Memoir, Crush

Have You Ever Been Crushed by Your Crush?

I still can recall exactly what I was wearing that day. A bottle-green, fitted midi dress with long sleeves and a ruching across the waist.

Crushes are named so with good reason. They have the potential to bring tremendous joy, but they can also result in a profound sense of devastation, where you literally feel crushed by your feelings for the chosen person.

I am going to chat about two of my most memorable crushes from when I was very young…

James

I had a few serious crushes as a kid. My first was when I was about seven. James was one of my brother’s friends and a bad boy for sure. There was something about his grin and freckles which just made my head spin a little. When he was at our house, I felt compelled to hang out where ever he was.

One day my brother mentioned my apparently annoying presence and James said casually,

“Haven’t you realised your little sister loves me?”

I don’t even remember being embarrassed. James didn’t seem to mind me being there and would tease me now and then. Only my brother was irritated.

I don’t know what happened to James but I do remember years later seeing Stuart Adamson (from the Band Big Country) on the TV and immediately thinking he resembled an older James. Mainly his eyes. So I think I must have seen James around as I grew up to register the likeness.

Later I went on to meet Mr Adamson and even stole a kiss from him.

Mickey

My brother used to go fishing, and one day he brought home a new buddy he had met over at our local park. This friend — Mickey — was a few school years younger than him, and so only a year older than me — I had just turned twelve at the time. And boy, was he cute… thick dark brown hair, blue eyes and such a generous smile. He would not have looked out of place in a teen pop band.

By this age I knew it was important to at least try to act cool, and being a gawky long-limbed, pubescent girl that wasn’t always easy. However, Jesus must have been on my side, as the previous week a work friend of mums had given me loads of trendy-ish items she no longer wanted. Lyn was petite, so even at my age, her clothes were a perfect fit. And because I have this weird visual memory, I still can recall exactly what I was wearing that day.

A bottle-green, fitted midi dress with long sleeves and a ruching across the waist.

I felt a little more confident than usual when wearing this outfit in particular.

At the time we lived in a house with a strange layout and I had to go through my brother's bedroom to get to mine. I’d caught sight of Mickey in the kitchen, and when he disappeared upstairs with my brother I waited an appropriate length of time, but desperately wanted another glimpse of this boy, so feigned a need to go to my room.

As I walked past them, Mickey smiled the dreamiest of smiles, and crashing through my door, I threw myself on my bed in a mini swoon, just in time to hear him say,

“Is that your sister? She’s really nice.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. In the past, my brother’s friends had made sure I knew they thought I was gross. Once, a few of them even threw darts at my feet!

Even though Mickey definitely caught me on a good day, as I got older I began to hear similar complimentary comments more and more from his friends.

Mickey went to the boy's catholic secondary about ten minutes from mine, so I would often spot him, and unlike a lot of boys he would always wave or say hi. My friends soon all realised he was my crush, but it was like a badge of honour, and so I became part of a club where stories were exchanged and advice or tips from the more boy-savvy girls were given.

About six months later, Mum was getting married. We sold our family home and moved to my stepfather’s house. I would have to navigate a different way of getting to school, however I was hopeful about the news as guess who lived around the corner about 5 minutes walk away? Mickey. In fact, if I looked out of my brother's window, across our garden to the right. Then over another garden, I could almost see into his sister’s bedroom window. I wonder if my brother ever did that? Both of his older female siblings were very pretty.

Mickey could play the piano, and my stepfather owned one. It had been used by his son, who now an adult and had conveniently immigrated to Canada. Occasionally Mickey would pop over to tinkle the ivories, and we’d often chat. And being a year older, he also told me to ask him if I ever needed any homework help. Usually I didn’t as I was a bit of a swot.

Often I used to get almost depressed about how much I was attracted to this boy. I can remember sitting on the bus home from school once, thinking about him. Despairing that I liked him so much. When I hopped off the bus, he got off behind me, and we chatted while we strolled to our houses. Suddenly my heart felt so light, and my stomach fluttered with butterflies.

I found it very difficult to deal with what was going on in my mind and body whenever Mickey was near. If only I knew then what I know now 😜

Nothing ever happened romantically with Mickey and me. We stayed friends until I was about fifteen, when suddenly I realised I was all crushed out. Though I am not sure if this was because he never seemed to change. He didn't grow taller, whereas, I did. And, when I was ready to date, he still wanted to hang out with the boys and fish. Or maybe I simply moved on.

Years later — when I was about twenty-one — my boyfriend — Vic — had a band and Mickey turned up at one of his gigs. It was strange being older and chatting with him up at the bar with a drink in hand. Silently reflecting on how much I had wanted this lad back in the day.

Later, Vic offered Mickey a lift home and spilled the beans about my crush. I didn’t mind, and would you believe it? I’d been his crush too!

I wasn’t crushed by my crush

I was lucky Mickey was my first major teen crush. He was such a lovely mannered boy and always made sure I felt seen around him. The funny thing was during the years I liked him, I really morphed from an ugly duckling into a bit of a swan. Yet, Mickey liked me before my transformation. Thank goodness for him! Things had not been plain sailing for me, what with my father and a spate of bullying from an old friend, I am grateful that I got to crush on Mickey. I truly think he helped my self-esteem during those awkward early teen years.

I went to an all-girls’ school, so gossip was aplenty! There was never a shortage of someone ready to inflame information you gave them about your crush. I think parents need to be the voice of reason if their daughter shares news about the boy they can’t seem to get off their mind. The most important thing is to listen without having an opinion or judgement because your child's views may change the next day, and you want to make sure the lines of communication are kept open, in case they need to actually share something important with you. Be a sympathising ear, not a know-it-all adult.

What ever you do, don’t tell your child, they will get over it. It’s the obvious answer, of course — but next week or month is a long time away for a teen. Keep in mind, experiencing a crush and navigating the emotions they evoke may equip a teenager for adulthood, and starts a journey of self-discovery regarding preferences and encouraging personal growth.

Both my daughters had crushes. My eldest was crazy about a slightly older girl on the school bus — and now she lives with her slightly older male partner. And my youngest had too many boy crushes to mention. She is happily cohabiting with her girlfriend of two years. Maybe the crushes helped them decide what would work for them.

Unfortunately, when I got older, a nice boy like Mickey was never going to float my boat for longer than a few months. So I got involved with musicians — and unfortunately some control freaks — instead. I think that’s why I look back on Mickey and always smile.

Seeing your crush back then delivered a delightful dopamine hit. Of course nowadays we have online media to do that, and I expect many crushes have moved to the World Wide Web, rather than the deliciousness of looking into real eyes and seeing them twinkle.

Go on — Tell me about your crush… you know you want to! And I want to hear it.

Read about the man I wished my mum had married

If you are an adult and want to hear about older crushes? Then check Sunny A Morgan publication