His Mother Did Not Care About Him
I was not allowed to have him either
My son was born from a one-night stand, I met his mother when she passed through my training class at work, she was bright, gear to learn, and very flirtatious, really I should have known better.
I had recently come out of an engagement, to a woman I had met on holiday, things progressed quickly, but I will leave that story for another time.
I worked as a training and development consultant for large telecommunications and internet provider, my travel time was over two hours and my days were at least 10 hours long, I simply threw myself into my work to hide the pain of my recent breakup.
At this point in my life, I decided to say yes to most things, “what the hell, life is for living right?” I tried to convince myself life could only get better and “don’t look a gift horse in the mouth”.
I probably used my authority to my advantage, looking back I know that was wrong, but 21, young, free, and now single with over 500 women coming through my training class in the next 12 months, the writing was on the wall.
I guess I was a kid in a sweet shop, and to make things even better I owned that sweet shop too! One thing lead to another and I ended up having “coffee” with around 20 women during that year, I was loving life, my ex was a distant memory.
I remember being shattered from work one night and this woman from my class asked if I wanted to grab a coffee before I went home, one thing lead to another and I ended up staying the night.
Around six months later I was standing by the entrance of my works talking to a hot woman I was currently training, we had agreed to go out that weekend when this girl walked down the stairs giving me a dirty look.
I could not help but notice she had put on some weight, so cruelly mentioned it, her response was, “I have not put on weight; I am carrying your child” My face went as red as a beetroot and I laughed it off.
That night I did not feel like partying, as what was said to me did not leave my mind for a moment. The following day I approached her at work and confronted what she had told me on the stairs. She stuck to her story that I was going to be a dad, so I asked her to prove it.
She did within the hour, I was devastated, and had not a clue what to do, I was brought up well enough to know I now had responsibilities, however, had no intention of being with the mother. For me, abortion was not an option, but in reality, I did not really have a say in the matter.
Thankfully after a few days of talks, it was decided that we would have the baby, I would do what I could as a dad, financially contribute, I was 21 and scared, I did not think about the consequence of my stupid actions.
I remember going to my parents' house to give them the news, they were together in the front room, I awkwardly said to them that I had some news and I think they would be annoyed with me.
My dad stood up before I said anything else and said “I knew it, you idiot” and walked out of the room. My mum said, “have you got aids?” I was gobsmacked by that comment and wondered what she actually thought of me.
Annoyed at my mother I snapped “Aids, no, what do you think I am?” I walked into the room my dad was stood in. He looked at me and said, “You go some tart pregnant didn’t you?”
I did not even try and defend myself and started to cry, my mother came in and put her arms around me. “Thank goodness, that’s all it is,” she said and almost seemed excited.
I went on to tell her that I was not with the mother of the yet born child, she was having none of it, convinced that in time we would be together and a family unit.
My son was born, I was not allowed at the birth, and convinced his mother to let me see him, I did so when he was four days old. I had no idea what I was doing or what I was going to say. I took a bag of nappies with me, some clothes, wet wipes, and also gave her a few hundred pounds.
Her response was “I will be taking a lot more than that off you”, I ignored the comments and bend down to see my son for the first time, he had just filled his nappy and I asked if I could change him. “No give him a bath” was the demand, so I did.
Around 5 weeks later I had a knock at my front door, I was now working for the same company in a different location around 60 miles away from my son and his mother. When I opened it, I was shocked to see my son in his basket with a few bags beside him.
“I need to go away for a week, you look after him, he's your son”, she drove off, I was like a rabbit caught in headlights, what was I to do? I know that I had work in less than three hours' time, I was not prepared for a child.
I did what any person would do in this situation, I called my works and said I was sick (I did feel it at the time), then put everything in my car including my son, and drove to my mother's house. “Hi mum, I staying for a week,” I said.
It was my get-out clause, I had no idea what to do, without going into too much detail one week turned into eight weeks before his mother turned up.
Not once did I get any communication from her and was preparing to find a long-term solution for my son and me, of course at this point I started to have a real bond with him.
I was gutted, she turned up out of the blue and took my son away, I knew there was not one thing I could do about it, the courts in the UK favour the mother every time, so I thought my only option was to try and talk to her about it.
At this point, she did not want to see me and I could not see my son either, it was tearing me apart, I heard from sources that my son was being passed around her friends until one day she fell ill, then I was “asked” to have him again.
When she came to collect him for a second time I was a bit more streetwise, he was not with me, I wanted to talk before she took him from me again. Thankfully even though she was out of the hospital, she was still not well and agreed to talk.
From that point on I had my son every weekend, picking him up on a Friday after work, then dropping him home on a Sunday evening and a 2-hour trip, which shattered us both out.
I will not go into detail now, as I will leave it for another article, but will say when my son turned the legal age of sixteen, he left his mother and moved in with me, he now also has my surname via deed poll.
Written by Robert Ralph
Join Medium here (affiliate link)
