LIFE LESSONS

Hey Girls, Loosening Up Is Allowed

Playing, dancing, and laughing keeps us sane in a mad world

“Creative life is made up of divine paradox. To create, one must be willing to be stone stupid, to sit upon a throne on top of a jackass and spill rubies from one’s mouth. Then the river will flow, then we can stand in the stream of it raining down.” — Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Hey girls, I know you heard me now. Many sisters have reacted to my recent story about birthing a new world. And I’m glad. The new world is ready to be born. And if we don’t midwife her into being born, who will?

But, I also know that we need some sisterhood to keep us sane. We’re the feelers. We’re the criers. We’re the overwhelmed ones. And in the current times of great unrest, violence, and fear creation, we often stumble.

The world is speeding up. I must confess that I know nothing about astrology. But I’m fascinated. About the full moon in Aries and the fire to be used wisely. About the chaos that has to exist first before a new order can be born.

People who read me more often, know I’m one of the feeling ones. I’m very convinced that by daring to feel it all and then knowing how to let it go, we can heal our planet, humanity, and ourselves. Just as wise woman Joanna Macy says in the ‘Work that Reconnects’. Just like the Tree Sisters teach us, Mary Reynolds Thompson with her wild landscapes. Just like the Awakening Women and Clarissa Pinkola Estes.

But you’ll also know that I’m a practical girl. Full of real-life solutions. For politics and economies. For businesses and the daily lives of all people. We need active hope. We need our sisterhood to be full of energy on all fronts. And drained women don’t have the energy to help me build.

So, if you haven’t given it to yourself (yet), I give you permission today. You are allowed to play, to dance, and to laugh out loud. And I’ll tell you how it will give us the wisdom we need so badly. To be strong for ourselves and our loved ones.

Pitfalls

But let me start with some of my own pitfalls. By now, you know I live my life with a Purpose. Capital P. And that gives pitfalls. Oh, girls… The ravines are dangerous and deep and I must confess I still regularly topple in.

What are my pitfalls?

Being a Preacher

When my worldview completely flipped over in 2013, it was as if a light switch had turned on in my head and I wanted to tell everybody. The problem with that? Other people couldn’t care less. And my connections became weaker and weaker.

The thing is, other people have light switches in other areas than mine. One of my friends doesn't recycle, but is a great mother to her child and learns all day about how to support her little budding child-flower in a wise way.

Another friend is a caring health professional. She doesn’t believe in biodegradable cleaning products, likes lots of fancy clothes, but definitely shares my love and care for nature and people.

So, during the years that followed, I learned how to dose my light. My friendships wouldn’t have survived if I would have stayed a preacher. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t limit myself. I just dose it, depending on the person I’m connecting with at a certain moment. Showing how I live my life without trying to persuade them to make the same choices.

My light is shining bright for all to see in my storytelling, though. I don’t limit myself anymore. I’m all of me! Out there. Daring!

But my family and friends don’t read all my writing. My stories find their own audience, depending on who needs to read a certain story at a certain time. My bonus-daughter likes the one about rewilding my soul at the moment. Mike loves the story about restoring ecosystems in Indonesia and our recent love-story. And one of my friends just loves the one about the energy of money.

It’s all okay. I unleash my light in words, images, and stories. I share broadly and widely. I need to trust the universe that the stories will find the people who will be inspired by them. And they become new friends. Like you here on Medium. We haven’t met in person but I definitely know you because we share stories and comments. We talk.

And of course, I help the universe by using all my social media savviness to help my potentially vast audience out there to find my stories. Not spamming, that’s the same as preaching! No, I’m just trying to inspire. Spark a little flame and all people can choose for themselves what to do with that flame.

My mother always says that friendship is like the Vierdaagse, a four-day long-distance walk in my country, the Netherlands. You walk with a person for a while. Until the rhythm of your footsteps doesn’t match anymore. She walks too quickly or too slowly for your taste. That’s good. You’ll find another companion along the way. It doesn’t have to last forever.

Being Tense

I never knew how to relax, really. And I only found out when I learned to channel my emotions through my body. Now, I have sharpened my tools such as breath, meditation, and dance.

And I even succeed to float for hours on the water of the swimming pool. It’s such a wonderful feeling! Just having the faith that the water will carry me. Just relaxing in the knowledge that my body is made to float freely.

