Summary

Robert Ralph reflects on his childhood, expressing deep gratitude and love for his hardworking mother and the complex relationship with his father, while mourning the loss of his parents and the impact of their absence on his life and his children's.

Abstract

Robert Ralph reminisces about his childhood in the '80s and '90s, painting a picture of a family dynamic where his mother was the breadwinner, working long hours, while his father, an ill man, took on household duties with varying degrees of success. Despite the mess and chaos left by his father, Robert idolized him for the time spent together and the gifts he received, not realizing until adulthood the financial and emotional burden shouldered by his mother. His narrative is a poignant tribute to his mother's sacrifices and a reflection on the pain of her early passing, which meant she never met her grandchildren. Robert grapples with his emotions, finding solace in writing and the support of friends like Alexander Kant, whose advice helps him cope with his grief. He is determined to honor his mother's memory by instilling strength and independence in his daughters and by being a present and emotionally available father and husband.

Opinions

The author harbors a deep appreciation for his mother's dedication and hard work, recognizing her as the unsung hero of his childhood.
There is a sense of nostalgia and idealization of the author's relationship with his father, despite acknowledging his father's shortcomings in managing household responsibilities.
The author expresses regret and sorrow over his mother's absence during his adult life and her inability to meet her grandchildren.
Robert values the importance of emotional expression and has a desire to teach his children the significance of determination, humility, and respect for women.
He acknowledges the emotional toll of writing about his family and finds comfort in the writings and advice of fellow Medium writer Alexander Kant.
The author is committed to leaving a legacy of strong family values and is grateful for the support system he has, including his wife and son's memories of his parents.

My Heart Breaks Every Day

I miss my parents

Growing up in the ’80s & 90’s my childhood looking back on it was a fantastic time in my life, my mother used to run a series of businesses and was the breadwinner in the family, this was most unusual back then, but I knew nothing different at the time.

My father was an ill man and had to retire around the age of 42, he was the person looking after the house, well that was the plan anyway, I have two older sisters and to be honest, they looked after the house.

My dad would wake up late, eat breakfast and leave the dish on the side and the milk out, when he cooked diner, which was normally soup or beans on toast, again the bread & butter would be left out and the saucepan would be put into the sink with the bean juice not only left in the pan but also dripped over the counter and sometimes the floor.

In the afternoon it was nap time, he would then walk to the local shop to pick up his daily newspaper, rustle up some tea for all of us, and hopefully by that time the girls would have cleaned up the mess he left before his sleep.

Get your child to brush their teeth every time with these 3 tricks

Introduction

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When my mum came home, she would have to clean up the rest of the day's mess, before tucking into the remains of the diner which had been left for her.

My mum worked very hard, 6 days a week and 10–12-hour shifts, my dad had all the fun, we often went on holiday without my mum, I thought she had no time for us, it saddens me, now I am older and I now understand, she simply could not come.

My mum paid for these holidays; however, it was my dad that I thanked, he was my hero, he was funny and he spent time with me, he also bought me the most wonderful toys, of course, this was my mum’s money, but no one told me that, so my dad got the credit.

My mother would often be tired and “have an early night” I can see how she was unhappy with how things were at home; however, she did not complain.

My mum was excited to hear about my daily adventures with my dad, about the places we had been and the toys he bought me, we had ice cream and chips with loads of salt and vinegar.

Inside she must have been cringing the pain must have cut her in half knowing I idolized my dad, I remember one day I asked her if she actually loved me, she cuddled me in and replied “more than you ever know, I love you with all my heart”.

Dad, me, my Mum and Poppy the dog, I am the only one alive today

I am writing this with tears rolling down my cheeks, I wish I could tell my mother how I love her and appreciate all she did for me, in reality, she was taken away from me far too young, she never got to see my two beautiful daughters and passed away three months before my wedding.

I am in bits that she cannot see the man I am today and she never met her grandchildren that melt my heart daily, it upsets me even more than my girls will not know the kind heart and soul that my mother was, she could have given them so much incite, teaching them what a good woman really is.

I look at a picture of my mother and ask my three-year-old, “do you know who that is?” of course she has no idea, but when those words come out of her mouth “No daddy who is it?” my eyes tear up once again.

“That is your nanny sweetheart, she loves you so much and has asked me to give you the biggest cuddle” she then asks me “why are you crying” I of course cannot tell her the truth, so reply “because I am so happy, sometimes people cry when they are happy too”

I would like to give a shout-out to Alexander Kant, a friend who I met on Medium, a talented writer, his most recent article The First Aid Kit When Feeling Down.

I have had to walk away from writing this article because of how it made me feel, so thought I would try some of his suggestions out, thank you my friend they worked for me.

Alexander Kant - Medium

Have you ever noticed the following? After a long week feeling down, not caring as well for yourself as you would like…

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Right back to it, I am feeling a bit better now after that hour break!

My 20-year-old son met both of my parents and had a great relationship with them, his memories help me when I feel down, as he talks about happy times with both my mum and dad. My wife as you would expect has also been a rock for me, she is a kind and caring person, who always makes time to speak to me when I am feeling low.

My aim as a dad is to provide for my children and wife, I know we all want the same thing, I also want to leave a legacy for future generations to come, for my son we work on determination, not being afraid to show an emotional side every now and them, and of course how to be humble.

My daughters when they come of age, I don’t want to show them how to be a lady, I want them to learn how a woman should be treated. I want them to be the girls everyone wants and not the kind of girls who everyone has had.

I want them to be independent and strong like my mother, but a better communicator than she was, I feel this is one of the main reasons she was unhappy.

I could write for hours about family life; I hope you enjoyed this short story and feel grateful if anyone stuck with me until the end.

Written by Robert Ralph

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