Hanging Out With Our Lover’s Mom
We get to meet Tamara’s mother
The past couple of months James and I have been spending more and more time with our lover Tamara in non-sexual situations. We’ve gone to lunch, grabbed drinks with other people, and attended a couple of events to support the dog rescue group that Tamara is very involved with. Although we always talk pretty non-stop even on our sex-related dates, it’s still been fun to be out in the larger world with her — even as we pretend to be just friends while doing it.
We mostly keep our polyamorous lifestyle under wraps because it tends to make other people uncomfortable. But being open about the true nature of the three of us in public isn’t necessary in order to enjoy spending time together, although I’m a really physically affectionate person, so at times it’s hard to keep my hands off her, but I do. We kiss and hug Tamara hello and goodbye, but then again, lots of friends do that.
What further complicates all of this is that Tamara is a professional escort. She’s very open about what she does for a living and most of the people in her life know this about her, including her family. Even though we are more than clients to Tam, we are still clients, and the only thing less socially acceptable than polyamory is sex work. We live in a big metro area, but even so, in many ways, it’s a small world around here, and we’d just assume keep our private lives to ourselves.
Last night we got to go to a party that Tamara had invited us to where her mom was also going to be present. We’d already heard a lot about each other, but it was still a new and different experience to be in a public setting with someone who knows the true nature of our relationship. She is what is typically referred to as a swinger, so it’s not that we were worried about her judging us, but it’s still not a run-of-the-mill situation.
Tam’s best friend, Kari, was also at this party. I’d already met her once before and liked her a lot, but I don’t know for sure whether or not she knows our true status or also thinks that we are just friends with Tamara. If she does know, she clearly isn’t concerned about it either and we hit it off just great once again. Kari was at the event a couple of months ago where my autistic son grabbed an ice cream from another kid and started eating it, and her takeaway was not that he was poorly behaved, but rather that there was a certain purity of intent in play. We are definitely OK in each other’s books!
By the time we met Deena, Tamara’s mom, we’d had several drinks already, but even without that, it was a very easy and comfortable meeting. We talked a lot about dogs — a topic that we are all very interested in, and that certainly helped to have something in common. We’ve recently adopted a former street dog named Lars who was rescued by the organization that Tamara works with, and so we all talked about how that was going. He still has some separation anxiety when I’m away, but other than that, Lars is settling in really well. Tam also has a puppy that she’s been fostering and thinks she may have someone interested in adopting her, so we were all excited about that as well.
It was a big, crowded party and Deena left before we got to say a formal goodbye, but it really just confirmed my feeling that in a setting where people can be their authentic sexual selves without judgment, it means that they can really be all of who they truly are. When there’s nothing to hide and nothing to prove, people can just be people and can really enjoy each other for that. We weren’t acting on those sexual selves in that moment, but just the fact that we didn’t have to pretend anything or wear any masks was incredibly freeing and therefore enjoyable.
It’s just really interesting to me that the more that we have multiple partners, engage in group sex, and other supposedly scandalous activities, the more it’s actually just very humanizing. There is so much hate and dysfunction in the world as it is. I’m very grateful to have more and more opportunity to engage in interpersonal relationships that are not like that and to get to know more about Tamara’s world as she gets to know more about ours. I’m looking forward to what happens next with this very unconventional but really lovely relationship and hope that we’ll get another chance to hang out with Deena somewhere down the line.
