“Hey, do you want to go on tv and talk about non-monogamy?”

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1974

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ntirely open, but that also comes with some potential consequences — at least when using our real names and likenesses.</p><p id="f042">Our experience has been that many people find polyamory confusing and too outside of their known and expected experience to be comfortable with it. That means that us talking about it in any way often leads to awkwardness and uncomfortable silences. We’ve also had some friends be unexpectedly open and receptive, but it’s often hard to gauge ahead of time how it’s going to go. Now that James has retired, we’ve been opening up a little bit more, but although the chances of our family and friends watching a UK TV show on poly life is pretty darn slim, there’s a big difference between slowly broaching the subject and somebody stumbling across it on the internet.</p><p id="397f">“But wouldn’t it be kind of cool to really talk about who we are?” James asked me. “We aren’t really even the typical poly couple and I’ll bet we’d test well and get to be on the show,” he mused. There is a part of me that does think it would be cool to be able to say that I’d been on television — but then I’d have to actually be on television, and I really don’t want to do that, at least not like this. Fortunately, about the time that James and I would have had to come to some kind of consensus, we heard that they were only interested in people from the UK.</p><p id="6b94">But just for fun, here’s the bio for our non-existent show: James and I opened up our marriage about 5 years ago after 20 years of marriage. We only see other people together and play with both men and women, although James has only started having any sexual intimacy with a man in the past few months. MFM can still be a lot of fun for everyone even if the guys aren’t intimate. We both really like threesomes the best because of the combination of intimacy and disruption of our typical couple dynamic, but foursomes are also fun. Group sex beyond that doesn’t really inte

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rest me, although we have tried it.</p><p id="85c3">I have another male partner who now lives on the other side of the country from us. Polyamory isn’t only about sex; it’s about different kinds of intimate connections with more than one person. Locally, we have a female lover whom we have gotten quite attached to, and although our relationship is casual in some ways, we do all truly love each other. Sometimes we play with one of her male friends as well. Beyond that, we don’t really date, but we are very happy with the way that polyamory has taken us from the boxes of “man and wife” to real partners who have co-created a relationship that truly works for us.</p><p id="6b47">So much for my 15 minutes of fame, but as Academy Award nominees who didn’t win often say, “Still, it was nice to be considered.”</p><div id="b093" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/why-im-glad-i-m-not-dating-8d2edaad58c7"> <div> <div> <h2>Why I’m Glad I’m Not Dating</h2> <div><h3>We do not have typical polyamorous relationships</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*pkhKDT3dsc9YKObD)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="ba73" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/hanging-out-with-our-lovers-mom-f7197368b871"> <div> <div> <h2>Hanging Out With Our Lover’s Mom</h2> <div><h3>We get to meet Tamara’s mother</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*Gyvk0XqtyvCtDH8f)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

“Hey, do you want to go on tv and talk about non-monogamy?”

I got an interesting inquiry from a UK production company

A few days ago I was approached via email by a Casting Assistant Producer for a UK based production company to see if I was interested in participating in their upcoming project on polyamory. As it turned out, they were only looking for people within the UK and so the decision about whether or not to go forward with this ended up being made for us. But for a day or so there James and I really thought about it.

My initial reaction when I first read the message was, “Absolutely not!” I have never had any desire to appear on television. Maybe that’s something that many people aspire to, but not me. Here’s why: as a writer, and a primarily self-published one, I have a lot of control over how I interface with the public. I may talk about my life very openly here, but I do it from behind an avatar and a nom de plume and I know ahead of time what is going out to the public.

My impression of TV, particularly for a show like this, is that we’d have little say in what was ultimately broadcast. And for a topic as intimate and central to my life as this one, that just didn’t appeal to me. On the other hand, I have often lamented that we don’t get to be as open as we’d like to be about how we live our lives. Of course, that is largely on us. In theory, we could be entirely open, but that also comes with some potential consequences — at least when using our real names and likenesses.

Our experience has been that many people find polyamory confusing and too outside of their known and expected experience to be comfortable with it. That means that us talking about it in any way often leads to awkwardness and uncomfortable silences. We’ve also had some friends be unexpectedly open and receptive, but it’s often hard to gauge ahead of time how it’s going to go. Now that James has retired, we’ve been opening up a little bit more, but although the chances of our family and friends watching a UK TV show on poly life is pretty darn slim, there’s a big difference between slowly broaching the subject and somebody stumbling across it on the internet.

“But wouldn’t it be kind of cool to really talk about who we are?” James asked me. “We aren’t really even the typical poly couple and I’ll bet we’d test well and get to be on the show,” he mused. There is a part of me that does think it would be cool to be able to say that I’d been on television — but then I’d have to actually be on television, and I really don’t want to do that, at least not like this. Fortunately, about the time that James and I would have had to come to some kind of consensus, we heard that they were only interested in people from the UK.

But just for fun, here’s the bio for our non-existent show: James and I opened up our marriage about 5 years ago after 20 years of marriage. We only see other people together and play with both men and women, although James has only started having any sexual intimacy with a man in the past few months. MFM can still be a lot of fun for everyone even if the guys aren’t intimate. We both really like threesomes the best because of the combination of intimacy and disruption of our typical couple dynamic, but foursomes are also fun. Group sex beyond that doesn’t really interest me, although we have tried it.

I have another male partner who now lives on the other side of the country from us. Polyamory isn’t only about sex; it’s about different kinds of intimate connections with more than one person. Locally, we have a female lover whom we have gotten quite attached to, and although our relationship is casual in some ways, we do all truly love each other. Sometimes we play with one of her male friends as well. Beyond that, we don’t really date, but we are very happy with the way that polyamory has taken us from the boxes of “man and wife” to real partners who have co-created a relationship that truly works for us.

So much for my 15 minutes of fame, but as Academy Award nominees who didn’t win often say, “Still, it was nice to be considered.”