“Go Ask Your Mother”
A parallel healthcare and programming experience
I’d recently been dealing with a mystery illness. Though not severe, it’s been interesting to narrate my imperfect story of navigating all the hoops of healthcare to get to the bottom of it.
At the end of the day, I’m feeling better with absolutely no idea what was going on, but do have some funny stories to tell. We all have to cope somehow, right?
It honestly paralleled some other hilarious situations where I felt ping-ponged between two people and unsure how to proceed. Have you ever felt this way? When and where?
Healthcare Version
Family Doctor: So we’ve run the tests and it doesn’t seem like anything is wrong, but you’re still in pain. If it gets worse or you start bleeding, go to the ER.
ER Doctor: You’ve come to the ER and we’ve run some more tests and it seems like we learned you’re allergic to a few medications that we’ve tried but haven’t really fixed the problem. There’s nothing more we can do but wish you the best of luck. Follow up with your family doctor in a week if you’re still feeling like this.
Family Doctor: Seems like you’re back and nothing has changed. You’ve gone to the ER and they couldn’t find anything either. Neither can I. If the pain gets worse or you start bleeding, go to the ER.
Programming Version
I also recently had to place all of my in-person experiments into online studies that people can comfortable participate in from their own homes. This meant integrating two programming systems that are used in our department: one for displaying the cognitive task and one for recruiting participants.
Me: The integration between the programs isn’t working.
Cognitive Task Program: Our program has no flaws it’s the recruitment program that’s glitching.
Recruitment Program: Our recruitment program is working perfectly, it’s the Cognitive Task program that’s not redirecting it properly.
Cognitive Task Program: As outlined two days ago, there were no issues when we tested it on our end, please communicate with [recruitment program] to resolve their issues.
Family Version
Child: Mom can you sign this permission slip, I need $15 for the school trip
Mom: Go ask your father.
Dad: Go ask your mother.
Mom: I said, go ask your father —
Honestly, the healthcare experience was definitely frustrating but in retrospect, I’m happy to say that I’m able to cope with some humour through the times. It comes from two important silver linings:
- Every piece of healthcare I accessed was free and accessible to me. Though ping-ponged between the moms and dads of healthcare, I knew that eventually one of the parents would cave in and find something. Or…
- All the tests came out to describe a perfectly healthy twenty-something old woman which at first felt kind of invalidating (because ??? why am I suffering then???). However, knowing that nothing was majorly wrong also provided some comfort that my immune system was working at its peak youthful and healthy state.
The programming version, though frustrating, ended up being resolved by just doing the classic turn it off and on again, in which I re-completed all the steps with some religious hope that everything works.
I’ve tried a variety of tactics in these situations from trying to resolve things on my own, to whipping out those brand-new self-advocacy skills to ask for more details. What do you typically do?
Lucy Dan 蛋小姐 (she/her/她)’s best coping skill is probably to reflect on past experiences and try to reframe them in a more light-hearted way. During the events though, it can certainly be tough to do so and I try also not to villainize negative emotions — they play their own role and are in itself not usually dangerous to sit through. I remind myself: this too shall pass.