In life, I go with the flow. Knowing that I’ll come out of life’s vortexes more safely if I surrender to the chaos. Relaxation is making space in my body and my mind for new things to emerge. A focused brain is giving me the feminine way to productivity. But fun, lust, and love also emerge. It’s magic!

From Scarcity to Abundance

Purpose with a capital P. I have a vision of an economy that’s aligned with ecology and the human spirit. And many regenerative practitioners are on the road with me. We have active hope. Wise hope combined with positive action. We build, we plant, we garden the new world into being.

But we need all people on board. So, how do we do that? First of all, we change our mindset from scarcity to abundance. We are good enough and everyone else is, too. We all have a role in the bigger picture, that’s all. Some are catalysts, some are healers. Some are destructors, so others can find love in themselves. And it always comes down to loving ourselves first.

Then we start building our trust. It might seem strange but in Humankind, historian Rutger Bregman proves that we can trust each other. It doesn’t mean that we’re naive. We’re strong and tall and speaking powerfully about our perception of the one, universal truth. But we do trust others to do what they have come to do on this planet. In their own way.

We find what connects us and don't care too much about what divides us. And if we really don’t like a certain person, we don’t spend the energy and distance ourselves. We have better things to do than being drained.

“The doors to the world of the wild Self are few but precious. If you have a deep scar, that is a door, if you have an old, old story, that is a door. If you love the sky and the water so much you almost cannot bear it, that is a door. If you yearn for a deeper life, a full life, a sane life, that is a door.” — Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Playing

Loosening up is helped a lot by playing. Having no goal. Just having fun. Alone, together. In all forms. Children know how to do it. Many of us adults don’t anymore. I definitely had trouble finding my own playground.

But I love it now. Just having fun. Over nothing.

And as you might have guessed, my favorite playground is nature. So I take our grandchildren to see what’s in the river. Play with the water. Splashing and fascinated by what we encounter. I learn. They learn. I make up stories all the time and we bond big time!

Dancing

Dancing was in my life when I was a young girl and I returned to it a few years ago. I use dance to loosen up now. I love the 5-rhythms by Gabriela Roth although I don’t have any school near me nowadays to practice.

So, I dance in my living room. Find the music that feels fitting for the mood I’m in and move. Slowly and faster. Sweating or just swaying. I don’t care how it looks. The people around me are used to me being a little mad. It’s my wild soul, you know. But they love me for my wild soul, so who cares?

Laughing

And I laugh a lot. With my loved ones or in my work. Humor is a great antidote to being a preacher. In my stories, I still have to find my real funny-voice. But I’m loosening up alright. So, don’t be surprised to read some funny poem soon. With some experimenting, I’ll get there.

Well, to get back to us being the feeling ones, the criers, the overwhelmed ones. I use laughter and smiling to heal my wounds. Not to conceal them, as many funny people do. No, to really heal them.

For me, it’s a matter of variety.

I feel the sadness, the overwhelmedness. Take a long walk in nature. Crying in the rain until it subsides. And then I smile. I laugh. Sometimes I laugh harder than my feelings allow. But I know that my brain is fooled by my smile. My brain thinks I’m really happy. So she makes me some happy hormones. And I feel better. It helps me switch from the negative spiral into the positive one.

Especially in the years when I was still training to become lighter, this helped me a lot. I hope it may help you too. And I can tell you: When your life has become lighter, you don’t need to overdo the smile anymore. She appears automatically and strengthens into full-blown belly-laughter.

Life is magical and wonderful, you know… I wish you lots of miracles, as my friend Selma always says.

This story is specially made for some of my friends here who have hard times. Who are just climbing out of the ravine. Or who are already surfing the waves. Amy Adelia Anna Ina Britni Michele Keno Rebecca Rebecca Trista Jenine Livia Kaia Yael Maria CR Tree Annelise Nicole Caroline Elisabeth iCanay Cigdem Julia Primavera Amber I’m with you, sisters. Let’s make it work for us all.

And for who wants to know more about my capital P. This is the most complete story about it, I wrote so far. My specialties are regenerative business models, innovation, and design solutions, but healing and building new politics helps a great deal too. Politics are touching us all in our daily lives. Let’s build human politics. Together.

If you want to connect, you can find me in my food forest, admiring the pollinating bees. Or via LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, ManyStories, Quora, Patreon, and my website.

© Désirée Driesenaar