avatarAmy Marley

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Abstract

life the last couple of months.</p><p id="2c67">Ah yes — I can see now.</p><p id="144d">I have been on go-go-go-go and go again.</p><p id="1904">Pete taking so much of my focus. Sure — that happens when you are trying to bring something into the world. But in between, life still has to happen too.</p><p id="86d3">Parenting pulls and tugs in every direction, Mum having surgery, milestone celebrations to be celebrated, muddy moments on a farm, building plans and courses and and and and … I can see how I was starting to slip into zombie survival mode again.</p><p id="1c6d">Don’t get me wrong. All of them are amazing in their own ways. Even Mum’s surgery — I am so very grateful for. But that feeling of overwhelm — well, it was there. Waiting to be noticed.</p><p id="3644">Still feeling teary after leaving Matilda upset at kindy this morning. It’s been a massive week for us all, but especially her. A split chin and visit to the hospital earlier in the week were only the start of it.</p><figure id="7da3"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*srRazrBTMmUmfrzK"><figcaption>All smiles with her magically glued chin! She said, “dad, that was kinda fun”, as they left the hospital together. (Thinking they may need some quality one on one time together ;)) Only one parent is allowed these days — plus, I was at home with Miss B — to say that she doesn’t do well with blood is an understatement!</figcaption></figure><p id="01a7">Yet …. it took her until today to “feel” it all, just like me. That glimmer of guilt, knowing that my energy was probably adding to her own. Cumulating to something bigger than it needed to be.</p><p id="a5b9">I’m certain she is ok, there have been no calls to come and pick her up, but I really do feel any kids’ pain. Emotional or physical. It cuts right to my heart. Especially when I have had a hand in the moment… Wishing I could sparkle it all away and do a re-do — but I know, we all know, it’s not how the world works.</p><p id="72e5">Grateful I took a moment this morning to stop — and then read. And then write…</p><p id="4c6e"><b>Words sure do find us when we need them most.</b></p><p id="cd25"><i>I have been missing indulging in the golden labyrinth of words on Medium. The beautiful community here is like no other. A welcoming dose of healing energy whenever I get to wander the world of words within.</i></p><p id="0f2a"><i>I must apologise for my lack of response of late… I do read the notifications and smile…then save them as reminders to respond…BUT — it takes me a while to respond…I love to read your latest words before I do….</i></p><p id="3adb"><i>Time…well, it captures a different essence to the response with a delay — it’s what I tell myself to keep those glimmers of guilt at bay for letting over a month go by without replying…. !!</i></p><p id="b7c1"><i>Thanks for reading</i></p><p id="dcbe"><b>Thanks for being you</b></p><p id="893a">If you feel like following the trail I took —</p><div id="bb63" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/expectations-2fcca26eb6a1"> <div> <div> <h2>Expectations</h2> <div><h3>Trust, faith, fairness and a touch of hope</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readm

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edium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*P5xR6HoVxE3X-I5GYDH4Jw.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="b2cc" class="link-block"> <a href="https://pockettdessert.medium.com/healing-art-flowers-love-and-hope-in-a-pandemic-c55d0a609e00"> <div> <div> <h2>Healing Art: Flowers, Love, and Hope In A Pandemic</h2> <div><h3>How to Align, Stay Present and Bloom</h3></div> <div><p>pockettdessert.medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*LXjjB-mN-14Mxi_TWdUMqQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="f973" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/giving-yourself-space-to-grow-a8e6cd8342e6"> <div> <div> <h2>Giving Yourself Space To Grow</h2> <div><h3>How to become your true self</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*6EKISa-mDuzcgYBYNe_5Hw.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="a1a7" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/life-is-a-balancing-act-e5a1bfb6886b"> <div> <div> <h2>Life is a Balancing Act</h2> <div><h3>Give and take. Life and death. Come and go. Up and down. Win and lose. These aren’t just words. They are Balance…</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*_-_dBv-1NYz6QFKFNB_jpw.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="e86e" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-signature-of-dread-4d189ad52f10"> <div> <div> <h2>The Signature of Dread</h2> <div><h3>21 August 2021 Saturday Poetry Prompt: painting the fear</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*0cvNxwcoO_mPDNjhtYnTdQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="a94b">and the one that got me really to stop and think of how lucky I am to be Mum…</p><div id="5d52" class="link-block"> <a href="https://suzannevtanner.medium.com/a-girl-scout-a-dead-mother-and-confessions-about-ten-detours-to-adulthood-dc21faf372c9"> <div> <div> <h2>A Girl Scout, A Dead Mother and Confessions about Ten Detours to Adulthood</h2> <div><h3>Finding our way on those rocky roads was a challenge.</h3></div> <div><p>suzannevtanner.medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*[email protected])"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

