Give as Good as You Get, Get as Good as You Give

Summary

Holly Jahangiri reflects on career advice she would give her 16-year-old self, emphasizing the importance of standing up against workplace abuse, knowing one's worth, maintaining personal values, financial prudence, and understanding the reciprocal nature of workplace loyalty.

Abstract

In a retrospective piece, Holly Jahangiri offers five key pieces of career advice to her younger self. She stresses the necessity of confronting workplace misconduct directly and not suffering in silence, as it may prevent future harm to others. She advises recognizing one's value and negotiating for fair compensation, rather than being overly grateful for opportunities. Jahangiri also suggests not compromising personal values or humor to fit into a toxic work culture. She recommends saving money and being prepared for the reality that raises may not keep pace with the cost of living. Lastly, she discusses the importance of mutual loyalty between employer and employee, where an employee's commitment is contingent on fair treatment and the fulfillment of their role.

Opinions

Workplace misconduct should be addressed openly to protect others from potential harm.
Young professionals should understand their market value and negotiate salaries accordingly.
It is unnecessary to compromise personal values or humor to be accepted in a professional environment.
Financial planning and saving are crucial, as salary increases may not match the rising cost of living.
Loyalty to an employer is appropriate when it is reciprocated with respect, fair treatment, and recognition of an employee's contributions.

“What career advice would you give your 16-year-old self?”

First, I would tell my fifteen-year-old self to knee her boss in the groin even harder and to tell anyone who would listen what he had tried to do. That it wasn’t mature or noble to pass a workplace problem on to other women by “dealing with it” alone and that, 40 years on, she might wonder if he had ever abused the daughters she thought that she was protecting, hiding from them the knowledge their father was a would-be sexual assailant of a girl he well knew to be a minor. Odds are, if someone is a “problematic” co-worker, you’re not the only one having a problem. It is everyone’s responsibility to deal with problems appropriately before they affect others and damage the business, too.

Second, I would tell my younger self not to be too grateful for every “opportunity” but to know her worth. Specific education, experience, and qualifications notwithstanding, to ask others what they earned in similar positions and to demand raises commensurate with that if she did the job well. Sister Maria says, in “The Sound of Music,” that “when the Lord closes a door, somewhere, He opens a window.” Being laid off is not the end of the world; sometimes, it’s the beginning of a whole new career and a greater sense of self-worth.

Third, I would tell my younger self to laugh off accusations of being a cold, humorless bitch when the racist and misogynistic jokes weren’t funny. Not to bother “de-escalating” or courting acceptance by laughing along, pretending to find humor where none existed, solely for the benefit of egos that deserved to take a bruise or two.

Fourth, I would tell my younger self to save every penny possible and not allow spending to grow commensurate with my salary. If I were able, I would whisper to her that raises would never keep pace with the cost of living — that what she would earn at retirement would sound good to her inexperienced ears but would, in forty years' time, have only the same buying power as three times her dismal starting salary.

Fifth, and finally, I would tell her that loyalty works both ways. A good employer makes a significant investment in their employees — from onboarding to training to benefits. It’s not about all the mandatory fun and games that most of us could do without. There’s nothing wrong with being happy at work, and there is nothing wrong with making friends in the workplace. But most of us work to live, and should carefully guard our right not to commingle work with our personal lives. I would tell her to remember, though, that employees only matter so long as they do the job they’re hired to do and do it well. Employers that are loyal to their hard-working employees deserve similar loyalty in return. They deserve honesty and to expect you to do the job you were hired to do. They don’t deserve your soul; they don’t deserve greater care and attention than you give yourself or your loved ones.

Fortunately, my younger self was pretty smart and very lucky; she had (mostly) good mentors and managers along the way. She really didn’t need to have most of this hammered home, and she probably wouldn’t have listened to the rest, anyway. Some things can only be learned through experience. My younger self had a right to make her own mistakes.

Holly Jahangiri is the author of Trockle ; A Puppy, Not a Guppy; and A New Leaf for Lyle. She draws inspiration from her family, from her own childhood adventures (some of which only happened in her overactive imagination), and from readers both young and young at heart. Visit her website at jahangiri.us and subscribe to her newsletter at https://hollyjahangiri.substack.com/

WOMEN AT WORK—SEPTEMBER 19 WRITING PROMPT

Give as Good as You Get, Get as Good as You Give

“What career advice would you give your 16-year-old self?”