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Abstract

<p id="52dd">By the way, St. Valentine came to a sticky end. He was beheaded by the Roman Emperor Claudius II on February 14, in 269.A.D. Why?</p><p id="7d1f">Claudius could not stand the fact that there were so many men getting married and he knew that married men make lousy soldiers. He wanted single men who could focus in battle and not be haunted by the memory of wailing kids or screaming wives.</p><p id="5f55" type="7">So, the best way to get more single men into the Army was to stop this Valentine weirdo who was marrying too many couples.</p><p id="d0eb">You know, I believe the Emperor was right. Tough love!</p><p id="038c"><b><i>Now if you are a woman</i></b> and you have forgotten to send your darling a message or buy him a burrito or pizza blanket, just think of all the money you are saving. $19.</p><p id="caa3">You will never have the embarrassment of giving him a Valentine’s Cupid Lego Dog which is for the guy who just still loves lego and wants to create a dog.</p><p id="e190">You have decided to have a quiet day and you have promised yourself that you will not check your Instagram or Facebook page. You want some peace and quiet.</p><p id="65ac">You will definitely <b><i>not </i></b>miss any of the following gifts that are all red (except for dinner)</p><ul><li>Hearts (lovers obsessed with their electrocardiograms)</li><li>Cupids (they might miss — could be painful)</li><li>Flowers (such a job finding a stupid vase which is never the right size and then having to fill it with water — exhausting!)</li><li>Stuffed animal (you want a real man in your bed)</li><li>Dinner at a restaurant (no need to observe soppy couples make unappetizing gestures while the service is so slow)</li><li>Favorite perfume (same as the one he gave me at Christmas).</li><li>Chocolates or candy (he still doesn’t realize I am anorexic)</li></ul><h2 id="3aeb">So, what is all the fuss??</h2><p id="f4f1">St. Valentine got it all wrong and was marrying everyone left, right and center.</p><p id="65e2">There is also the disturbing fact that old Valentine is also the patron saint of beekeeping, epilepsy, Lesbos and the Bubonic

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plague!</p><p id="27ec">So, much better to forget about the whole thing and …</p><p id="b13f"><b><i>Why can’t lovers send each other romantic messages or gifts every day instead of waiting for once a year?</i></b></p><h2 id="ccb8">Other funny stuff</h2><div id="e5d0" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/12-acronyms-to-make-your-medium-publication-editors-say-yes-yes-exceptional-stuff-88f477c145b3"> <div> <div> <h2>12 Acronyms To Make Your Medium Publication Editors Say YES (Yes Exceptional Stuff)</h2> <div><h3>Never underestimate acronyms.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*ovAi8tB2xf_LoJq9)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="8975" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/my-top-10-jokes-on-conspiracy-theories-d839032d3f87"> <div> <div> <h2>My Top 10 Jokes On Conspiracy Theories</h2> <div><h3>Just laughing my head off as it is the only way to survive!</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*GrI06eRY-Bu4epeD)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="e0e1" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-iowa-caucus-virus-is-putting-voters-lives-at-risk-b19245a212e"> <div> <div> <h2>The Iowa Caucus Virus Is Putting Voters’ Lives At Risk</h2> <div><h3>Wear a mask or else</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*XOGQ87NjsWVmzRX0)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Humor

Have You Forgotten St. Valentine’s Day Again? — Not to worry.

St. Valentine was a douchebag!

So, if you have forgotten this ridiculous holiday celebrating romantic love and have not bought your loved one a silly present, read on.

This so-called saint lived around 250 AD. He was well known for marrying young teenage couples thus ensuring that they would split up in no time at all. And it wasn’t fake news!

Now he is worshipped, praised, venerated and petitioned as the lovers’ saint!

You see, he is not a role model for romance and all that baloney.

Not exactly an example for loving couples who are trying desperately to work through their differences and eventually have some sort of relationship or break-up. Whichever happens first.

You did well not to buy your partner anything.

I have just come back from shopping and have seen these male weirdos carrying bunches of flowers. They won’t last long, I mean the flowers. The guys looked terribly uncomfortable and were thinking,

“Thank goodness this only happens once a year. I feel like a right sissy.”

Yeah, these are the guys who shudder inwardly when they mouth the marriage promise at the altar. You can hear the words are sticking in their throat. They gasp for breath and almost choke.

“I, Kyle take you, Kylie, for my awful wife ……… I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health and to give you flowers on St. Valentine’s Day every year until death us do part.”

By the way, St. Valentine came to a sticky end. He was beheaded by the Roman Emperor Claudius II on February 14, in 269.A.D. Why?

Claudius could not stand the fact that there were so many men getting married and he knew that married men make lousy soldiers. He wanted single men who could focus in battle and not be haunted by the memory of wailing kids or screaming wives.

So, the best way to get more single men into the Army was to stop this Valentine weirdo who was marrying too many couples.

You know, I believe the Emperor was right. Tough love!

Now if you are a woman and you have forgotten to send your darling a message or buy him a burrito or pizza blanket, just think of all the money you are saving. $19.

You will never have the embarrassment of giving him a Valentine’s Cupid Lego Dog which is for the guy who just still loves lego and wants to create a dog.

You have decided to have a quiet day and you have promised yourself that you will not check your Instagram or Facebook page. You want some peace and quiet.

You will definitely not miss any of the following gifts that are all red (except for dinner)

Hearts (lovers obsessed with their electrocardiograms)
Cupids (they might miss — could be painful)
Flowers (such a job finding a stupid vase which is never the right size and then having to fill it with water — exhausting!)
Stuffed animal (you want a real man in your bed)
Dinner at a restaurant (no need to observe soppy couples make unappetizing gestures while the service is so slow)
Favorite perfume (same as the one he gave me at Christmas).
Chocolates or candy (he still doesn’t realize I am anorexic)

So, what is all the fuss??

St. Valentine got it all wrong and was marrying everyone left, right and center.

There is also the disturbing fact that old Valentine is also the patron saint of beekeeping, epilepsy, Lesbos and the Bubonic plague!

So, much better to forget about the whole thing and …

Why can’t lovers send each other romantic messages or gifts every day instead of waiting for once a year?