RAMBLING POETRY

Glimmers of Guilt

Recognising a race with a new face

When the view is the pot of gold — Photo my own

When I feel like I’m only getting 30 seconds to the minute —I know

When I just wanna lay down And hide — I know

When I want to shout at the world To wake the f up already and Stop the crazy injustices — I know

When I miss moments of simply be-ing But keep focussing on do-ing — I know

When I forget to “see” the rainbows of life — I know

So easy to ride the spiral Of the not enough trap A rat race with a new face A race all the same No matter the game

To-do’s Can do’s Should do’s Will do’s Must-do’s Do — do’s —

Shit…

They sneak in so quietly Nah — been there done that I have the “tools”! I won’t be taken down again like a fool!

W H A M — BAM! Thank you, Mam!

A new disguise Not seen by distracted eyes

Time to make space To let clarity dazzle its grace

Didn’t fade as far into the shadows this time Spotting signs earlier of my light’s decline

Pulled off the blinders With kindness

Glimmers of guilt Being dusted off before any walls are built

….I think!

Life being life — I’ve been back to the — sometimes I Life sometimes I Write mantra.

Spending most of my free time with my mate Pete the Peanut. An adrenaline rush that has been fun to ride.

The madness of fielding feedback — untangling the “meaning” from the critical, helpful and kind.

The lovely moments shared with amazing people. People who have freely given their time, skills and expertise. The support is beyond overwhelming and so very much appreciated.

I have loved every minute of it leading up to and presenting the latest edit to Tildy’s kindy class yesterday. The kids’ excitement was addictive! Their questions — pure gold.

Dressed up as Ada Twist Scientist ready to read Pete the Peanut — Can you tell I painted the spots on myself?! haha… a costume created from a bag of hand me downs!
Presenting Pete – photo taken by TA — How’s Tildy’s stare?… I am trying to remember the question that was asked to warrant that look!

And then… afterwards. I felt a dip in my energy.

What was this about?

I was smiling big smiles, but — a little lump was there in my throat.

After nearly two months of crazy highs, lows, cries and cuts and words about nuts …I reflected on the rollercoaster that has been my life the last couple of months.

Ah yes — I can see now.

I have been on go-go-go-go and go again.

Pete taking so much of my focus. Sure — that happens when you are trying to bring something into the world. But in between, life still has to happen too.

Parenting pulls and tugs in every direction, Mum having surgery, milestone celebrations to be celebrated, muddy moments on a farm, building plans and courses and and and and … I can see how I was starting to slip into zombie survival mode again.

Don’t get me wrong. All of them are amazing in their own ways. Even Mum’s surgery — I am so very grateful for. But that feeling of overwhelm — well, it was there. Waiting to be noticed.

Still feeling teary after leaving Matilda upset at kindy this morning. It’s been a massive week for us all, but especially her. A split chin and visit to the hospital earlier in the week were only the start of it.

All smiles with her magically glued chin! She said, “dad, that was kinda fun”, as they left the hospital together. (Thinking they may need some quality one on one time together ;)) Only one parent is allowed these days — plus, I was at home with Miss B — to say that she doesn’t do well with blood is an understatement!

Yet …. it took her until today to “feel” it all, just like me. That glimmer of guilt, knowing that my energy was probably adding to her own. Cumulating to something bigger than it needed to be.

I’m certain she is ok, there have been no calls to come and pick her up, but I really do feel any kids’ pain. Emotional or physical. It cuts right to my heart. Especially when I have had a hand in the moment… Wishing I could sparkle it all away and do a re-do — but I know, we all know, it’s not how the world works.

Grateful I took a moment this morning to stop — and then read. And then write…

Words sure do find us when we need them most.

I have been missing indulging in the golden labyrinth of words on Medium. The beautiful community here is like no other. A welcoming dose of healing energy whenever I get to wander the world of words within.

I must apologise for my lack of response of late… I do read the notifications and smile…then save them as reminders to respond…BUT — it takes me a while to respond…I love to read your latest words before I do….

Time…well, it captures a different essence to the response with a delay — it’s what I tell myself to keep those glimmers of guilt at bay for letting over a month go by without replying…. !!

Thanks for reading

Thanks for being you

If you feel like following the trail I took —

and the one that got me really to stop and think of how lucky I am to be Mum…

Poetry
Energy
Awareness
Parenting
Life Lessons
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