)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="b3ac" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/if-porn-were-actually-erotic-more-women-would-enjoy-it-2b9b489a85e8"> <div> <div> <h2>If Porn Were Actually Erotic More Women Would Enjoy It</h2> <div><h3>My thoughts on how to put the sexy in sexual content</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*7cZmZ1vNwMMWCynw)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Not the most important, as some men seem to believe

Back when I used to be on poly dating sites, I would avoid any profile picture that had a cock in it. From my point of view, if you think that’s the number one most compelling thing about you, then you probably don’t know a lot about women, which means that you are likely to be a subpar lover and companion, and not what I am interested in.

Don’t get me wrong — a dick is a good thing to have and I don’t think there is anything that comes close to the real thing — but beyond the fact that you have one and it works in the usual way, it has little bearing on how you stack up as an attractive sex partner. At least for me, but I think many other people would agree. I don’t know how it is for other people who have sex with penis owners, but I’ll bet it’s largely the same as it is for most women. It isn’t your equipment that makes you a good lover or an attractive man and it’s unfortunate that so many guys seem to be under this misapprehension.

I’d blame porn, but I think this cult of the cock started long before that, with phrases that equate a man’s member with his masculinity. “He’s a big swinging dick,” for example. Meanwhile, that’s something most women I know don’t actually care that much about. Except for the true size queen, most women care a whole less about your dick than you do. That doesn’t mean they won’t thoroughly enjoy it when they get ahold of it, but it probably isn’t what they are focused on when evaluating someone as a potential sex partner.

Contrary to what you may have been led to believe (that one probably is porn’s fault), your dick isn’t magic. That isn’t the main thing that makes you a good lover. Sure it feels good inside and it’s hot to see it come to life as I turn you on, but speaking for myself at least, I want all of you — not just that one part. I want your hands and your mouth all over me — not just in the “bathing suit” zones. I want to feel your breath on my neck and your fingers in my hair as we roll in the sheets together. I want you to show up with your whole body and have it engage with all of mine. The size or other qualities of your cock alone are not enough. I want a lot more than that!

It’s also important to me that we can laugh together and chat easily. If I think your personality is terrible, it doesn’t matter one bit what your face or body are like. It’s not that your physical attributes don’t matter, but they aren’t the only consideration, and that one, in particular, really doesn’t matter much if it’s within typical parameters. Being able to connect on a variety of levels is a lot more important to me than what your dick looks like.

And really, why would anyone ever put that as their profile picture? To me, that’s a complete and total turn off. It conveys to me that you think that is something that would make me want to meet you and then you’re going to turn up with your amazing cock, and based on that and that alone, I’m going to be wowed and have a good time. Not very likely because it means you're cocky … literally! It means you are full of your own self-importance around something that doesn’t even have the cache that you imagine it does, so you’re also self-deluded.

If you think that is the single most important thing about you as a sex partner, you clearly don’t understand how women’s bodies work or what they actually want in bed, which means I’m unlikely to have a very good experience. Sure, I like someone with a bit of stamina who can give me a good pounding, if that’s what I’m in the mood for, but that’s probably more about your ab strength and your lasting power than it is the size or shape of your dick.

The only man I ever connected with who had a picture of his cock in his profile picture was a guy who was completely naked in a kind of action pose that conveyed that he had a lot of playfulness and energy about him. That’s what intrigued me. Sure, he had a great body and a larger than average dick, but without the other part, it would have been a turn-off picture, rather than a turn-on one. Sadly, we never did get together for me to find out.

Even though I told him that my husband and I only see other people together, he kept trying to get me alone, and that too was a turn-off. He wasn’t respecting my boundaries and was trying to sweet-talk and manipulate me into not only breaking them for him but also into breaking the agreements that I’d made with my partner about how we interact with other people. No thanks, dude. Handsome face, great body, big dick, fun energy — none of that counted in the face of that.

I’m not a two-dimensional sex doll who wants to find another two-dimensional sex doll to hook up with. Maybe you’ve met some women out there who will fall for that crap, but most of them don’t have any maturity or sense of themselves. They are just buying into the same terrible cultural narrative that leads to sub-par sex for everyone, but especially for women. Once they grow up a bit, they mostly won’t settle for that bullshit.

You are not there to do things to each other; you are there to do things with each other. Sex, and everything that goes with it, including flirting, is a dialogue, not a monologue. A few years ago a man I know told me that he was in college before he truly understood this. He had grown up thinking that sex was something you talked a woman into allowing you to do to her. It was mostly for the man’s gratification. He was really excited when he realized that it was actually so much more than that.

Showing off your wonderful dick in your profile image just smacks of more of the same, at least in my mind. You don’t have to try to get to know me as a person. You don’t have to ask me about what turns me on. After all, you’ve got a wonderful magic dick on your person and I should just be grateful for it … I don’t think so!

The orgasm gap is a real thing. Thirty years of the internet ought to have closed it, but this is unfortunately not the case, in part because porn does not prioritize the things that lead to female orgasm. 86% of lesbian women say they always or nearly always orgasm during partnered sex, but only 39% of heterosexual women said the same, in comparison to 96% of men. What we see most often portrayed for us in media of any kind are things that do not actually lead to sexual satisfaction for women. Only about 25% of women can reach orgasm through penetration alone, no matter how glorious your cock is.

This is probably only an issue if you are too invested in your penis as the most important thing about you in a sexual situation. It’s a good thing to have, and it’s a thing that most women really like, but it’s not the only important thing. In fact, when evaluating someone as a potential sex partner, your dick is probably one of the least important aspects for many women.

Do you understand how a woman’s body works and that even if you know where her clit is, it’s not just a machine that can be flipped like a mechanical switch? Do you see the woman as a whole human being that you can connect with on a variety of levels, even in a casual scenario? If not, you probably aren’t a very good lover no matter the dimensions of your dick. It’s not the most interesting thing about you and it’s not the primary thing that you have to offer as a lover. If you believe differently, you’re probably paying too much attention to cultural messaging from other men, rather than what women actually value and want.

Women want to feel safe in sexual situations. They want to have fun. They want to get off and not just service some man. They have their own needs and desires. If you don’t understand that, hear it now. We are not on earth for your pleasure and enjoyment. We have sex lives that take place independent of your magic dick. If you would like to join us for some sexual connection, please keep in mind that we want more than just your cock. Your penis is important, but in many ways, it’s just not the most important thing about you. Don’t rely on its centrality too much. You’ll be a much better lover once you realize that. We want all of you — even in a casual connection. If you can’t show up as more than a disembodied dick, perhaps you shouldn’t show up at all.